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Thread: Anyone raised by non-biological parent?

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Anyone raised by non-biological parent?

    Hi everyone, hope you all are well!!

    I’m looking for stories of personal experience, if anyone has some insight to share!

    My daughter is five years old, and a very curious little kitten. She’s definitely in the phase of constantly questioning and wanting to understand. Her bio-Father has asked to see her for the first time in over a year, and I plan to meet him tonight. She doesn’t recognize him, and as far as she knows, my husband is her Daddy. I’m nervous that it will spark questions, as it’s very unusual for us to meet anyone she doesn’t know. I don’t think she’s quite ready to grasp the concept of biological vs non-biological parents, but in a year or two I think she’ll be there.

    So in preparation, how did your parents tell you? How did you tell your children? What was the reaction? Anything you wish would’ve been done differently? Any insight at all would be very helpful. I just want to give my sweetheart the most security I can while still being honest with her.

    I sure appreciate your help!

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Yes, my mom divorced when I was 5. I always remembered my dad though. Even when my dad did not visit for a few years my mom would show us pictures of us with our dad and bring him up at important times. It is very important to know where you came from . Even though I had wonderful stepfathers I still needed to know where I came from .

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing, Seraphim.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    I don’t think she’s quite ready to grasp the concept of biological vs non-biological parents, but in a year or two I think she’ll be there.

    So in preparation, how did your parents tell you? How did you tell your children? What was the reaction? Anything you wish would’ve been done differently?
    My mom told me that I was adopted when I was 5. I came in from playing, she sat me down on the arm of the couch, and then she explained what adoption was--basically that I was not related to them, but to people I had never met. It was really simple and easy. Other people (non-adopted classmates, etc.) had more trouble dealing with it than I did!

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    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    My mom told me that I was adopted when I was 5. I came in from playing, she sat me down on the arm of the couch, and then she explained what adoption was--basically that I was not related to them, but to people I had never met. It was really simple and easy. Other people (non-adopted classmates, etc.) had more trouble dealing with it than I did!
    My bio parents raised me so I can’t relate, but I would speculate you handled it better at 5 than you would’ve later, right? I think I would. No (or less) feeling of deception?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    My bio parents raised me so I can’t relate, but I would speculate you handled it better at 5 than you would’ve later, right? I think I would. No (or less) feeling of deception?
    My best friend in high school found out she was adopted when she was 14 she has held a grudge against her adoptive parents ever since and hasn’t talk to them in 20 years .

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I remember hearing about books designed for little kids that explain in simple age appropriate language what adoption is and how the child was chosen by who he/she considers to be her mom and dad. Perhaps google for such a book or check the local book store.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd incorporate the telling into an age appropriate story that makes her feel proud and special. The earlier you familiarize her with her story, the more comfort she is likely to adopt with it. This removes unnecessary secretiveness that can prompt resentment and mistrust later.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    My bio parents raised me so I can’t relate, but I would speculate you handled it better at 5 than you would’ve later, right? I think I would. No (or less) feeling of deception?
    I would speculate the same.

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    I believe the earlier the better. I think it's more important that her non-biological father considers her like his own daughter. It's better having good non-biological parents than having bad biological parents. Look Jeff Bezos for example or jibs for that matter :)

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