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Thread: Was I the rebound guy?

  1. #1
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    Was I the rebound guy?

    Some quick backstory - I recently started dating a girl that I previously knew casually through a mutual friend of ours. Said mutual friend has been wanting to get us together for some time now, but the timing was never right since we were never both available at the same time. We first started talking about 6-7months ago when I was fresh out of a long term relationship - but not being ready to seriously date yet and not wanting her to just be a rebound, I didnít pursue.

    While I worked on getting my self back into a good place she got into a relationship herself, that ended very badly. She reached out to me and we started to date. I didnít know the circumstances of her breakup or the exact timeline until just recently, but our first date was only a week or 2 after the end of her previous relationship.

    Over the course of a month we went out a few times, and things were really going great. I met her family, she met mine and we were having a lot of fun together. Then last week she tells me that despite all of this, she wasnít ready to date yet because she hasnít given herself time to heal from the breakup, even though she badly wanted to be. Totally understandable, it wasnít too long ago that I was in the exact same place so I knew where she was coming from.

    What I canít figure out is if I was the rebound or did she not want me to become the rebound? Iím not going to chase her, and Iím not going to put my life on hold and wait for her, but is there any chance of resuming what we had if our paths connect down the road? Or have I been relegated to being the rebound guy and thatís it?

  2. #2
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    You were a rebound. And yes, there is a possibility.

    I suggest you do NC, and not try to be her friend. If she wants to date, she can reach out.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Yeah, there's totally a possibility. Just bad timing at the momentóso respect that truth.

    You do you, she does her, and maybe you connect at a better moment. There are clearly feelings on both sides, but also complications. You don't want to be a tool to help her process those, and good on her for having the awareness to let you know her truth. It's not the ideal, but it's the thing to respect right now.

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    If you ever want a chance, don't get in her friendzone. Go away. If she wants you , she'll be back.

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  6. #5
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    ^^And if she doesn't, that's okay too. You've learned a valuable lesson and you're also not going to make the mistake of allowing yourself to be in this situation again.

    One of the things I've learned in dating is to find a way to find out when the last relationship was. By reading non-verbal behavior, you can get a feel for whether or not it was a bad break, if it is still something that bothers them and to get a feel for whether or not to see this person again. I distinctly remember a girl (second date?) who gave two different answers about when her last relationship ended and then gushed about how painful the breakup was. I felt bad for her and admittedly, I was also looking for a rebound at the time. (I wish I'd waited 6-12 months before dating again)

    Decision: I didn't call her again. I bumped into her somewhere and it sounded like she found someone else to rebound with. I have no idea if she's still with that person but having been a rebound once before, it was worth walking away from.

  7. #6
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    Definitely not gonna let myself fall into the friend zone, I know enough to not let that happen. Or at least not do anything to make it more likely to happen. Having never been the rebound guy (to my knowledge anyway), I just wasnít sure if this was an inescapable situation along the lines of being friend zoned, which is why I asked here.

    Iím gonna put some distance between us, give her the space to figure her stuff out and go on living my life. Maybe we can reconnect down the road, maybe not. But we got along so well that itís just one of those situations that Iíd like another crack at under different circumstances.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Thatís the perfect attitudeóstaying open to what you want, creating the right boundary to find it, and accepting and respecting where she is right now, which just isnít quite where you are.

    Sad, I know, but it really is amazing what time does.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Thatís the perfect attitudeóstaying open to what you want, creating the right boundary to find it, and accepting and respecting where she is right now, which just isnít quite where you are.

    Sad, I know, but it really is amazing what time does.
    Oh for sure. Iím especially sympathetic to her situation since I just recently went through the same thing. Just bad timing I guess.

  10. #9
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    Well that didnít take long...only been a few days and sheís already reached out with what I can only assume are some breadcrumbs with a text about a tv show weíd been talking about last week.

    Do I just keep it friendly but short? How do I avoid falling into the friend zone here? I thought it would be a while before I heard from her, if at all.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yeah, this tv show text is friendzone territory, don't reply. If you do you'll move from friendzone to male-girlfriend which is even worse. Ignore nonsense texts. In fact maybe it's time to block.
    Originally Posted by Mth185
    How do I avoid falling into the friend zone here?

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