Attracted to guy I've only seen in passing. Wondering if he feels the same?

Hi Guys,

I can't believe I'm even posting about this now, but what the hey. Can't hurt to get a few opinions on this; although I have a feeling I know what most of you, most likely, will say. :)

So, when I moved to a large city 2.5 years ago, I'd walk the same route to work. At the end of my street is a cafe with an outdoor patio. After some time, I noticed this super attractive guy sitting outside on the patio, or walking into the cafe during the cooler months. He was either with his adorable dog, or an older gentleman, who, if I had to hazard a guess, is his father.

After a while, I began to notice him staring and watching as I'd walk by when he was sitting outside - to the point where I felt a little uncomfortable. I'd wonder if I was seeing things at first, so I paid attention more (he couldn't see me looking because I had sunglasses on). I was still getting this strong vibe from him, as if there was an unspoken attraction (because I was beginning to really take notice of him too!). Does this sound nuts?

Anyway, this would happen practically daily when the weather was nice and he was sitting outside, even when he was with this other gentleman, or when in the company of others. He would just stop talking and stare. And I'm thinking again, I must be imagining things! Why do I feel this way? There was even one day where he sat on the edge of the patio, beside the sidewalk where I would walk by, and when I looked up along the sidewalk from a distance, I could see him leaning to the side, facing me and smiling (but I don't know if he realized that he was doing this!). I remember feeling a bit giddy and blushing because I'm thinking, oh crap, I have to walk by this? Uh oh. I didn't feel this way because I didn't want to see him, I felt this way because I was nervous and did want to see him!

So, once the weather cooled off, I wasn't seeing him as much. I'm thinking maybe he's a university prof, maybe? And has certain months off during the year. Who knows.

And once my work arrangements changed, I just stopped seeing him altogether, which was disappointing.

However, within the last month or so, I've bumped into him twice mid-day. One day a couple of weeks ago, I was walking back from the dentist and when I looked up (with my shades on), he was crossing with a huge crowd of people. He had this look of surprise on his face when he looked up and once again, staring ensued. Heck, I was looking too because I was surprised (but happy) to see him.

And then today, I was heading home from an appointment and picking up groceries and low and behold, across the street from the cafe, there he was! His back was initially to me and he was with his dog talking to a group of people. I was super surprised to see him! There's a construction site close to this area and there was a big truck backing into the site, so we all had to stop on both sides of the street to let the truck pass before proceeding along the sidewalk. He turned around and once again, looked taken aback because, as I was surprised to see him, I think he MAYBE felt the same. He kinda looks like he wants to say something too sometimes, but can't get the words out.

I know this may sound nutty, but I always feel like I'm being pulled-in by this guy, as if we really want to talk to each other, but it never happens. We just seem to stare at each other.

I still think I could be making this all up in my mind, but then when I see him again, I feel the same way! Like a moth to a flame! And I can't explain it.

Have any of you ever felt this way?

Do I sound nuts here or do you think there's an attraction?

I want to say something to him, but because I'm doubting what I'm thinking and feeling, and wondering if I'm imagining things, I don't know if I should.

What do you guys think? Should I say anything (if I ever see him again) and if so, what should I say?

I'm thinking we live along the same street, too, so here's hoping I do see him again.

Thank you all for your input. I always appreciate the time and effort you all take to provide your feedback and insight!

I rarely ever feel this way with people I meet and go out on dates with, never mind complete strangers, which is what makes this so, well...strange.

p.s. I'm really hoping I don't sound nuts here, so if any of you can relate, feel free to share your stories. Lol. Thanks!

*Edit* - Don't hold back. If you think this sounds nutty, just say so. I can handle it! :)

Well, it definitely sounds like you are attracted to him. As for why he is staring.... he could be attracted to you. Or he could be from another culture where staring isn't as meaningful as it is where you are. Or he could be a little socially inept.

Why don't you say "Hi?" What's the worst that can happen?

Well, it definitely sounds like you are attracted to him. As for why he is staring.... he could be attracted to you. Or he could be from another culture where staring isn't as meaningful as it is where you are. Or he could be a little socially inept.

 

Why don't you say "Hi?" What's the worst that can happen?

Thanks for the reply, Jibralta!

