When Shy People Meet- SOS

This is my first time using an online forum for advice, so please bear with me.

I will try to give as much detail as I can without making my identity/personal information too specific.

I'm on the Varsity Volleyball team with this girl (I'm going to refer to her as "April"). Anyways, April's brother (Let's call him "August") is on the Varsity Soccer team. I go to a private, Christian school- and our school isn't big enough to have it's own sports teams, so our sports teams are composed of student's from my school as well as a neighboring (Also Christian) school. August and April go to the neighboring school, so I only really see them at sporting events or other school events.

I (I'm going to use the pen-name "January") have developed a crush on August, who- like me- is very shy.

My school has a big dance at the end of the year (Formal), but unlike other school events- only students from my school are invited. That means that if I don't invite August to formal, he isn't able to go. I really want to ask him.

August and I don't really know each other, if i'm being honest. I'm really close with April, though. April thinks that August and I would make a good couple.

How should I ask him out? Or at least, how do I get closer to him.

Oh! Also; for Formal, we get these RSVP cards instead of tickets. So I guess I wouldn't have to personally ask him out- I could give him the invitation card. That seems really impersonal though? Help, please.

- January

If you are willing to let yourself be a little hurt by rejection, I would just ask April to ask her brother if he would give you his number. This is going to depend somewhat on how much you trust April to spin it in a casual way. Maybe ask her to spin it in as casual of a way as she can. Text him and try to build up a rapport by hanging out once or twice and bring up the fact that you are looking for someone to go to formal with. If he is interested in you he will probably ask you a few questions about who you want to go with, if he doesn't, you can just ask him if he wants to go with you.

The fact that you are both so young makes me hesitant to give advice as I know that a lot of young guys around his age who are shy would just reject you out of fear (I did this when I was 13). But you are also young enough so that I feel like you don't really have anything to lose. Guys, especially shy guys, love it when a girl has the confidence to make the first move. If he likes you, he will definitely respond to that.

Good luck :)

Thank You! I hate to bother you for another reply, but do you have any ice breakers for conversation? I think I understated just how shy I am! I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.

Maybe you can do something with April and invite August along as well? That will give you a chance to get to know him a bit better and maybe make it easier for you both to break the ice.

Thank You! The Volleyball and Soccer players do a lot of activities together, so I think that might just work!

Saluk has a good idea. How about a double date before the formal? Does the sister have a boyfriend? Or have April ask him if he would be interested in taking you out on a date. There's a couple of ways to do it. I had a girl ask a friend of mine if I wanted to go out on a date. She was much too young, so I told my friend that I was too old for her, and she didn't have to deal with rejection face to face. Or find out if he's on Facebook or Instagram and ask him through there.

It sounds like you need to just practice talking with people. Join an improv group, go to some parties, intentionally start conversations with new people. All of these things probably sound terrifying, but you will get over it I promise. I was pretty shy in high school and I was the least shy in my group of friends. They 100% could not talk to adults or girls. As we all got older, we naturally became more comfortable talking with women and people who intimidated us. You eventually learn that the world is a massive place and nobody really cares if you say something stupid or annoying. I'm sure you know this already but it bears repeating.

In your specific case, you should do your best to answer any questions that he has and to not take anything that happens between the two of you more seriously than you need to. Just try your best to have a conversation with him as if he was a girl friend. Once you get to know him better, you will naturally become more yourself and your true personality will shine through. If there is a lull in the conversation or he stops asking you questions, feel free to ask him about himself! You obviously like this guy so I am sure there are a lot of things you want to know about him. Just asking questions and getting him to do most the talking will make him feel good about himself. If he isn't receptive to talking about himself and doesn't ask any questions then he probably is just as nervous and shy as you are. Try not to let your insecurity get the best of you and ask him if he likes you too soon because this may make him run if he is fearful of the consequences of commitment.

The final and biggest tip that I have for young girls in dating is this - young men are terrified of women. When I was 14 I had no idea what motivated girls, didn't really know how to talk to them, thought that they were all much wiser and more socially savvy than I was. Take advantage of this fear and be respectful of this nervousness that guys have when they are around girls at that age. Honestly this didn't wear off until college where I started to get more comfortable with women and dating in general.

Unless you want to go to the dance by yourself or you have someone else to ask, why not ask this guy directly. He can't invite himself or ask you. It doesn't matter what his sister thinks.

Do not go through his sister, it's creepy. Also do not send and almost anonymous invitation, that's also creepy. Either go alone or be confident and ask him in person...soon. This way if he can't make it or doesn't want to go, you have time to invite someone else if you want a date for this event. Don't over complicate things and learn social skills such as small talk.

How should I ask him out? for Formal, we get these RSVP cards instead of tickets. So I guess I wouldn't have to personally ask him out- I could give him the invitation card.