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Thread: My ex refuses to go to our daughters wedding in France!

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, look, the father divorced the mother 18 years ago, so it's quite possible that the father hasn't been in her life much, and sometimes, children from a first marriage get the short end of the stick after a divorce. And his current wife's jealousy may still extend to the ex-wife 18 years later. Also, it's in friggin' France. To me, I wouldn't want to go either.
    Not even for your own daughter's wedding?

    I really did grow up with a fairy tale father, as he'd have traveled anywhere, anytime. The more stories I hear like this, the more I realize it.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Not even for your own daughter's wedding?

    I really did grow up with a fairy tale father, as he'd have traveled anywhere, anytime. The more stories I hear like this, the more I realize it.
    Again, it depends on how close I was to the daughter, how spoiled she is, how much money I have, and how mad my current wife is going to be if she sees my ex wife!

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Again, it depends on how close I was to the daughter, how spoiled she is, how much money I have, and how mad my current wife is going to be if she sees my ex wife!
    Wow. Just wow.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member kalikat's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, look, the father divorced the mother 18 years ago, so it's quite possible that the father hasn't been in her life much, and sometimes, children from a first marriage get the short end of the stick after a divorce. And his current wife's jealousy may still extend to the ex-wife 18 years later. Also, it's in friggin' France. That's at least $2000 and 5 days spent travelling back and forth and the wedding. To me, I wouldn't want to go either.
    All bad assumptions. They have been in each others life quite a bit. No short stick. When we divorced we both agreed to be in our daughters life as much as possible, and to make all major decisions together.
    AND No expenses. If his wife is jealous she needs to get over it. Like you said - its been 18 friggin years.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You were lucky . My father fought with me about my wedding in the same freaking city. And my grandparents ( fatherís parents )never came to my wedding in protest. They to all my cousins weddings even one across the whole freaking continent AND my brotherís but not mine. Yup, still remember it and my grandparents are long dead . My dad fought with me about whether he was going to walk me down the aisle or not and changed his mind every three days for about six weeks . Even on my wedding day I wasnít sure he was going to show up . I had my brother as a back up in case he didnít.

    Between my dad and his buffoons and my mom talking about her impending marriage my whole wedding felt like a shyte show .

    Can you tell I am bitter? And itís 25 years later almost .
    What the hell! Why?????

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, look, the father divorced the mother 18 years ago, so it's quite possible that the father hasn't been in her life much, and sometimes, children from a first marriage get the short end of the stick after a divorce. And his current wife's jealousy may still extend to the ex-wife 18 years later. Also, it's in friggin' France. That's at least $2000 and 5 days spent travelling back and forth and the wedding. To me, I wouldn't want to go either.
    You would not attend your daughter's wedding if it were another country? It's not like the father is even shelling out a penny for the wedding.

    OP, your ex is incredibly selfish. Why won't he go without the ex? Inexcusable.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Wow. Just wow.
    Yup...............

  9. #18
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    Has she had a heart to heart with her dad? Just one on one, face to face ( even if it has to be by Skype)?

    I don't think you 'have to' talk to him about this. This is between daughter and father. I think it's fine to encourage her to tell him how she really feels. But it should come from her. Not only because it would give her the greatest chance of success of closeness with her dad, but also because it shows her you respect her as a grown woman now and that you have confidence in her managing her own relationships and disappointments.

    I'd avoid gossiping with her too about her step mom. Don't let it get sucked into drama from long ago. You just do your thing as her mom and try to let go of anything to do with trying to control those two.

    I've never been in this situation but I'd respect a parent a lot for taking a higher ground of not butting in. She's not a little girl anymore. Though I get to parents, weddings and such can bring up a lot of feelings about loss as well as happiness. And maybe there's more to it than the wife getting jealous - maybe he's going off the rails a bit as well knowing she's getting married? If there's love between them, hopefully they can work it out and he will be there.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make it about your daughter and her special day. Her father can do or not do whatever he wants. It's not your call or decision. It's between her and her father. He's the one who'll have to deal with it if he's being a jerk about it.

    Stay out of the tug of war between you and your ex husband's wife. Don't make this more stressful for your daughter or make her take sides. Stay out of it and instead of the ongoing hate and resentment for your ex husband's wife, focus on your daughter, the wedding plans and making the day special for her.
    Originally Posted by kalikat
    The problem is with my ex husband (her dad). He and his wife are refusing to be a part of the wedding.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Make it about your daughter and her special day. Her father can do or not do whatever he wants. It's not your call or decision. It's between her and her father. He's the one who'll have to deal with it if he's being a jerk about it.

    Stay out of the tug of war between you and your ex husband's wife. Don't make this more stressful for your daughter or make her take sides. Stay out of it and instead of the ongoing hate and resentment for your ex husband's wife, focus on your daughter, the wedding plans and making the day special for her.
    AMEN!

    OPer the fact that you keep on bringing up his current wife is just blaring red lights over your head that say: Iím not over my divorce. Or I didnít think my ex would ever pick a woman over me, my point is you are way too focused on this mans wife.

    You can do like other posters said and throw a fit, youíll be the gossip topic of the wedding, so any negativity towards your ex for not showing up... will be shared with you or you can actually be there for your daughter.

    I had to edit out my agreement with Danzee because the OPer said her ex and her daughter have a great bond... even MORE reason to butt out.

    The only person who can and should hold him accountable is their daughter.

    Good lord sheís a grown woman who chose to have a destination wedding, sheís can handle this.

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