Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: I dont know what to do about my marriage..

  1. #1

    I dont know what to do about my marriage..

    Hi..so I'm 23 years old female who graduated college in decemeber and im married to my wife whos 25 and joined the military in april and we have been married since march.
    Shes got orders to go to Kentucky for her duty station and i have agreed to come with. But my mom whos 60 years old with rheumatoid arthritis is moving to an adult community 55+ that i found for her in new jersey (im from new york) around the same time we are moving. I want to help my mom pack and move her stuff because well shes old. And i want to make sure she is okay. I also need to help her set up to get a car for when she moves to new jersey. I showed my wife pictures of the house and i was excited for my mom. Its 2 bed one bath back yard front yard etc and one of the rooms are going to be for me or anyone that visits.

    My wife said that i was acting like a ing child whos more excited about having a room at her moms house than to live with her spouse and im not even going to be there until she deployed to iraq next September. And then i said...uhm excuse me im allowed to visit my mom anytime i wish what are you talking about next September. You are saying i cant visit my mom until you leave NEXT year? And then she said sorry and that she got jealous.
    I asked her how will housing work for me when she deployes to iraq for 9 months? And she said that i can move in with my mom and i told her that i want to stay in Kentucky because im turning one of the rooms into an office for i work remotely for a video game company and I've started up a 3D printing jewelry business on the side. She said okay but my mom isnt allowed to visit her house...my mom and my wife or rather my wife got into a fight with my mom. I live in a very crass african american humour household.

    My whole family kinda has a big mouth and all filled with the sterotypes. My wife is white and comes from a very religious kinda strict but close family. My mom said to my wife Courtney hey it looks like ur getting alittle fat! And Courtney said nah its the jacket and then my mom said to me it looks like ur getting a little fat too and im like HELL YEAH DAT ASS FAT :) its just the way we joke around. Courtney took serious offense but my mom apologized to her. She was still angry. That and my mom can get very loud and mouthy and Courtney doesnt want my mom near her family. And she made me choose between her or my mom before we got married calling my mom a psycho and then started calling me names...she speaks so negatively about my mom and it bothers me. My mom talks so positively about Courtney even tho shes herd me and my wife argue alot and knows what courtney has put me through.

    My wife speaks negatively of almost all of my friends. Ive stoped talking to my bff of 12 years because my wife..hit me a couple of years ago and my bff Emily called her out in fb messenger and Courtney didnt like it. When i didnt have a job i was stuck i didnt know if i should have gotten a job because Courtney said the fact that i put my personal goals before her makes me a bad wife and im horrible and a and etc because i wanted to stay in nyc while she was in the army. I stayed unemployed and got really depressed. I found a job that will let me be remote now so thats great and i have a jewelry side business. I told my wife that i wanted to go back to new york once a month or once every 2 months to sell stuff at brooklyn's artist and fleas and she got mad at me because "why do you always have to go to new york again you put your friends and your mom and your personal goals over me" and im like...but ill be living with you i just wanna go back to new york to sell stuff and not waste my time at small festivals because my audience is geared towards...hip stuff. The general millineal i guess. Brooklyn is great for that and nyc is great for fashion in general. And its really cheap..250 for a table for one weekend. She said that im a and if i wanna live in new york so bad then to divorce her and give her back all the money she spent on me to get my business rolling... I also have to go to meetings every couple of months because my other job at Empower Games as a 3D artist i have to attend in oerson meetings from time to time and she hates that i work with all men but i cant help that...its the field :(

    Like what am i to do? Everything i do displeases her and is it bad i wanna be there for my mom when she moves too? Shes old and needs help. My wife is able-bodied. What am i doing wrong?

    My wife also gets mad at trival stuff like facebook posts. I posted a wholesome meme once a picture of a cartoon guy saying what i want is to make money doing what i love and support my family
    She got pissed off because it was a guy saying the quote and that its gross and i act like a ing man. Its a facebook post...why are you gettibg mad at a wholesome meme? And i posted memes about male bisexuality and how males also can have domestic abuse relationships and she got mad and said why do i care about men so ing much since i care so much about them to go marry one...

    What am i to do...? Like i just dont understand. She constantly says idk how to be in a marriage or relationship and that idk how to leave the past in the past like my friends and mom and etc. And then shes always threatening to divorce me. I'm trying my absolute best to make her happy but what about me? I love my mom even tho shes difficult sometimes and i love my friends. I love both my work andni love my wife why does everything always need to be prioritized? I'm sorry for the very long post i just dont known what to do.
    Last edited by lolmarielol; 10-15-2018 at 01:02 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Somewhere Out There
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,521
    Gender
    Female
    Hi you may want to put your post in paragraphs so itís easier to read and that way more people can respond to you. :-)

  3. #3
    Good idea! I have made them into paragraphs!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    1,742
    The two of you do not sound very mature to me.

    Excusing poor behavior because that's just how we are ignores that it is offending your wife.

    Your wife's anxiety about you and where you live is based on separation during deployment.

    Focusing more on the two of you instead of others would help.

    BTW, if your mom was an issue for worry then you would not be in Kentucky without her. Working remote? You could be in Kathmandu as easily as Kentucky with the right internet access.

  5.  

  6. #5
    I love my wife but my wife calling me names and constantly threatening to divorce and or leave me when i try my very to make her happy and even stoped talking to my bff of 12 years for her even though shes hit and bullied me in the past, isnt okay. If i can ignore and forgive my wife for all of the horrible things shes done to me, she can forgive my mom for making a distasteful joke.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,244
    Gender
    Female
    Look, I'm sorry to sound blunt as it's not my business, but honestly I think you are better off without your wife. I mean, all her other bad behaviour aside, she HIT you. Isn't that all you need to know that she is abusive? A predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, so she may very well hit you again. I think she acts like an abuser because she tries to isolate you from all your friends and family and she puts you down. Honestly this whole situation does not sound good at all.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    17,223
    This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. The hitting should have been the end.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    1,742
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. The hitting should have been the end.
    Agree. I didn't realize it had gone in this direction.

  10. #9
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Buffalo, NY
    Age
    40
    Posts
    444
    Gender
    Male
    OP - First of all you may want an admin to the remove the name of the gaming company you work for as it reveals your identity. Second, your relationship sounds like my step daughter's relationship with her girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, girlfriend...it changes on a week to week basis). All they do is fight. There is a lot of insecurity and jealousy driving their behaviors but they have no interest in changing anything. Its odd. When you end up in a situation where one person is purposely doing/saying things to elicit a reaction...even if it is a bad reaction...that unhealthy.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,453
    Gender
    Male
    Read up on domestic violence in the LGBT community. What it is, what it looks like, what the red flags are, etc. Your wife sounds like a bully, at best. Domestic violence is not just some grizzly guy in a wifebeater shirt giving his cowering wife a black eye. It's a lot more involved than that. Do your research, get support.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •