Son's wedding and emotions

I debated just writing this in my journal section but that instead I would put this out there for anyone who has been through this.

My youngest son got married last weekend. It was a destination wedding, 3 and a half days total.

100 guests for a meet and greet on Friday night and 200plus for the wedding. It was all as close to perfect as they come. My son and his now wife having been together for almost 8 years now, are each other’s best friend. I couldn’t be any happier for them.

The entire time was a mad dash from the moment we arrived, until we left to drive home. I pushed through the tears, shed just a few and held back the excitement to get down the task at hand. Add in the alcohol that helped to numb some of the anxiety that comes with your youngest child marrying and being part of a couple large events.

Heading home on Monday I could feel myself start to crash. I am totally caught off guard by the intense grief I am feeling. I have googled things about it and found that it is quite normal, but here it is Friday and I still so raw that I am struggling to get my balance.

I have set time aside to just cry when no one was around. I was so anxious on Tuesday it was grueling. The cry helped relieve some of this. People ask me about the wedding and I struggle to hold back the tears, so I don’t come off like a nut. But honestly, I am feeling a little nutty.

Some of it makes sense. .but I just didn’t see it coming.

Wondering if any other mothers went through the same thing. Similar stories would be helpful if you’d like to share.

I was so happy when my daughter got married, tho it wasnt a destination wedding. I'm wondering why you feel a need to cry, is it sadness, relief, a mixture?

She wanted a destination wedding which I thought was a great idea, but they changed their minds.

Could it be all of the rushing around, traveling, gotta be here or there at a certain time, that got to you?

I was so happy when my daughter got married, tho it wasnt a destination wedding. I'm wondering why you feel a need to cry, is it sadness, relief, a mixture?

See. . that's the thing. I don't know why I am feeling this way.

I think you just need time to take it all in and decompress. You should relax this weekend. Let everything catch up with you.

Reinvent, congrats on your son's marriage, but so sorry to hear you're struggling ((hugs)).

Are you familiar with this quote by Emily Giffin?

"A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life.."

Is this what you're feeling? That on some level, you've lost your son?

I'm choked up just writing this.

I'm guessing that you're feeling this way for a variety of reasons. This was a significant event in not only your son's life, but your life - your youngest getting married. So there's no doubt you're experiencing some growing pains and the finality and reality of it all is hitting you now that you're home and the wedding is over.

How do you normally deal with life changing events?

Also, this was an emotional event. I remember you posting about the upcoming wedding in previous threads, reinvent, so the anticipation of this event and the emotional rollercoaster you've been on prior to the event and during can be extremely exhausting.

Furthermore, it doesn't sound like you had a minute to breath over the three days when you were away for the wedding, and it sounds like you were exercising a fair amount of self-restraint when holding back tears during this time, so I'm sure you're physically and emotionally exhausted from the trip.

It sounds like you just need some down time to rest and as DanZee mentioned, decompress.

I wish I could share a relevant experience (my son is only 9 and thinks the romance he's been hearing about in his 4th grade class is "realllly gross!!!") - I echo what Katrina wrote and add to just let yourself be, with TLC. Of course people are going to assume you're thrilled and had a blast and are still thrilled. They mean well. So don't let it get to you, hopefully. I think the why will come to you at some point and I bet when you're distracted doing other things.

I am glad that although it was a whirlwind it all went smoothly.

Reinvent, congrats on your son's marriage, but so sorry to hear you're struggling ((hugs)).

 

Are you familiar with this quote by Emily Giffin?

 

"A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life.."

 

Is this what you're feeling? That on some level, you've lost your son?

 

I'm choked up just writing this.

Forgot to mention, I don't necessarily agree with that quote, my mom did not lose my two brothers when they got married. Not one bit.

But am wondering if this might be what you're feeling, hence the sadness and tears.

Reinvent, congrats on your son's marriage, but so sorry to hear you're struggling ((hugs)).

 

Are you familiar with this quote by Emily Giffin?

 

"A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life.."

 

Is this what you're feeling? That on some level, you've lost your son?

 

I'm choked up just writing this.