I know what you mean. It's so hard to describe all of this on ENA, as I think most of us probably feel when we post on here. But it's so much more than the staring. It's the facial expressions, body language...

Normally I'm completely oblivious when it comes to men showing interest/being attracted, to the point where I need to be bopped over the head and told blatantly that there's interest on their part. I can be super clueless about this stuff!

I can pick up on flirtatiousness between other people, and I can tell when a man is hitting on someone else...just not when it comes to me . I question if the interest is there, but I normally conclude that they're just being nice/friendly. Completely oblivious!

I don't know...I'm just picking up on a vibe here that I can't shake.

I might try smiling and/or saying hi the next time I see him. If I scare him, so be it. Lol.

Just wave :)

Is this the same guy from your post of a little over a year ago?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=538763

Just wave :)

I just might! :)

Is this the same guy from your post of a little over a year ago?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=538763

Yes, same guy!

Haven't stepped up to the plate and did anything because I haven't really seen him, until recently.

Thought I'd post since I saw him again today, and now that I have a working computer, I can most more details on the encounter/s, rather than just on my phone. So much easier!

LOL...I was so hoping I was going to read pages and pages of this ensuing budding romance. Felt like a beginning of a movie...or a romance novel. I'm all in! Hoping everyone gives you a green light on saying Hello.

After all....Johnny Carson...if you're old enough to remember him...he met his wife on the beach in front of his house. She knew where he lived, so walked the beach every morning with a cup of coffee, hoping to meet him. And she did. And they married. Were together til he died....

I'd start by smiling at him and acknowledging him. For a bit. Then if he doesn't take the initiative, and you're at the café, grab two coffees and say....Do you mind if I join you?

Or go up and say...wow...cute dog.

This all sounds so romantic...I'm dying inside! Fun to have a romance, even if it's just inside your head!!!!! lol

LOL...I was so hoping I was going to read pages and pages of this ensuing budding romance. Felt like a beginning of a movie...or a romance novel. I'm all in! Hoping everyone gives you a green light on saying Hello.

 

After all....Johnny Carson...if you're old enough to remember him...he met his wife on the beach in front of his house. She knew where he lived, so walked the beach every morning with a cup of coffee, hoping to meet him. And she did. And they married. Were together til he died....

 

I'd start by smiling at him and acknowledging him. For a bit. Then if he doesn't take the initiative, and you're at the café, grab two coffees and say....Do you mind if I join you?

Or go up and say...wow...cute dog.

 

This all sounds so romantic...I'm dying inside! Fun to have a romance, even if it's just inside your head!!!!! lol

Thank you, Realitynut! Your reply made me laugh.

Sorry to disappoint. No budding romance at the moment. Just a girl wondering if she's imagining things and if she should make a move. Lol.

I was a bit reluctant to post on here because I know it's one of those situations where I either have to step up to the plate and say something, or let it slide.

Or maybe I just posted here for the encouragement to go for it because that's what I need to make a move. I'm not sure. I know posting on here usually helps me vent and think things through, too.

When I've seen him over the last few weeks, it kind of reignited this feeling I had when I first noticed him. And after seeing him today, he's definitely been off and on my mind; it's as if he's back on my radar and I feel like I could be letting an opportunity slip away.

I can't quite explain the feeling. Can't help but feel giddy when I see him, but also keeping in mind that I have no idea who this person is or what kind of person they are.

It just doesn't happen often, so I would really like to embrace it and act on it.

I remember a year ago I was hoping to approach him and compliment his dog (because I tend to compliment people on their pets all of the time. I don't have any cute fur babies, so have to live variously through others. Lol), but whenever I saw him, he had company, or I just didn't see him at all.

I should note that I don’t see him at the cafe anymore. Since my work arrangements changed significantly, I don’t take that route to work anymore. So I’m just seeing him in passing, on the street. Although, I could always try on a day off to travel in that direction and see what I find.

When I saw him about 2-3 weeks ago, he was by himself. Today he was with his dog.

I realize the only thing I can do here is make a move, whether it be smiling and saying hello, or petting and complimenting his dog. So yeah, know what I need to do, it’s just easier said than done; especially when I don’t really see him consistently anymore and he catches me off guard.

