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Confronting a task which fills me with panic


itsallgrand

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Hi everyone. It's been a while since I posted for some help, but now I could use it.

Posting it here instead of career because it's not specifically about career, and also it's not the first time I've come across being in this situation.

 

So there a few things that I know I need to do , but I've been burying my head in the sand due to the amount of panic even talking about it brings up for me. I've tried a few things like making a list of steps. Sitting down without distractions or pressure to work on doing it in small increments. Trying to approach it when I'm already super relaxed.

 

It's this whole ball of paralysis . I feel guilty for putting it off, I feel scared and panic out of proportion , I feel sick and unable to focus when it comes to this task.

 

Any advice would be appreciated. I'd rather not specify the task too much, but it has to do with paperwork .

 

Thank you

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The ADHD nightmare. I feel you! I am not a hoarder, as this will sound like I am. Yet I have boxes of deferred decision making.

 

 

Things you already know, but taking a stab at it, divided into different sorts of effort.

 

1. Internal voice

ACCEPT. For me, I have accepted - not perfectly, but mostly - that there is a certain cost to being me. There may be a tax refund check buried in a stack of magazines next to my kids school pictures. I can't stand it. It kills me. But also, I accept that it is part of my mosaic. I pick away at these skills, I get better over time in teeny increments, but there is no changing the fact that it takes mental energy. I am mapped differently.

 

LET GO of expectations, of pathways that would have been fun to pursue if you had nine lives.

 

MUCH easier to do when you love yourself all the while.

 

EXERCISE. Take 10 minute breaks and take a brisk walk around the block, loops on the stairs, do jumping jacks or burpees or high knees. Get that oxygen up into your brain.

 

2. Practical

All the project things - break into small steps. Make decisions. Accept that you may need different kinds of storage for different topics. Make a project space where you can divide into topics and leave things out to look at again when you recharge. Caffeinate. Play upbeat music, or loud angry music even, just no lullabyes. Get a trusted friend to help you, or hire an organizer. I brag to my sister who is similarly afflicted: "two bags of paper left my house today!" CREATE a notebook of reminders, or a bulletin board, or a white board with magnets.

 

3. Vision

When we let go, we make room for new. Ideas, visions, relaxation -- it all happens because e make mental and physical space for it. Envision that space.

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Is it about this new business venture you are up to?

 

I have to say that when I have to deal with situations like this, I let myself act impulsively because when I think logically I am paralyzed by fear. I know acting impulsively is not the best solution or the most efficient but honestly this is how I cope. I just do it fast and whatever happens.

I don't know if this is the same situation.

 

Hope you find a better way :)

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Honestly just dive in and start doing it. Any part of it really. Once you start, you'll find it's not what you are thinking or imagining and you'll get absorbed by the task and be done before you know it. It will be a huge mental relief too. Literally, grab a form or whatever paper and get to addressing it.

 

The more time you spend thinking about doing it, making lists, etc, the more you'll wind yourself up and anyway, it's all just a delay tactic that doesn't get you any closer to being done with it. All you are doing is making it worse, more guilt, more anxiety, etc.

 

Think of it like diving into a pool. If you do it slowly, you just prolong the discomfort. If you just jump in, the water is just fine.

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Little bit by little bit.

 

Get some of it done, take a breather. Relax, think positive thoughts. Do a little bit more.

 

Don't overthink.

 

Eventually you will get most of it done and the anxiety will go right down.

 

It's what I am doing right now. I set a goal to get certain tasks done each day. Take a break, and do a bit more the next day. It would be too much to do it all in one go.

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While my post imagines a broad range of paperwork that needs to be addressed, the same applies to a specific topic of paperwork.

 

Accept that we are imperfect, actually, it is our imperfection that makes us beautiful - gives us skills and traits we might not otherwise have. Paperwork or its purpose may be frightening or anxiety producing... perhaps because we fear the outcome, we judge ourselves, we expect retribution, we expect success. The fear reduces when we accept that we are who we are. The outcome, whatever it is, doesn't change that.

 

Let go of expectations and future visions and focus on the process.

 

You can handle whatever it is that is around the corner. You will still be you afterwards.

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I've tried a few things like making a list of steps. Sitting down without distractions or pressure to work on doing it in small increments. Trying to approach it when I'm already super relaxed.

 

A few thoughts...

Can you add small rewards between those steps, and a big reward/special luxury treat at the end? Focus on the rewards, and the steps are just a means to get there?

In other words, pair it with something positive and special?

 

Also, check in with the panic, what it feels like, and notice it as energy (not a label, not good or bad). Simply energy, and useful energy that can be used to fuel you to where you want to go. "This feeling, this is just energy, energy for this task." Use it up to get it done.

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I've found myself in a similar position before.

 

Whenever I talked to a specific loved one about it, she always told me what I knew to be true, "Just get it done, you'll feel better".

 

I knew she was right. I knew that once I sat down, I would feel uncomfortable and stressed out, and that I would probably feel this way for a bit. But I also knew that I would feel SO much better once it was done.

