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Thread: Long distance and thoughts

  1. #1
    Member Isabelle189's Avatar
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    Long distance and thoughts

    Hey guys, I'm in a long distance relationship with my guy. He's in his early 30s and I'm in my mid 20s. He's 6 years older. We've been together for 2 years. He's a great guy, very caring and respectful. He makes me very happy. We're very serious and are planning to get married. I did a bad thing, I snuck into his phone and found that he had a video of his two neighbors, whom are his friends: two women who are sisters one 33 yo and the other 22 yo, shaking their asses in what looked like a club. It looks like he took the video and was there with them because he sent it to one of the 33 year old. He's never told me about going to the club with them and he's always said he's never cheated. I told him about looking through his phone, he was very upset because he sees this as a form of mistrust. I can't help but think about what happened afterwards or what could've happened. Any advice?? Please and thank you!!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    LDRs are hard and require a lot of blind trust. Going to clubs with friends is not cheating. Taking videos in a club of them shaking it up is tacky but also not cheating. How often do you get to see each other?

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    Oh, come on. They all went to a club one night to dance and he took a video of it. What do you mean what happened afterwards? They had an orgy? Be real.

    And yeah, looking through his phone is a big sign of mistrust. You wouldn't be looking through his phone if you trusted him. Nobody wants their privacy invaded.

    Anyways, stop being jealous of his neighbors. He's with you. Concentrate on that and don't push him away with any mistrust.

  4. #4
    Member Isabelle189's Avatar
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    We see each other at least four to five times a year. We spend about 3-4 weeks together each time we do see each other.

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  6. #5
    Member Isabelle189's Avatar
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    The lack of trust is really affecting me. I just need to relax and let things be.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Yeah, you don't trust him, which is to say you're missing the most important part of what makes a relationship work.

    I would take some time to really consider if you want to be in something long distance, with him or anyone.

    If I was in his shoes, I'd be pretty furious. He went out to a club, had a tacky night. He's a dude, sent some dude stuff to some friends, hardly different than, I don't know, you sitting at bar with a girlfriend and talking about how hot the bartender is.

    But, again, what you found on the phone isn't really relevant. It's that you went through it, which speaks to this being a relationship you don't feel particularly secure in.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    These lack of trust issues have been going on for close to a year, (Jan'18), therefore what steps have you taken to resolve this? Either way, you can't have a healthy marriage without trust.

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    Originally Posted by Isabelle189
    We're very serious and are planning to get married.... Any advice?? Please and thank you!!
    Do you and he have a firm plan about the timing of this marriage, and about closing the distance?

    You might want to live together for a while (not a few months, a year or more) before you get married - the dynamic might be a bit different from the LDR.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long until you move together? That sounds very frustrating. Why is it long distance? Work? School? Did you ever live in the same place?
    Originally Posted by Isabelle189
    We see each other at least four to five times a year.


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