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Thread: Dating again after breakup

  1. #1
    Member Jenny00's Avatar
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    Dating again after breakup

    In my recent threads I talked about my breakup, it felt impossible to move and I genuinely thought I never would cause we kept in touch. Long story short, we just ended up not being able to work it out and completely cut off contact. But this is not what this thread is about.

    I have since moved out for university, Iím about an hour long flight away from home so we cut off contact after I moved cause there was just no point anymore. Since we cut off contact completely I started to feel good again and free and just enjoying my uni life. And then I met this guy, We met at uni. We talked a few times, heís in his last year which makes him a bit older than me etc. Anyway, after a while he asked me if Iíd like to go out for a drink with him. We ended up meeting up in the town and going to this really nice quiet pub, we had a few drinks and had a genuinely great time. Like he was being super sweet, told me I looked super nice a few times, asked me a lot of questions about me and just tried to get to know me a lot. We had a good laugh, and got along super well. Also Iím quite tall and heís like 6í7 so that was a big plus haha. Anyway, he was just being quite the gentleman. We ended up going to a few more pubs and ended up getting slightly drunk, so I told him Iím gonna walk on home now and he said he will walk me home then since itís late. I agreed, we had a good walk home had a few laughs and he even held my hand, but when we got closer to my house he kissed me really passionately and I think the emotions took the best of us. We ended up going up to mines and having sex. It was really intense and passionate, afterwards we cuddled for a while and talked until he had to go home cause he had work in the morning.

    I didnít expect to see him again because of what happened and because of that I thought heíll just see it as a one time thing but The next morning he texted me saying he had an amazing night and that heíd love to see me again. We agreed that heíd come over in the next few days cause we wanted to watch this tv show together and get some food. He came over on Thursday night after work, we cuddled for a while, watched the tv show and yes we had sex. But after sex he was very passionate, he kept calling me up for cuddles and kept giving me forehead kisses and twiddling with my thumb etc. Just being really affectionate, which I just didnít expect. He asked if he can stay over cause we can just go to uni together in the morning so I agreed. He cuddled into me, grabbed my hand, kissed it and went to sleep. He cuddled me all night long which was another thing I just didnít expect. When we woke up, we got ready etc and walked to uni together, he gave me a kiss when we parted and told me heíll see me soon. He left his toothbrush and a top in my house etc. Apart from that we donít really text as such, only maybe for a little while or to see when weíre free next etc.

    Now Iím not quite sure what to make of the situation. I feel like itís too early to ask him whatís happening, but Iím just slightly confused. Like in my head, having sex on the first date is a big no no for a guy if I want things to go further which is why I didnít expect to see him again and thought he just seen it as a one night stand. but the way heís treating me etc just makes me feel the complete opposite. Do you think he just sees is at a friends with benefits kind of thing? I mean, when we seen eachother we had sex etc but it was more than that. But if it wasnít I feel like things are moving pretty fast with the whole sleeping over etc. I mean the guys super nice, he has a witty sense of humour but heís quite lovely, but I just donít think itís the time to ask him whatís happening between us yet. I feel like Iíve been out of the dating thing for too long, especially since I was in a relationship for basically all my youth, I donít really know what to think or feel so Iíd love to have advice on what to make of the situation thankyou!!!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He is attracted to you, that much is clear but where the relationship is headed isn't so clear. FWB? FB? casual dating without exclusivity? Committed exclusivity?

    You'll just have to see as time goes on. Keep your heart off your sleeve and make sure he wears a condom and you're on BC. Maybe instead of meeting up at his place or him going to yours, next time he wants to meet up with you, steer the date to somewhere outside a bedroom and actually get to know one another without having any sex.

  3. #3
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    I donít think itís friends with anything because you just met. If you want to get to know him as a person Iíd suggest dating in public and no alcohol - see how you two interact during dates or outside activities. Iíd also hold off on sex but itís a bit too late to unring the bell so to speak. So maybe limit the amount of private time and see how it goes. Right now he knows youíre up for casual sex. That doesnít mean he wonít want to be serious with you. It just might make it a harder transition and some direct and maybe awkward conversations about how you enjoy the sex but are looking for something potentially serious. Itís not inconsistent with your behavior but not exactly consistent either. Also talk about getting tested and the pregnancy risk. That is more important than whether you two will become a couple especially if you continue e to choose to have sex with him.

    And sure it sounds like fun too!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Yes, you're in a tough situation now. I guess you didn't expect to like the guy, but now you do and you're all off balance because you dove right in.

    Well, there's no going back. In the future, let this serve as a reminder of why it's better not to succumb to your primal urges lol.

    I think what Batya says here is sound advice. Hopefully, it won't be too tough to follow at this point.

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I donít think itís friends with anything because you just met. If you want to get to know him as a person Iíd suggest dating in public and no alcohol - see how you two interact during dates or outside activities. Iíd also hold off on sex but itís a bit too late to unring the bell so to speak. So maybe limit the amount of private time and see how it goes. Right now he knows youíre up for casual sex. That doesnít mean he wonít want to be serious with you. It just might make it a harder transition and some direct and maybe awkward conversations about how you enjoy the sex but are looking for something potentially serious. Itís not inconsistent with your behavior but not exactly consistent either. Also talk about getting tested and the pregnancy risk. That is more important than whether you two will become a couple especially if you continue e to choose to have sex with him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Ideally, how would you like this to proceed? It sounds like he likes you. You could go with the flow and start getting to know him so as to decide what YOU want. That does require doing stuff outside the bedroom. The more you have sex with him the more you risk getting attached to someone you don't know. Do you like him? Do you want to get to know him? Imo, you need to decide what you want, communicate it to him and act accordingly. Good luck.

  7. 10-16-2018, 09:33 AM


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