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Thread: How to speak with my parents about him ?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chloe157
    I am just paranoid, and asking for some tips on how to explain to them.
    Why are you having such trepidation to speak to your parents? Do you not have a loving and open relationship with them where you can go to them freely to discuss most things? I hope you can... we must all strive to make our children not afraid to come to us for any kind of advice.

    What is the worse thing they can do to you? They will not give you their blessing or they will. If they don't give it then consider waiting to date this guy until you are out of your parents home and on your own. You are 18 and surely they don't expect you to be living the life of a Nun.

    Simply go to them and tell them you've met a nice young man and you'd be very happy if they would meet him. If this guy won't meet them then he's not the good guy you think he is.

    ... and please be more cautious. You only know this guy from what he's told you and one short meeting. That is not enough to know whether he's a good guy or he's a poser just waiting to pounce.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's normal at your age to want to be more independent. Was he on a dating site? Are you parents conservative or over protective for some reason? Don't worry about them, worry about you. At this point you had fun but you don't know if he's married, has a gf etc. Don't "sell him" to your parents. Don't try the he's got a good job, blah blah approach.

    Rather talk to them that you are ready to date and need some practice going on dates. Keep it about you. Then be home when you say you will, etc. In other words don't tell them how mature you are, show them by being responsible and using appropriate safely measures, like meeting in public, not drinking on dates etc.
    Originally Posted by Chloe157
    he came in my city with a train for few hours. he wants to visit me one time on every month. The problem is that I have to speak to my parents, because I can't hide anymore.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Why are you having such trepidation to speak to your parents? Do you not have a loving and open relationship with them where you can go to them freely to discuss most things? I hope you can... we must all strive to make our children not afraid to come to us for any kind of advice.

    I have a good relationship with my parents and they are open minded, my mom always told me to tell everything, and even thought it went well, I don't know how she will react.

    What is the worse thing they can do to you? They will not give you their blessing or they will. If they don't give it then consider waiting to date this guy until you are out of your parents home and on your own. You are 18 and surely they don't expect you to be living the life of a Nun.

    That's true.

    Simply go to them and tell them you've met a nice young man and you'd be very happy if they would meet him. If this guy won't meet them then he's not the good guy you think he is.

    Thanks. I saw a lot of negative comments here and I almost started to cry because I have seen that people find my situation something really bad, and it is really not like this. There is a good part in this also, I wanted to make something on my own, to prove that I know what I am doing in my life.
    And, by the way, he hasn t got any problem with meeting my parents. He is the one encouraging me to tell them the truth because he kinda feels also awkward and guilty knowing that I lied to them to meet him.

    ... and please be more cautious. You only know this guy from what he's told you and one short meeting. That is not enough to know whether he's a good guy or he's a poser just waiting to pounce.
    Thanks, I was cautious. I don't speak with anyone, and am very selective and I double ckeck every information about poeple I talk. We talked for few months, he is a serious adult, with a serious job, he finished college and he even has photos with his parents at graduation. Everything is fine, and in person, he is a simple guy. I may had the courage to met him, but he also payed a lot for coming at me. I have to admit that I took it like a game, I was like: "yeah, let's meet" but never thought that he will actually take it serious, and he wants to see me again when he will have again money to come. I was the one who wanted this, but never thought about how it will be.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's normal at your age to want to be more independent. Was he on a dating site?

    On facebook, in a comment section about a rock concert. But it is not that important, it's been few months. I knew how he looked, we chatted, talked on phone, he has some family photos online and a full profile with informations, saw his parents there too, and college friends etc. Not a ghost on the interent, this is what I am saying.

    Are you parents conservative or over protective for some reason?

    They are ok. Protective, but also open minded.

    Rather talk to them that you are ready to date and need some practice going on dates. Keep it about you. Then be home when you say you will, etc. In other words don't tell them how mature you are, show them by being responsible and using appropriate safely measures, like meeting in public, not drinking on dates etc.
    But this is what we did. We met in public and walked in the city and showed him different new things for 7 hours. And then he took the train back.

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  6. #15
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    Just be honest with them. There's not much else you can do. Tell them you met a guy you like, explain the situation, see how they feel about it. You seem to be assuming they will be against you on this... they might suprise you. You are old enough they can't exactly stop you seeing him again but it would be safer if they knew where you were and who you were with.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When I was 18 and 19, there were things my parents forbid me to do, which I was frustrated about at the time. As an adult, I thank God I didn't go behind their backs because now that my brain has matured (the decision-making part, the pre-frontal cortex doesn't mature until age 25), I see that they were absolutely right and I would've put myself in danger.