Can’t be wearing sunglasses either (cause I usually am); otherwise it’ll throw everything off. Need eye contact in this kinda scenario.

Just have to be prepared for that surprise moment when he pops up again.

Fingers crossed it happens tomorrow though! I’m feeling prepared and in the zone. Lol

Appreciate the input guys, as per usual.

The next time you see him at the cafe, go in. Or, if he is with the dog, go up and say hello to the pooch. Dogs are a great ice breaker.

God, just talk to him and get his number, and you'll either end your infatuation or start a new relationship. You've both had plenty of opportunities and you've blown them all. Of course, maybe he's got a girlfriend, or maybe not. Talk to him and find out so you can stop all these lingering looks.

The next time you see him at the cafe, go in. Or, if he is with the dog, go up and say hello to the pooch. Dogs are a great ice breaker.

Thanks, holly!

I’m definitely going to try when I see him next time.

Thanks, holly!

 

I’m definitely going to try when I see him next time.

Good for you!

Yes to all the people saying say something to the dude! Right now you're telling yourself stories, building a little novel in your head, making him into a character. And, hey, that can be fun...for a while. But even more fun? Seeing if there's something there.

A million years ago I had something like this on a block I lived on. Eventually we said hi. That "hi" led to a very fun, very hot summer romance. Short lived—but, hey, that's life. You gotta live it to see what it's all about, you know?

God, just talk to him and get his number, and you'll either end your infatuation or start a new relationship. You've both had plenty of opportunities and you've blown them all. Of course, maybe he's got a girlfriend, or maybe not. Talk to him and find out so you can stop all these lingering looks.

Lol. Thanks, DanZee! I’m sensing frustration in your response. Lol!

I get it though, completely. I’m frustrated with myself because I really want to.

I’m going to try and strike up a convo when I next see him.

Yes to all the people saying say something to the dude! Right now you're telling yourself stories, building a little novel in your head, making him into a character. And, hey, that can be fun...for a while. But even more fun? Seeing if there's something there.

 

A million years ago I had something like this on a block I lived on. Eventually we said hi. That "hi" led to a very fun, very hot summer romance. Short lived—but, hey, that's life. You gotta live it to see what it's all about, you know?

Thanks, bluecastle!

I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement.

What's interesting is that this guy is a complete mystery. I know I'm attracted, but have no idea if he's nice, kind, down-to-earth, or if he's aloof, cray-cray or a womanizer. At least if it were someone at work (thank gawd it isn't), or school, I could get a better sense of who he is as a person based on how he treats others, etc. But I have nothing to work with here. My little novel is only based on the little encounters we've had (based on my own interpretation) on my way to work, but that's about it. :)

I'm hoping we'll actually speak to each other sometime soon. Would really like to know more. I'm really tired of the 'what if' and the unknowns at this point.

You're right. Gotta live it. Heck knows I want to!

A few possibilities that you should consider before thinking this is a love connection,

1.) He is already married or in a relationship.

2.) He isn't surprised in a pleasant way when he see's you but rather more in a stalking way. "What?! this woman again? Is someone messing with me?!"

3.) He could also be gay.

If I were you, instead of going into the fantasy of this being some type of love story, I would slow down and see it as a stranger that might not be any kind of compatible with me.

( I err on the side of logic and caution).

A few possibilities that you should consider before thinking this is a love connection,

 

1.) He is already married or in a relationship.

 

2.) He isn't surprised in a pleasant way when he see's you but rather more in a stalking way. "What?! this woman again? Is someone messing with me?!"

 

3.) He could also be gay.

 

If I were you, instead of going into the fantasy of this being some type of love story, I would slow down and see it as a stranger that might not be any kind of compatible with me.

( I err on the side of logic and caution).

Thanks, SherrySher. I appreciate all input.

FWIW, I haven’t lost my marbles. Lol. I consider myself to be a pretty logical and down-to-earth person. My head isn’t so far in the clouds that I’ve lost sight of this guy being a stranger. Like I mentioned in a couple of posts in this thread, I acknowledged that I don’t know anything about him, and that he could be crazy for all I know, but I still want to explore whatever this could possibly be, if anything at all. :)

And I could accuse him of being the stalker as much as he can me! Lol. But clearly I’m not. No normal dude who’s afraid of a woman stalking him is going to return to the same cafe for numerous months each day and sit outside on the patio. Unless of course he is crazy. And we live in the same area of the city, I suspect, so running into each other twice in the last few weeks isn’t that odd.