 

It's frustrating to think that the one thing that will help us feel better about doing a task that makes us feel anxious and stressed is to actually do it, right?

 

It helped when I cleared a day to get this done to ensure I had no interruptions. I'd start early in the morning after doing some yoga (which always helps me to relax).

 

Once I began working on it, I felt better.

 

As much of a pain it can be to actually have to attack this task, I would just discipline yourself to sit down and do it. Set aside a day and get'er done. Otherwise, the longer you leave it, the more anxious you feel.

 

It's almost like you have to sit down and just put yourself through it in order to release any feelings of anxiousness and stress.

 

Weird, I know.

 

Remember to take it easy on yourself and that there's only so much you can do. Nothing, nor anyone, is perfect.

 

The stress that we put on ourselves is unnecessary, although so hard to control. But remember that with/without this stress & anxiety, the outcome will remain the same.

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Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. It feels good to get it out of my head a little bit. I'm going to try a mix of this advice. It's gotten where it's just this constant worry bubbling all the time and it's driving me nuts .

 

Diaz, it sort of is. Its necessary if I'm going to move forward the way I want for my future.

 

Ugh!! Going to re read these posts a few times through.

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I am so much like you. Maybe not the degree you are at but I do often feel stuck or paralyzed when it comes to doing tasks.

 

I can make a million excuses to not make that call, and to not take care of something pending. It doesn't affect my work performance because no one would know otherwise, but I do often wait til the very last minute to do it and in turn it creates a lot of anxiety. It's so unnecessary, but it is what I do.

 

I went through therapy after my divorce and among a few other things I do struggle with `avoidance' issues. It spills into a lot of areas in my life, including relationships.

 

What I have learned is that when I am avoiding something it creates a really uncomfortable anxiety. After I have taken care of it the anxiety goes away.

So there is an award for having done it. It can be even the most mundane thing, it's kind of silly.

 

I go through cycles now depending on my moods. I am better at it then I used to be.

 

But what works for me is to make a list of everything I need to take care of. From the most minor up to something crucial. I sit myself down in my office and close my door and tell myself I am not allowed out until I have crossed everything off my list.

I feel the greatest sense of relief when I am done.

 

For the life of me I don't understand why I make it more difficult then it needs to be sometimes. But I have long accepted that this who I am and I try to not be so hard on myself.

 

Ultimately, it's my own internal struggle. I am strong and capable, but I just go around it in a weird way :)

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I am so much like you. Maybe not the degree you are at but I do often feel stuck or paralyzed when it comes to doing tasks.

 

I can make a million excuses to not make that call, and to not take care of something pending. It doesn't affect my work performance because no one would know otherwise, but I do often wait til the very last minute to do it and in turn it creates a lot of anxiety. It's so unnecessary, but it is what I do.

 

I went through therapy after my divorce and among a few other things I do struggle with `avoidance' issues. It spills into a lot of areas in my life, including relationships.

 

What I have learned is that when I am avoiding something it creates a really uncomfortable anxiety. After I have taken care of it the anxiety goes away.

So there is an award for having done it. It can be even the most mundane thing, it's kind of silly.

 

I go through cycles now depending on my moods. I am better at it then I used to be.

 

But what works for me is to make a list of everything I need to take care of. From the most minor up to something crucial. I sit myself down in my office and close my door and tell myself I am not allowed out until I have crossed everything off my list.

I feel the greatest sense of relief when I am done.

 

For the life of me I don't understand why I make it more difficult then it needs to be sometimes. But I have long accepted that this who I am and I try to not be so hard on myself.

 

Ultimately, it's my own internal struggle. I am strong and capable, but I just go around it in a weird way :)

 

This is me, down to the smallest detail.

 

Clearly, IAG, you are not alone!

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What about this particular project fills you with panic?

 

I've been sitting with that since I posted. Why the panic. Why this, not other things, sometimes things much more difficult in actuality for me to perform are not stress inducing and I get it done without sweat by others set off this alarm bell of fright?!

 

I think because it's emotionally loaded for me and it brings up a lot of other stuff to do with my mom and to do with certain fears I have too. Of failing, of messing it up, of not being worth it somehow. It's really strange how much some paperwork and phone calls scare me. But then I've for as long as I can remember been adverse to bigger risks. But that means keeping things relatively small, even if stable. To grow, I have to risk more. I guess it's just scary?!

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I've been sitting with that since I posted. Why the panic. Why this, not other things, sometimes things much more difficult in actuality for me to perform are not stress inducing and I get it done without sweat by others set off this alarm bell of fright?!

 

I think because it's emotionally loaded for me and it brings up a lot of other stuff to do with my mom and to do with certain fears I have too. Of failing, of messing it up, of not being worth it somehow. It's really strange how much some paperwork and phone calls scare me. But then I've for as long as I can remember been adverse to bigger risks. But that means keeping things relatively small, even if stable. To grow, I have to risk more. I guess it's just scary?!