    In my opinion, there's something mentally wrong with a 25 year old guy who wants to date a girl in high school who still lives with her parents. You two are in totally different life stages. And long distance relationships have a high rate of failure, especially ones that start that way.

    If he's so cute and has his stuff together, why has he sought someone who it's a pain to regularly get together with? Could it be has secrets? For all you know, he could be married or has a gf, and dating someone long distance will keep those two worlds from colliding. Could it be that he dates short term and as soon as he gets the cookie, it's easier since the woman can't track him down to his home?

    You're playing with fire here. Get off the internet and join the real world, where you can see what a guy is up to locally--who his family and friends are. What his work ethic is like. What his hobbies are. And it's much more satisfying to get together with someone regularly versus Skypeing and spending a lot of money in traveling. You might think you're making the best decisions for yourself, but know that you're still a teen living at home, so to honor your parents, please accept their rules and follow them. They love you and want to protect you until you can make wise decisions for yourself, which you definitely didn't do by meeting a stranger much older than you. Predators don't always attack the first time. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, had given one woman a ride once before, before the second ride when he made the attack.

    Whenever you have to keep a relationship a secret, it's always wrong and you know it. Please be safe and let them know what's going on in your life.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by BettyBee
    Just be honest with them. There's not much else you can do. Tell them you met a guy you like, explain the situation, see how they feel about it. You seem to be assuming they will be against you on this... they might suprise you. You are old enough they can't exactly stop you seeing him again but it would be safer if they knew where you were and who you were with.
    Wow, thanks. Guess I am gonna try when I will feel to. I don't know if they will be against... everything is possible. Of course they will be disappointed because I lied or afraid about the fact that maybe he is not how I describe him. But yeah, of course they can't stop me, it will be so stupid. Yeah, it will be safer. Also, I have to tell them because it won't work again, as they are home and know when I leave the house and ask me everytime about the people I see.

  9. #18
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    You are true somehow... I am so stuck and disturbed and I don't know what to do.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    My grandmother eloped with her husband when she was 17 and he was 26. Married 65 years. Died within 6 months of each other. Course this is a long time ago.

    In my opinion, guys mature later than women. My youngest son was very immature at 25. He's 26 now and still looks and acts like he's a teenager. ugh

    I've told women who couldn't find a guy to date...in THEIR age group....to date older. Guys at 18 and 19 are extremely immature.

    Hopefully your parents will be accepting. Have him come to the door and introduce him. Say you met on a dating site and have been talking for a few month. That he has traveled hours so he could meet them, and have their blessing. Then SIT together with them....so if they want to ask him questions, he will be there in person to answer them. Maybe have dinner all together. Then after a few hours, ask your parents if it would be ok for you to go with him around the city for an hour.

    Hopefully they will be comfortable enough with him for them to say yes.

    If you tell them that you lied and met up with him while they were gone, they will punish you and HIM by saying NO. Your new guy friend is suggesting/pushing for you to tell your parents, right? He's not wanting to be a secret...right? I'm saying this more for the other posters on here.....


    Good Luck. I was not suppose to date til I was 18. When I was 19 I met a guy 9 years older. He was just going thru his 2nd divorce. A drinker. Lived with him for 3 years. I grew up a lot in those 3 years.

  11. #20
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    I've told women who couldn't find a guy to date...in THEIR age group....to date older. Guys at 18 and 19 are extremely immature.

    I know... I have been with one that my parents also knew - He was the biggest liar
    And then I dated my crush, and after we both told that we liked eachother he changed his mind telling me that he see my like a friend and he didn't know at that moment what he wanted and that he doesn't want a relationship anyway... and then I have discovered that he was with another girl. So yeah, there are many immature guys at this age.

    Hopefully your parents will be accepting. Have him come to the door and introduce him. Say you met on a dating site and have been talking for a few month. That he has traveled hours so he could meet them, and have their blessing. Then SIT together with them....so if they want to ask him questions, he will be there in person to answer them. Maybe have dinner all together. Then after a few hours, ask your parents if it would be ok for you to go with him around the city for an hour.

    Wow, thank you for supporting this.

    Hopefully they will be comfortable enough with him for them to say yes.

    If you tell them that you lied and met up with him while they were gone, they will punish you and HIM by saying NO. Your new guy friend is suggesting/pushing for you to tell your parents, right? He's not wanting to be a secret...right? I'm saying this more for the other posters on here.....

    Yeah, it was only my ideea to lie. He has nothing to do with it. Also he is always telling me that the more I am hiding it the harder it will be for me.

    Thanks ! I also talked to him and it is not a problem and he can just stop hurring up with this relationship and just enjoying eachother because I told him that there are some things that bother me everyday. At least, he understands me.

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