Does he have regular visitation rights? Does he pay child support? Has your husband legally adopted her? Does her biological father want an ongoing relationship and regular visitation with her? Have you tried the age-appropriate books that deal with a multitude of family compositions? They may help start the conversation in the form of a kindergarten reading book.Originally Posted by indea08
I LOVE the book/story idea, thank you guys for that suggestion!!
Wiseman, he has no rights or visitation established and as far as I’m aware, he has no interest. He seems happy with his yearly check-in via text, which is okay with me as he’s not exactly a good role model and really has no clue how to be a parent. He does not pay child support, and we both prefer it that way. He couldn’t afford it, I don’t need it, and I’d rather he not go to jail for nonpayment. We have discussed adoption with our local court, just didn’t receive much direction so we are still gathering info. Bio-father has happily agreed to sign his rights away so there will be no issues there (he knows and likes my husband, and is grateful for his role in my daughters life).
It’s really the best situation it could be, we’re just coming up on the time to explain reality to my daughter and it’s a difficult situation to navigate. My parents are still happily married, as are most of the couples in my family, so this is pretty foreign to me.
Originally Posted by Wiseman2
If he has no interest in her, do you think its in her best interest for him to visit her? I mean, could you talk with her about it and gradually introduce the idea and when you feel SHE is ready, you let them meet? vs on his timeline. Whether its when SHE verbally asked to meet him (that could be a few years) or when you felt she understood enough and it wouldn't be a shock. I think quickly bringing her to speed and then BAM introducing him would be tough.Originally Posted by indea08
I would speak to an adoption agency that handles family/step-parent adoptions. They will guide you completely. Its not an expensive process.
I really think that just like a completely adopted kid, she should have been told from the word go about the fact that her daddy was daddy but when she was born, she had a different father. So instead of it being a deep and heavy thing - it was just a lot of small comments over time and she never "didn't know".
If he is signing his rights away, why does he want to see her? Is he going to ask to see her after he does that? You say she thinks of your husband as “dad”—The last time he saw her, did she know he was her dad?
It may not be a bad idea to allow him to see her as often as he's willing to participate. This way he'll be viewed by your daughter as some friendly and beneficent person in the background of her life rather than someone you kept away from her. She's less likely to resent you later if you've never deprived her of knowing her bio father.Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
Treating this whole thing as some big secret is the thing that can get you into trouble with daughter later. I'd skip that, especially while she's young enough to be taught that it's all 'okay' instead of trying to pull off some big coverup she'll feel betrayed by later in life.
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