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Thread: Short Interaction with the Ex

  1. #1
    Silver Member Slagar's Avatar
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    Short Interaction with the Ex

    So, very short relationship, big spark. I really like the girl. She friend-zoned me after two absolutely awful dates - I am in the very late stages of recovering from PTSD; I hadn't dated for years/had been very isolated; so I became extremely clingy and I just wasn't ready.

    After being friend-zoned, we talked a bit over two days. She was punishing me quite badly by that point (a reaction to my clingyness/weakness). After things simmered a little, we SMS'd a bit, and she asked me if I loved her, and I told her she was just a friend. She was happy that I was accepting her as a friend. (clearly, she needed more space from my clingyness).

    I went into no contact.

    She SMS'd at one point, asking about something related to our relationship - a promise - but I didn't answer.

    Four days ago, I SMS'd her asking her how she was, and for her to send me her facebook details. She said "I'm hugged for you" and said she didn't have Facebook. (I assumed she felt sympathy for my anxiety)

    This evening I SMS'd saying hello.

    Immediately after I sent, she tried to video call me. I didn't answer. She SMS'd saying, "I want to look at you. I'm the only one in this room :'("

    Then she SMS'd something I don't understand. She doesn't speak English well, and sometimes uses a translator. The SMS said, I "had promised her whether [cute name] [her name] deserved?"

    I SMS'd saying that I would talk to her later, that I had to call a friend now.

    ----

    I don't understand the "promised" SMS. Whether she is deserved? That I had promised to give her what she deserved?... I don't understand. She dumped me. She didn't want *me* in *her* life. And the fact she used a cute name...

    I think she misses me. I am still hurting a lot over being rejected by her - enough that I don't want to be near her right now. Enough that it's hard for me to SMS her - in small part because I don't want to make things worse, but mainly because it hurts so much.

    I am actively caring for myself daily now, and doing MUCH better in maintaining my strength in the face of the remaining trauma/anxiety - I can actually be around people now without becoming a vulnerable, needy mess - she's never even seen that. I care about myself enough now, that I'm not too worried about messing it up with her.

    But evenso, I don't think I can be the guy that she wants - Even if I can keep relatively cool around her - ie. not become a clingy mess for her - I still have too much tension in my body. I still haven't recovered enough to make dating work well for me. I am taking my focus off her and onto the rest of my life, mainly focusing on healing, but also trying to think about creating opportunities with other girls etc. But still... if I could make it work, I would try...

    I need to let it simmer for a bit before contacting her again, to give me time to think. What do I even say? I've told her that she's just a friend. I'm not ready for a relationship right now? I really like this girl...

  2. #2
    Silver Member Slagar's Avatar
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    She just SMS'd me saying she was going to another city for 7 hours to a hospital, and wanted me to accompany her. I told her I have plans tomorrow, that I hope it goes well. "Another day maybe".

    I'm not going to drop everything (did I just find my boundaries? Hah). And it would be far too long - I'm not going to have a drawn out, chemistry-less day with her - WE KNOW HOW THAT GOES, DON'T WE MHMMM...

  3. #3
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    Huh you had two dates...? How is that a relationship . And also why is she talking about love.


    Crazy much.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Slagar's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Huh you had two dates...? How is that a relationship . And also why is she talking about love.


    Crazy much.
    Oh, I guess it was more than two "dates" in total - we had some much better interactions beforehand, including a VERY long bus trip. We talked a LOT. There was a very bright spark/connection.

    Edit: I also think that our circumstances are a bit isolating for both of us - we're not living the typical lives you might expect at our age - there are significant barriers in our lives compared with most westerners.

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  6. #5
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    It was still two dates ... You're making it out to be way more when it was barely anything?


    You barely started to go out, she wasn't an ex lol.

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    Hmm. I think you need to continue to recover from your PTSD and she needs to recover from whatever her problem is. Is this a Kiwi-Asian type of romance? The cultural gap might be too much and communicating over texting, especially with someone who needs to use a translator, can result in a lot of miscommunication. I think there may be too many impediments in this relationship to continue. I don't think you need to communicate with her. Each contact just keep hurting both of you more.

  8. #7
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    Cut off communication with her, as it seems to be causing you a lot of heartache. Your first task, as you already know, is to carry on your healing from PTSD and not get distracted by dating. You need to be turning your energies on yourself for the foreseeable future. Right now, being involved with someone like this is doing you no good at all.


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