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Bf caught in lie but always cries for forgiveness


navmon

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So my bf and I have been dating for 1yr 6months. June last year(nov. 2017) he went to visit a friend (let's call her ally) at college, stayed 3 nights and just chilled. He then tells that allys friend is chillin there just for a lil bit. Didn't think much abt it and moved on. Now (jun/Oct. 2018) he was talking abt having a threesome, he's talked abt it in the past but I'd always say no, but this time I felt the need to test him and I said yea and to show me a girl. 3 seconds later he sends me a screenshot of a girl(BTW I DIDN'T KNOW THIS GIRL WAS FRIENDS W ALLY UNTIL I SAW HER IG, AND I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THIS GIRL WAS THE ONE IN THE DORM). Asked him a few questions which he answered: I don't talk to her, I met her when I went to visit ally, she just walked right passed me and decided to follow her. He clearly stated that they did not have any sort of communication ally and the friend just said hi to each other in the hallway and kept going and he just had to be there, nothing else. I asked why her and he said, "I've always wanted to be with a black girl and she's pretty" then I said how will he ask her and he said "I'll just text her and ask her for a 3some" mind u he said they don't talk. If I random guy I barely met comes at me with that question he'd get blocked. I then told him I was not w it. THIS SAME FRIEND 2 DAYS LATER pops up thru his dm telling him to text her back (no answer) the day after she texted him again the same thing. I texted her as my bf (w my bf next to me) she was saying she sent him a funny tweet and when shed see him again, I texted her back saying how ally transferred so there's no reason for me going to that university and she seemed confused and was asking me what was I talking abt. She ended up blocking my bf and every thing. There was nothing else but those dms so I let it go. Went thru his snap and saw a chat with ally and she sent him this girls snap (jun) he didn't had her on snap so I added her and he basically said hi to her and how he's "been thinking abt her cute a$$ for a while now" and to text cause he wanna talk to her. Would you guys break up? Is this cheating? Do u think he's cheating? I haven't said anything abt this to him.

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Yes, I would break up with him.

 

He's obviously lying to you about a lot of things, which is dumpworthy in and of itself. Has he cheated? Eh, wouldn't surprise me. But I wouldn't stick around and wait for that to happen.

 

He's too immature and uncommitted for the type of relationship you want, OP.

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Do you want to be exclusive? If so, he's not your guy and he's not interested in that. It's up to you to break up and move on if what he wants and is doing sexually is not what you want. You don't need any specific definition of cheating. You need to decide if you're compatible with his desire for a bunch of women.

he was talking abt having a threesome
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We are exclusive, he says it just bc he wants to try it but he's told me he's more than okay with me. But I totally understand what you're saying, maybe I should ask him if he only wants to experience it or if it's more of a lifestyle. I don't know if that is the best way to put it hehe

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Oh man...I would definitely break up. He doesn't have his sights set only on you, does he?

 

If he's eyeing up other girls like this, he clearly isn't happy with just you and it's only a matter of time before he cheats full on.

 

Plus it can't feel good to know that your 'boyfriend' is checking out other girls and flirting with them.

 

I would tell him it's over. Find yourself a good man who is loyal only to you and wants no one else.

 

He's not the one and he will eventually cause you serious heartbreak if you stay with him.

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I'm a bit confused here. Are you saying you've been going through his phone, pretending to be him while texting her?

 

This all sounds kind of messy and dramatic, shady on all sides, less like a relationship than a game, you know?

Yes I was pretending to be him. He basically gave me his phone to "see he has nothing to hide" I'm not really that type of person that HAS to have your phone to check it
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Break up. He clearly lies and most likely cheated.

You're going through his phone so there's no trust either. U deserve much more than this.

He basically gave me his phone to "see he has nothing to hide" I'm not really that type of person that HAS to have your phone to check it. He's extremely sweet and treats me amazing but this that just happened is like a 360 turn
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The worse thing you can do is not be true to yourself, who you are and what you want and replace that in order to be "the cool gf" and stay in step with the crowd. Hopefully you are more mature than allowing peer pressure to guide you and not so desperate that you'll do anything and put up with anything just to hang on to someone.

We are exclusive, he says it just bc he wants to try it but he's told me he's more than okay with me. But I totally understand what you're saying, maybe I should ask him if he only wants to experience it or if it's more of a lifestyle. I don't know if that is the best way to put it hehe
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We are exclusive, he says it just bc he wants to try it but he's told me he's more than okay with me. But I totally understand what you're saying, maybe I should ask him if he only wants to experience it or if it's more of a lifestyle. I don't know if that is the best way to put it hehe

 

That's not really the point, though.

 

The point is that he lies to you about important things and cannot be trusted. When you need to resort to pretending to be your boyfriend to message other girls, the relationship is as good as over.

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As a guy, I can tell you he is using you. You might be thinking he is not but he is. #1. You don't have his respect. Your words lack conviction and if he continually cheats/lies to you then he really doesn't respect you. #2. He doesn't care for your feelings: He cheats on you. And he doesn't care how it affects you or hurts you. He figures that all he has to do is pretend to cry, or promises, or say Ive changed and youll take him back. It doesn't matter if you cried or were hurt. He got what he wanted and as long as you don't look at another guy, he is good. #3. He will continue to do this. Since he doesn't care for your feelings, or respect your word or convictions, the cycle will continue. He is going to be good for a little bit, showing you how he changed, but don't worry, its just a matter of time before he finds someone else. #4... He doesn't see you as a long term GF: Why on Earth would someone who professes their love be constantly sabotaging a relationship? I am willing to bet he really wants to see how far to push you before you stand up for yourself.

 

This guy is out for one thing, Himself. He doesn't care how you feel, respect you, want you and what you are is his blanket. You are the one person who will not hurt him, be there for him and the one person he can call 24/7 and you will always answer. The relationship is a One-Way street. Make me happy first and Ill make you happy second. Understand that he needs you more than you need him. Im going to suspect that he cant dump you because you have something physically he loves or the sex is just great or you have money and buy him things. You are not a second choice. Don't make someone your priority when they are not willing to make you theirs. You are a great person and deserve more and more importantly, deserve to be happy.

If you stay in this relationship, you are going to shed more tears.

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We are exclusive, he says it just bc he wants to try it but he's told me he's more than okay with me. But I totally understand what you're saying, maybe I should ask him if he only wants to experience it or if it's more of a lifestyle. I don't know if that is the best way to put it hehe

 

Don't settle for that. He has shown you with his actions that he is not a trustworthy bf. Why would you settle for this?

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Bf caught in lie but always cries for forgiveness

 

And by the same token, he has nothing to fear because it always works. In short, we teach people how to treat us, therefore he's taking full advantage of your generosity (for lack of a better term).

 

You may very well see this in a different light if you simply raise your standards.

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