That said, I don’t really have high hopes right now, but I am intrigued. He could be a jerk for all I know! But let’s face it, I’m trying to be positive here. :)

It’s just one of those feelings that doesn’t come along very often, so I want to explore it further. See if anything’s there.

Yes, I totally understand that. I am just being the voice of reason without meaning any kind of offense.

All you really can do is go up and try to talk with him, but just be cautious as well.

Yes, I totally understand that. I am just being the voice of reason without meaning any kind of offense.

 

All you really can do is go up and try to talk with him, but just be cautious as well.

Oh no, I didn’t take offense at all!

I like to hear all feedback, whether it be good or bad.

But the stalker comment made me giggle though; mainly because I’m so not that person! Lol.

Plus, this situation is pretty unique for me, which is probably one of the reasons why I came here as well. Since I consider myself to be pretty logical, it’s weird for me to even feel something like this or even bring something like this up, you know?

And I honestly question whether or not I would have noticed him if things didn’t play out the way they did. I really don’t think I would have noticed him otherwise.

Anyway, now I’m just rambling....lol

For all I know, he was sending me clear signals, and I just didn’t pick up or react, since like I mentioned to Jibralta earlier in the thread, I can be super clueless about this stuff.

Or, on the other hand, there’s nothing there at all, which is fine! :)

I remember once there was a guy who lived near me. And same scenario, he had a dog and I would see him out quite often.

This went on for months.

He always smiled when I seen him and he seemed nice.

I decided to do what others are saying, try and talk to him, fuss his dog as a way to start a conversation.

So I seen him, and I bent down to his dog, gave the dog some cuddles and said..."You have such a sweet dog"..he smiled and said.."thank you"....then a long awkward silence.

I didn't want to seem weird and say..."Can I have your phone number?" I would have sounded desperate or possibly weird.

He seemed red faced and awkward and didn't say anything either.

So finally I started walking away and said..."Okay, well hope you have a good day"...he said..."Yeah, thanks".

And every time after that it was the same...a hi and awkwardness.

I finally left it and went on to date someone else and forgot all about that guy.

I'll never know if he was interested and really shy or the other options I outlined.

But I will say...it is so not easy to start a conversation with a stranger on the street.

Crossing fingers it's easier for you if you give it a go but it can be uncomfortable.

I remember once there was a guy who lived near me. And same scenario, he had a dog and I would see him out quite often.

This went on for months.

He always smiled when I seen him and he seemed nice.

 

I decided to do what others are saying, try and talk to him, fuss his dog as a way to start a conversation.

 

So I seen him, and I bent down to his dog, gave the dog some cuddles and said..."You have such a sweet dog"..he smiled and said.."thank you"....then a long awkward silence.

I didn't want to seem weird and say..."Can I have your phone number?" I would have sounded desperate or possibly weird.

He seemed red faced and awkward and didn't say anything either.

So finally I started walking away and said..."Okay, well hope you have a good day"...he said..."Yeah, thanks".

 

And every time after that it was the same...a hi and awkwardness.

I finally left it and went on to date someone else and forgot all about that guy.

 

I'll never know if he was interested and really shy or the other options I outlined.

 

But I will say...it is so not easy to start a conversation with a stranger on the street.

Crossing fingers it's easier for you if you give it a go but it can be uncomfortable.

I agree! It’s not easy. That’s why I haven’t said anything to date. Maybe he feels the same? Or maybe he doesn’t care at all and has no interest in speaking. That’s okay.

I commend you for speaking up and talking to that guy though. It can be super awkward and uncomfortable. It takes a lot of guts!

To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it, but I will try.

But can I say...if I’m wrong about this, man my picker’s off, and it needs some fine tuning! Lol.

After all this back-and-forth with all of you helpful ENA folk, I wonder now if i’ll ever run into him again. :)

That's about all you can do realistically in this situation, if and when you do see him again, fuss his dog in order to say hello and see how it goes..who knows, it might be much better than my scenario.

Or if there's no dog, just smile and say 'hello'. At least then you've tried.

Good luck!