Ex girlfriend is confusing me. Tired of feeling heartbroken.

She dumped me for her ex. I didn’t stop her and just blocked on social media her for my own sanity. I tried to rekindle an amicable (not friends/BFF type) relationship as we work and live fairly close to one another and I try to act like a mature man sometimes. She didn’t seem to keen and we stopped ALL contact for about 8 months.

Thing is, she’s effectively cut off half of her ENTIRE family, so I know she can stop talking to people she cares about.

Over time though, her behavior has become more and more weird. And she’s actually been contacting me, but only in person.

Usually when I walk into work she has some reaction, whether it’s staring, getting jumpy or trying to have these “overly awesome” conversations with people I’m around. Sometimes she’ll leave the room for a couple minutes.

She always wants to be involved in what I’m doing/ who I’m talking to but won’t actually talk to me. When I speak to her though she’s usually nice or very shy. If we’re in the same room she’s always watching me. I’ll look up and there she is from across the room. Usually when she stares she won’t look away and stares deeply into my eyes.

From her own words eye contact was her “Way to show a guy she liked him.”

She always seems happy to talk to me, but when I talk back to her her it’s like she immediately gets emotional and shy. So it’s really hard to communicate. She kind of hops between very confident and happy to extremely shy and nervous around me.

I “think” I’m very good at having a poker face, so it’s not like I’m actively pursuing her and waiting on her beck and call. I may share a FEW friendly words with her during the day but that’s the only time I actually reach out to her. Emotionally (admittedly) I feel tied to her.

I love this girl so much. This is a tough situation. Honestly, I just want closure. I am SO tired of loving this girl. I’d do anything for her, but only if she felt the same way. How do you think she feels about me? (PLEASE be honest)

She dumped you for her ex. That's how she feels about you.

Sorry to be blunt, but in the end, that's what matters. Also, she seems extremely confused to say the least. I find it very unlikely you'll get anything positive from interacting with her, especially given how strongly you feel for her.

She sounds like a flake to me. She dumped you for another guy, why cant you learn to accept that and move on? You are wasting too much time wondering what she's thinking.

Trust me if I knew the answe to that question I wouldn’t be on here asking. Thanks

First thing is deciding you need to move on. Second step will be finding out how.

There's no way to figure out how to get somewhere if you don't know where you're going!

Bottom line: she dumped you for her ex. You should not put another ounce of energy into this woman.

Move on.

Well, ignore her if you can. She's got a boyfriend. Only talk to her if you need to know something about work. That's about it. And move on.

She is likely hoping you'll be her Back-Up Boy in case things fall apart with her ex again.

It's her ego talking. She broke up with you to go back to him, so I think it's pretty clear where her heart and mind are (with him) She also knows she hurt you, hence her shy or nervous behaviour around you. Most people don't want to be reminded of the pain they've caused others, so they skit around the topic or even the person involved.

Try as best you can to write her off. She's not a good candidate for reconciliation, at all.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Are you hoping she's being friendly because she left her bf? Since you work together, it's complicated and difficult to tell if she doesn't want drama at work or still wants to be friends.

She dumped me for her ex. She didn’t seem to keen and we stopped ALL contact for about 8 months. I love this girl so much. I’d do anything for her, but only if she felt the same way. How do you think she feels about me?

Sorry to hear that you are suffering. You can put an end to this. You have the power. This woman is playing mind games with you to keep you hooked. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. The other advice given in this post is accurate as well. She wants to keep your thoughts on her so that she can return to you at a time that's convenient for her. This is out of convenience and manipulation, not love. And it keeps you from moving forward in your own life. Its selfish.

If you let her return to you- if you entertain her on ANY level (sex, phone calls, texts, visits, etc) after she dropped you for another guy, you will be seen as a doormat and she won't ever respect you again as a man. Let her go and move on!! If you know you still love her, and try to make her work hard to regain your trust and affections, she will see right through it(how DARE you enforce boundaries now when you haven't been)and she will dump you again later on--making you feel worse for going back to her. So please, for the sake of your sanity, let her go and avoid her- she just wasnt the right woman for you and the universe is screaming this! Shes out there but this woman is not.

