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Thread: Am I being unreasonable?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Perhaps a middle path here it's agreed she will not raise him with anti religious sentiment and you will not raise him on a religious path?

    If he is raised with love and tolerance, he'll be miles ahead and will be able to objectively choose his own beliefs as he grows up.
    If I donít raise him on religious path he will be at odds with his brother . And while my mother wonít give him any non-religious sentiment I canít guarantee my stepfather or my brother . Because they wonít make that agreement with me . Both are very vocal anti-religion . In fact my stepdad used to make fun of us until I told him to stop it because it was painful to our feelings . And my brother is so anti-religious he foams at the mouth when itís brought up .

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    How does it work (I don't know, not Catholic) if he doesn't go to a catholic school and comes to you as a teenager, let's say. Since you came to it as an adult (I get that you were baptized so I take it that as an adult was when you started believing/practicing) then can't you sort of make up for lost time and get him involved then? Maybe it doesn't work that way, just trying to find a middle ground. Also if he doesn't go to Catholic does that mean he would go to a public school (asking because I assume Catholic involves tuition, etc.).
    Going to Catholic school here is free because they traded in taking any child for getting public funding . That happened the year before my husband started high school . So to go to Catholic school for him would be free except for uniforms which I would pay for. But if he comes to me as a teenager with no religious instruction whatsoever without a doubt most likely he will not want to be religious in any sense . And he will of been talked out of it by many many many people . And our religion is an enormous part of our life . My son is very devout .

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    We go to mass every Sunday. I sing in the church choir . I am in the Catholic womenís league , my husband is in the Knights of Columbus and he serves as a lector and communicant. My son serves as an usher.

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    Not to mention itís going to be difficult to raise a child thatís not been raised by me . I know my mother raised me but I am not her . And my mom is very good person and without a doubt will raise him to be a good person . But she and I have some very different ideas about many things .

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  6. #25
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    Well, since the child is going to be in your parents' care until they pass away, I don't see why you should have any influence over how they're going to raise the child. I think your other fears are just fears and not founded. I don't see how he would be difficult to raise if you don't raise him. And certainly people who aren't raised with religion may actually be hungry for religion when they get older. And if you get him at 5 or 10 years old, I'm sure you can bring him to Mass with you and teach him about the religion. I don't see how even a 12 or a 13 year old is going to be debating your son about his religion. I think you're worrying about nothing and you're causing trouble within the family over nothing. You don't need to be an infant to be indoctrinated into a religion. And people will decide later in life to either stay in it or to move on. So I suggest you wait until the situation presents itself before making a fuss.

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    Is there any chance they will let you adopt him now?

    Somehow I was thinking your mom's health was tenuous, which would make it difficult to run after a toddler.

    Since they will be the legal adoptive parents right now, they get to call the shots. You can certainly request that they send him to a Catholic school, but it is their choice to follow through with that - or not. Maybe if you offer to foot the bill, they will. But it sounds like her soul is wounded and she is blaming the church for that. So I don't think it will happen.

    If it is any consolation, remember that you were brought up non Catholic, and look where you are now. So there is always hope.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, since the child is going to be in your parents' care until they pass away, I don't see why you should have any influence over how they're going to raise the child. I think your other fears are just fears and not founded. I don't see how he would be difficult to raise if you don't raise him. And certainly people who aren't raised with religion may actually be hungry for religion when they get older. And if you get him at 5 or 10 years old, I'm sure you can bring him to Mass with you and teach him about the religion. I don't see how even a 12 or a 13 year old is going to be debating your son about his religion. I think you're worrying about nothing and you're causing trouble within the family over nothing. You don't need to be an infant to be indoctrinated into a religion. And people will decide later in life to either stay in it or to move on. So I suggest you wait until the situation presents itself before making a fuss.
    So how do I be his mom with no influence? I think if she wants me to do this and how it was put to me was , I told CAS youíre doing this. I was not asked. I was TOLD. As the good dutiful daughter that I would tow the line because they do not want him with people that are not family . Sorry kiddo but youíre going to raise another child whether you like it or donít like it . I know your childís an adult and you just got a life but oh well . She didnít even ask if my husband would want to. I was just told this is what I was doing . So if Iím going to knuckle under she has give something too. Iím going to have him a whole hell of a lot longer than sheís going to . Sheís 72 and Iím 51 . And my stepdadís going to be 80.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by luminousone
    Is there any chance they will let you adopt him now?

    Somehow I was thinking your mom's health was tenuous, which would make it difficult to run after a toddler.

    Since they will be the legal adoptive parents right now, they get to call the shots. You can certainly request that they send him to a Catholic school, but it is their choice to follow through with that - or not. Maybe if you offer to foot the bill, they will. But it sounds like her soul is wounded and she is blaming the church for that. So I don't think it will happen.

    If it is any consolation, remember that you were brought up non Catholic, and look where you are now. So there is always hope.
    Yes, she is wounded. No, she would never give him to me now.

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    I do suggest you begin building as close of a relationship with the child as you can, so that when the time comes for you to be his guardian, he will already be close to you. Besides visiting every few months, perhaps you can have him for a week here and there. And take him to church with you - when you visit home, and when he comes to visit you.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by luminousone
    I do suggest you begin building as close of a relationship with the child as you can, so that when the time comes for you to be his guardian, he will already be close to you. Besides visiting every few months, perhaps you can have him for a week here and there. And take him to church with you - when you visit home, and when he comes to visit you.
    Absolutely. I will be asking for him now and again when he is not visiting his birth mother and father .

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