That's what's confusing. They've been together for 8 years, living together for at least half this time. They are super busy with their careers and school. I keep in touch but don't see them much as I'd like due to schedules, So I guess the loss is somewhat more symbolic then it would be in a practical sense

Batya ~ thanks for following my little world closely and yes, there was some tense moments leading up to it and during it all I was on my best behavior with my ex in laws, probably at least 40 in counting. They've always been very genuine with me, post divorce (Lot's of nieces and nephews) and a huge circle of my ex H's friends I hadn't seen in 18 years. So many smiling faces and everyone being gracious, but not really knowing who to trust and trying to navigate it all was exhausting.

I get the wear the scarlet letter for having left the (abusive) marriage and my ex's friends should support him because that's what friends are for. If I had to guess 2/3 of the attendees were his friends or family. So it was a tough crowd. He did not bring a date and this was the first time in 18 years I did. My ex was quiet and distant and if I didn't know any better, playing the victim card. He insisted he wasn't feeling well.

But again, he's not my problem. But navigating the personalities was probably part of what took the wind out of me.

I guess it flushed up old wounds at the same time.

You know others have said this so it aint original but it sounds awesome and exciting and....... physically and emotionally draining and overwhelming! It's kind of like when your body hurts the day after an intense workout and you wake up and you're like "wait, why am I so sore.....oh right......". Look you had to be "on" for your son's best interests and you know your boyfriend could indulge in not being on -he's not the parent of the groom - but it took its toll. Just be kind and your world is not so little at least not to me, I mean it is as all of ours are but you know.

Time to pamper maybe???

 

Time to pamper maybe???

I know I need to be a little selfish right now.

I just assumed each day would feel a little better, but it doesn't. That's what brought me here. I am feeling concerned.

And. . guess who gets to go to a (casual) wedding shower tonight?

That's what's confusing. They've been together for 8 years, living together for at least half this time. They are super busy with their careers and school. I keep in touch but don't see them much as I'd like due to schedules, So I guess the loss is somewhat more symbolic then it would be in a practical sense

 

Batya ~ thanks for following my little world closely and yes, there was some tense moments leading up to it and during it all I was on my best behavior with my ex in laws, probably at least 40 in counting. They've always been very genuine with me, post divorce (Lot's of nieces and nephews) and a huge circle of my ex H's friends I hadn't seen in 18 years. So many smiling faces and everyone being gracious, but not really knowing who to trust and trying to navigate it all was exhausting.

 

I get the wear the scarlet letter for having left the (abusive) marriage and my ex's friends should support him because that's what friends are for. If I had to guess 2/3 of the attendees were his friends or family. So it was a tough crowd. He did not bring a date and this was the first time in 18 years I did. My ex was quiet and distant and if I didn't know any better, playing the victim card. He insisted he wasn't feeling well.

 

But again, he's not my problem. But navigating the personalities was probably part of what took the wind out of me.

 

I guess it flushed up old wounds at the same time.

Well I recall you posting about your ex and his plus 1 at the wedding and not really knowing what to expect. Pair this was attending a three day wedding of your youngest getting married and the anticipation of not knowing what to expect is bound to drain anyone emotionally. That's a lot to take on, especially when you were flying by the seat of your pants for three days and most likely running on adrenaline.

Remember to give yourself a break. Rest and treat yourself.

hat's a lot to take on, especially when you were flying by the seat of your pants for three days and most likely running on adrenaline.

 

Remember to give yourself a break. Rest and treat yourself.

Thanks for saying this. It somewhat connected the dots for me. I remember wanting a drink (or two!) to calm my nerves and noticing that my adrenaline was cancelling out any effects of the alcohol. I kept sharing with my brother and boyfriend that I was intentionally trying to calm my self with alcohol but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't feel the effects.

I guess it's the crash of adrenaline that has me a weepy mess.

Thanks for the kind words.