She is NOT being loyal to her current bf because shes too busy playing mind games with you and trying to keep you enmeshed with her. So he doesnt win, and neither will you. Therefore, she is not a woman that is capable of a loyal, mature, stable long term partnership. My advice: Avert your thoughts from her. Take time to heal. Make room for a real woman that will really love and respect you to come into your life. Why? Because, shes immature now and doesnt know who or what she wants. But she doesnt want either one of you guys. Her actions speak this loudly. She left you for him, but shes still giving you mixed signals, etc, when she should've left you alone completely and went on with her life.

When she matures, or finds someone she really wants to be serious with, shes going to leave you both alone for good. So just save yourself the time and heartbreak and move forward now. Good luck to you!!!

I try to act like a mature man sometimes.

The most 'mature' thing we can do with exes is to figure out exactly WHY we would want to play at friendship? What's in that for you beyond harming your own healing and forming a stagnant platform for manipulation?

I'd skip that. I'd develop a convenient case of amnesia that behaves with the same civility I'd treat a stranger when crossing paths in public. Beyond that, I'd move my focus onto more important people and surprising everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back. I'd create a fabulous future, and I'd avoid dating anyone who's fresh out of a breakup or who still has ties to an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children.

Head high, and move yourself FORward.

I think when we are left behind and still have lingering feelings, we try to find some cryptic meaning in insignificant situations.

She may act odd or you may be trying to find some meaning behind her actions when there isn't any.

It's ok. Given the situation its typical.

That all being said, it's no doubt awkward to be in close proximity.

Don't give it more importance than it deserves.

First off, she dumped you for someone else. Second, she doesn't want to be with you. Third, she can be happy talking to you and wondering what you are doing and whats going on with your life because she has emotionally moved on from you and she is perfectly happy being with this other guy.

Think about it. If you dumped someone to go back to your X and you are happy as ever, would you avoid the girl you dumped who you know is still single? Heck no, you would be on top of the world and ask your X, how are you doing? Any dates? Whats going on with your life? And she is talking to you because she doesn't believe talking to you hurts you. She is happy so there is no harm in saying hi and carrying on a conversation with you.

And I will ask you what I was asked when I was in your shoes many moons ago. Why are you still in love with someone that doesn't love you back? Also, it is hard to be 'friends' with your X if you still romantic feelings or emotional strings attached to them. She is not giving you hints, signs, signals saying "I want you back" She didn't do that for her X. She went thru the action and proved to her X that she wanted him back by dumping you so what makes you think she is doing that to you? The relationship is over. If you said you would do anything for her, then quit talking to her. You are doing yourself no favors by continuing communicating with her.

things aren't going well with her ex and so she is reaching out to you to see if your available for a branch swing.

She dumped me for her ex. I didn’t stop her and just blocked on social media her for my own sanity. I tried to rekindle an amicable (not friends/BFF type) relationship as we work and live fairly close to one another and I try to act like a mature man sometimes. She didn’t seem to keen and we stopped ALL contact for about 8 months.

 

Thing is, she’s effectively cut off half of her ENTIRE family, so I know she can stop talking to people she cares about.

 

Over time though, her behavior has become more and more weird. And she’s actually been contacting me, but only in person.

 

Usually when I walk into work she has some reaction, whether it’s staring, getting jumpy or trying to have these “overly awesome” conversations with people I’m around. Sometimes she’ll leave the room for a couple minutes.

 

She always wants to be involved in what I’m doing/ who I’m talking to but won’t actually talk to me. When I speak to her though she’s usually nice or very shy. If we’re in the same room she’s always watching me. I’ll look up and there she is from across the room. Usually when she stares she won’t look away and stares deeply into my eyes.

 

From her own words eye contact was her “Way to show a guy she liked him.”

 

She always seems happy to talk to me, but when I talk back to her her it’s like she immediately gets emotional and shy. So it’s really hard to communicate. She kind of hops between very confident and happy to extremely shy and nervous around me.

 

I “think” I’m very good at having a poker face, so it’s not like I’m actively pursuing her and waiting on her beck and call. I may share a FEW friendly words with her during the day but that’s the only time I actually reach out to her. Emotionally (admittedly) I feel tied to her.

 

I love this girl so much. This is a tough situation. Honestly, I just want closure. I am SO tired of loving this girl. I’d do anything for her, but only if she felt the same way. How do you think she feels about me? (PLEASE be honest)

This game will continue as long as you let it. She wants to have her relationship with her boyfriend, but also wants attention from you when she needs it. When you start getting wrapped up in it again, she'll distance herself. It'll go back and forth. I'm not sure what kind of job you have, but if you are a student and this is just a job you have for living while going to school, find another job. If it's easy enough, finding a new place to work will be a MASSIVE stress reduction. It's really tough getting over someone you have to see every day. Really tough. But if you don't feel like you can find another job, don't participate in her games. Be polite, but be brief. Keep your interactions work related. If you happen to catch her looking at you, don't stare back. Just go about your business.

What she's doing is trying to get you to initiate more intimate contact. Once she gets her fix, she'll cast you aside. People throw the word "Narcissist" around too much now, but she very well may be one. She just needs attention from you when she wants it. Nothing more. You'll never have a healthy relationship with her. But I would seriously consider finding another job if you can.

First off, she dumped you for someone else. Second, she doesn't want to be with you. Third, she can be happy talking to you and wondering what you are doing and whats going on with your life because she has emotionally moved on from you and she is perfectly happy being with this other guy.

Think about it. If you dumped someone to go back to your X and you are happy as ever, would you avoid the girl you dumped who you know is still single? Heck no, you would be on top of the world and ask your X, how are you doing? Any dates? Whats going on with your life? And she is talking to you because she doesn't believe talking to you hurts you. She is happy so there is no harm in saying hi and carrying on a conversation with you.

And I will ask you what I was asked when I was in your shoes many moons ago. Why are you still in love with someone that doesn't love you back? Also, it is hard to be 'friends' with your X if you still romantic feelings or emotional strings attached to them. She is not giving you hints, signs, signals saying "I want you back" She didn't do that for her X. She went thru the action and proved to her X that she wanted him back by dumping you so what makes you think she is doing that to you? The relationship is over. If you said you would do anything for her, then quit talking to her. You are doing yourself no favors by continuing communicating with her.

I don't think this is necessarily true, from what the OP has said I do think she still has lingering feelings and hasn't completely emotionally moved on.

That said, it really doesn't matter. She made the decision that somebody else was more important to her, perhaps she still wants you around as a backup but make no mistake she decided you weren't the priority. Why would you want to be with that person? She probably does miss you a bit, but not enough to get back together, so what exactly is it worth?

I don't buy in to this if you're really happy you start contacting your ex theory though. Most people when they're happy in their life aren't bothering to check up on their exes. They've moved on and are happy with their new life, why risk contacting an ex and potentially annoying your current partner? This isn't true for everybody of course, but personally I can say that yeah if I dumped somebody and got with another girl who I was happy with, contacting the ex would be the last thing on my mind.

Basically OP .. probably does miss you a little, probably is still curious to see if you're seeing someone/if you've moved on, but didn't value you as a partner and doesn't now.

It is absolutely possible that the girl is talking to the OP because she is happy and she wants to relieve her guilt. Its not like the two had a big argument or left on bad terms. The girl decided to go with the previous X and broke up with the OP. It is very possible that she talks to him in a friendly tone not because she wants him back but to make sure he is okay. This relieves her guilt knowing if the guy she hurt is okay.

I don't know what the dynamics of the X and her new BF are but from what it sounds like, she is not depressed, sad, or saying her relationship sucks or bad mouthing her new BF which to me sounds like she is happy and she has possibly emotionally moved on from the OP and hers relationship. I have seen it many times an X contacting the one they hurt to soften the blow.

This is just one possibility of course, from the info presented, I don't think she is talking to him to get a feel of returning. She knows she can come back to the OP at any time so no need to be friendly or nice to him. She is currently happy (or appears to be).

Either way, the OP does not have any position of strength to get his X back. Talking to her except for purposes of work will do nothing but hurt and confuse him. Regardless of the reason why she talks to him, the OP must limit or eliminate conversations. And what I do know about people is that eventually they will show their hand.