 

I thought it may have been work-related.

 

Yes. When it comes to family members, it puts a lot more pressure on the situation. I can certainly relate. I am solely responsible for my mom.

 

When it comes to finances, health, whatever, I always try to utilize as many resources as possible. I start with friends for finances- as I trust them and they have expertise in the industry. Then, I go to the pros and see if if matches up with the advice. I do the same with everything. Never try to do things on your own, lean on friends professionals and internet to come to your conclusions.

 

I don't know if this is what you were seeking, or if what I said was too simplistic. I'm sure you will make the right decision. Get to it :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I suffer with the exact same issue. You are not alone!!! In fact, I am currently facing something I have put off for over 2 months now. I have really screwed myself over by not doing it... but the longer I let it sit untouched, the harder it seems to be get started on it again.

 

For me, I sit and accept the fact that I am obviously avoiding the issue, I just sit with that and realize it and fully be at peace with that choice. I take the pressure off in other words. What is the worst that can happen If I dont do it? Certainly not death.. maybe just an uncomfortable circumstance.

Then I try to visualize what will happen if I DO it. Usually there is a good outcome, maybe unknown, but always positive in some sense. I try to visualize being there, feeling accomplished and proud.

Then I begin to start at a tiny part of it, whether that be, buying office supplies, simply sitting at the computer desk. Watching a 'how to' video on YouTube. It gets the gears turning and sets off a bit of motivation for me.

 

Hopefully some of that helps. Good luck:)

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It's this whole ball of paralysis . I feel guilty for putting it off, I feel scared and panic out of proportion , I feel sick and unable to focus when it comes to this task.

 

Oh, I have the same problem. Certain things, I just seize up. Often, they are tasks that I actually WANT to do. I think it's a form of self sabotage. Reminds me a lot of this commercial, which made me LOL when I first saw it:

 

[video=youtube;ZG-VB5xb6KM]

 

I eventually force myself to complete the critical tasks, feeling rage the whole time. The non-critical tasks, I put off indefinitely and ruminate over them. Maybe I like the company of obsessive thought?

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I have to say that when I have to deal with situations like this, I let myself act impulsively because when I think logically I am paralyzed by fear. I know acting impulsively is not the best solution or the most efficient but honestly this is how I cope. I just do it fast and whatever happens.

 

Interesting strategy!!

 

Actually, I think it makes a lot of sense, especially considering right-brained vs. left-brained thinking (really it's one brain with a right- and a left-hemisphere, but it's easier to say it the wrong way). The left brain is a linear thought-processor, whereas the right brain is nonlinear and jumps around. School and culture teaches us to rely on the methodical left-brained method of thinking (which is measurable and predictable!) and we are thereby taught not to depend on (and even to mistrust and suppress) the 'weird' right brained impulses.

 

But we all still have right hemispheres in our brains, and they are extremely powerful and perceptive. I've read that people who have learning disabilities are often able to 'hide' it in school because of the leaps and bounds their right brain is able to make just by looking at something. The right brain doesn't have to read long paragraphs of text to understand things, it just has to see--hence the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words."

 

In fact (I tell this story a lot) years ago, I had to learn a certain software on the job. Without it, I couldn't complete my work. I would scour books and internet forums to learn how to do certain tasks. I had to do it fast because I had deadlines. As I read through the information, I saw other things that I didn't know how to do. It gave me a lot of anxiety, like how am I ever going to be able to learn all of this stuff and still get work out the door??

 

But as time went on and it became necessary to learn the next steps, I realized I already knew how to do that stuff! I had absorbed a lot of information from the diagrams I had seen months ago, and that I knew exactly where it "went" in the order of things. I also knew how to find the source if I needed it. It was the craziest thing. But that's the right brain for you. It's quiet, but it's always working.

 

Point is, your 'impulses' may not actually be impulses. You might just be in tune to your right brain, which is a nonlinear problem-solver.

 

And Itsallgrand, maybe try just letting go and doing whatever.

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I've started it.😀

It's going to take a bit of time, and some of it is dependent on waiting on other people to complete it.

 

But it's on it's way. Thank you so much for all the encouragement.

 

Sometimes the negative thoughts going through your head about something can go into a spiral. That's what happened here. I need the burst of positivity.

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I've started it.😀

It's going to take a bit of time, and some of it is dependent on waiting on other people to complete it.

 

But it's on it's way. Thank you so much for all the encouragement.

 

Sometimes the negative thoughts going through your head about something can go into a spiral. That's what happened here. I need the burst of positivity.

 

Yay, you! I always tell myself before approaching hated tasks, "You've got to be in it to win it!"

 

Once I take off a bite and chew it, all the unnecessary suffering goes away. Sure, I'm left with the suffering of doing the task, but I've take away the 'phantom' suffering that was far worse.

 

I hope you'll let us know how things go.

 

Head high, you deserve to give yourself a nice reward for starting. It can be anything except for another delay.

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