It sounds like it was a beautiful wedding. For me, I ALWAYS find that those periods of excitement and happiness (and adrenaline) are always and inevitably followed by a crash. I remind myself that there is an actual chemical component to this phenomenon... the body/mind literally need to recalibrate after being flooded with so many endorphins and so much adreniline. I remember this even going back to early childhood ("the day after Christmas" phenomenon). And it still happens for a few days after a birthday, a beautiful gathering, an exciting party, or trip.

I also notice this when a project that entails intense planning, work, and anticipation suddenly ends. Specifically: when I'm involved in a grueling work project, pulling all-nighters, and really putting my all into something for a period of time. While the project is going on, I can't WAIT for it to be over, but I inevitably feel depressed the moment it is complete. There is suddenly a hole in my life, a temporary lack of purpose, and I feel lost and a bit empty. That combined with the adrenaline crash, and the exhaustion (both of which I'm sure you're feeling) leave me feeling bereft. I remind myself that the feeling is temporary.

Please try to give yourself some time to rest, and pick a few nice, indulgent things to do for yourself.

I know I need to be a little selfish right now.

I just assumed each day would feel a little better, but it doesn't. That's what brought me here. I am feeling concerned.

 

And. . guess who gets to go to a (casual) wedding shower tonight?

Since back from your three day trip, have you been able to focus only on yourself and resting?

I'm guessing that because you have a shower tonight, you've spent some time running around to prepare.

Sounds like you really need some time for only yourself...some 'me time' with no interruptions, including wedding showers, etc.

Set aside some time for only you. Can you do this once the wedding shower is done tonight?

ok . I didn't want to add to this, but when I came home I've had to admit my mom into the hospital.

She's ok. .bulging disk in her back and colitis but I honestly do not have the reserve to handle this right now, and at the same time I do not have a choice.

Now I just sound like I am whining. .uhg

Leaving work in a moment to relieve my brother from hospital watch.

Hoping to have a quiet weekend but I don't know when my mom will be released and what sort of care she'll require.

I know I need to be a little selfish right now.

I just assumed each day would feel a little better, but it doesn't. That's what brought me here. I am feeling concerned.

 

And. . guess who gets to go to a (casual) wedding shower tonight?

Oh goodness -another event? You and I are similar ages. We just didn't have all these parties upon parties for marriages, babies, etc back then. (well also there could not be a "gender reveal" way back when for scientific reasons lol). I know you have to go and please take it easy after. Is your boyfriend feeling better?

Oh goodness -another event? You and I are similar ages. We just didn't have all these parties upon parties for marriages, babies, etc back then. (well also there could not be a "gender reveal" way back when for scientific reasons lol). I know you have to go and please take it easy after. Is your boyfriend feeling better?

Boyfriend is great. He's been my rock but at the same time I just need some solitude, so I've pushed him away a couple times.

How adorable are these two ?

Boyfriend is great. He's been my rock but at the same time I just need some solitude, so I've pushed him away a couple times.

I understand and love the photo!!! Congratulations!!

ok . I didn't want to add to this, but when I came home I've had to admit my mom into the hospital.

She's ok. .bulging disk in her back and colitis but I honestly do not have the reserve to handle this right now, and at the same time I do not have a choice.

 

Now I just sound like I am whining. .uhg

Leaving work in a moment to relieve my brother from hospital watch.

 

Hoping to have a quiet weekend but I don't know when my mom will be released and what sort of care she'll require.

You’re emotionally and physically exhausted.

I hope you can find the time to recharge your batteries because it sounds like you’re running on empty.

Also, you’re not whining. Sometimes we need to vent. Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for the kind words. It helped, really :)

Off to go see my mom.

I can't answer your question (obviously) but congrats on your son's wedding. ENA members wish him a long and happy marriage :)

The emotions make sense to me. I've experienced unexpected emotional tearing up when my kids graduations. I really didn't expect it and it caught me off guard. Mine aren't married, but I can imagine intense emotions could pop in for a visit. It could bring up so many memories, even unconscious ones.

My mom openly wept at my wedding. I could hear her sobbing as I said my vows. I recently asked her why. She said it was because I was getting married and her baby was leaving . I think it’s very natural emotion .

I am sorry to hear about your mom .