I can't do a single thing right

Well, I am not sure it's the right forum, but anyway.

I just realised that I dropped out of wrong UNI subject 10 days ago and I am not sure if I will be able to fix the mistake. It's all because I am so disorganised and careless. I don't do a single thing right. Lady in the office, when I will go beg for mercy tomorrow, is gonna hang herself when she sees me again.

Think this is the only up? Nope, have some more:

-I should have delivered some insurance proof to university a month ago, I still didn't even get the insurance.

-I am out of shape, I don't do any exercises, drink huge amount of alcohol, eat junk food and smoke pot.

-Because of my carelessness and naiveness I got my laptop stolen a month ago.

-My room is some next level mess. I didn't wash my bedsheets for 1.5 month.

-I didn't even leave my apartment today.

-I have no friends and noone to talk to, I am developing social anxiety. Although, when I go out I tend to act confident.

-Haven't eaten anything proper for a month because of how disorganised I am.

-I am super unsuccessful with girls lately, I can't get any. Seems like they can smell what a mess I am. I am unconfident and believe that everyone is better than me.

-I actually hate what I study, I might just drop out. And it's my last year of master's.

-I go to sleep at 4 a.m. and sleep at least until noon.

-I am just jealous when looking at how good other people's life seems to be.

-I don't do any UNI related work that I should.

-I suffer from depression for almost 10 years. I have never got some serious help regarding it, just got diagnosed.

-I am very hard on myself regarding every mistake I make.

-I don't respond to text messages that people send me, I just say that I will do it later, but I never do it.

-I can't make up my mind about what I want in life.

-I don't take care about stuff. I borrow something and lose it.

-...

Even this post seems disorganised. I know. I can't help myself. That's who I am, I don't think I can change. Lately I am wondering more and more why am I like this? Why do I even continue living, if that's who I am. I have no goals. I can't even gather enough motivation to change my awful habits.

I don't have a single person to talk to about it. I tried to my mother but she doesn't even get what I mean.

What do you think?

It sounds like you’re depressed. Try getting antidepressant medication and a referral to therapist. This is very effective and you’ll soon starting getting your life back together.

Yeah, it's kind of the easy answer but that would definitely explain the lack of motivation. If you get on antidepressants, which can help, understand that they won't fix everything, you still have to work for it. How about just making a couple of small easy goals each day, such as taking a walk and eating three servings of veggies. Pick something that you know you can get done, and just be proud of that. Don't focus on absolutely everything you feel you're behind on, because that is overwhelming. You might be a perfectionist? Maybe you're too afraid of failing to get started? Just ease up on yourself. You made it a few years into a Master's; that's an accomplishment that not everyone can do. FYI lots of people don't end up in careers related to their degrees. I absolutely hated my subject too. Often, future employers just want to see that you finished something and that you have a piece of paper. I was also overweight and antisocial in college. Depressed, sure. Things are very different for me now that I'm 39. I've done 2 half Iron Man races, my work ethic is insane, and I'm very happy with my dating life and friends. I did try antidepressants many years ago; I thought they were helpful and I didn't use them long-term. They can be a good boost in the right direction. Talking with counselors over the years was good for me. Don't be so hard on yourself, just take it day by day with small changes that you want to see.

Universities have a mental health dept. Book an appointment and see if someone can help you. A lot of disorganization can be a sign of depression but also a sign of other things . But try the Mental Health department of your university .

These things all support and reinforce one another: if you don't eat well, you'll feel lethargic, and secretly look down on that aspect of yourself. If you stay up late, and sleep until noon, you won't want to exercise. Of course, depression is a logical result.

The good news is that once you start taking action on ONE aspect, it builds positive motivation and you'll feel like doing other aspects better.

Just focus on really small wins - they will give you pleasure and help build you up and empower you. I would start with cleaning a small section of your room - just a small section; it will make you feel refreshed. Or try getting the washing done, or tidying any dirty dishes, emptying the bin etc. An untidy living area can be disastrous for mental health - because the mess can seem overwhelming: you're not in control.

It's normal to have mixed feelings towards almost any subject area when you've been doing it for years. The grass is always greener - not! Keep going IMHO. A Master's degree is a great credential to have in your pocket. If you complete it, you can always use the degree to get into a related industry, or not at all - many careers just ask for "a relevant qualification" - and a Master's shows you're very capable. I hope you feel better soon.

Sounds like depression. Please seek help through your school.

It sounds like you are fine but in a self-manufactured haze from being drunk and high constantly.

-I am out of shape, I don't do any exercises, drink huge amount of alcohol, eat junk food and smoke pot.

Untreated ADHD can lead to anxiety and depression. Lack of organization, being messy, losing things, not following through, self-medication with drugs and alcohol are all common symptoms of ADHD. The proper medication can make a world of difference. Basically, there are a number of conditions that cause this behavior. However, don’t think for one minute it is because of anything wrong with your character. Talk to a mental health advisor. List every symptom that you noted here. You might even want to read them your post word for word. They will know where to go from there. Good luck!

It's all because I am so disorganised and careless.

I would start by changing this self-fulfilling statement, because it's a mantra of reinforcement. It proclaims that "I AM" rather than "I've been." It asserts permanence rather than observing aspects of behavior and attitudes that you want to change when you are ready to change them.

This doesn't mean you'll need to make any statements of perfection and then live up to those, but rather, you can change the language you use in your own head away from being a harsh and critical judge and into the voice of a kind and inspiring coach who is on your side.

Self talk is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed. Unlike other habits, it's THE foundational habit that will either help you or harm you in changing any other behaviors and attitudes going forward. So consider a 21 day period as 'practice' in catching yourself default to negative statements, and then flip your statements to something more kind and self-supporting, like, "I can do anything I want when I'm ready."

Use your checklist above to target any one thing as a small goal at any given time. The first one I'd consider is that your tuition covers mental health counselling on campus, and you've paid for the service already. So why not use it? You don't need to self-diagnose or have the 'answers' in order to go for an assessment. You just need to be willing to participate and learn the opinion of a therapist along with any options she or he may suggest.

Head high, and write more if it helps.