Guy who has feelings for me hooked up with other girls

I have known this guy (let's say his name is Matt) since sophomore year of high school and we had a crush on each other really much the whole time throughout high school but we never ever talked during high school. Matt would tell all his friends and his sister about me and I know because they would all stare at me when they saw me. Two years ago, he told a good friend of his that he saw me as a future wife. It's been six years since we graduated high school and we still continued to have feelings for each other (until now).

We would communicate on Facebook but it seemed he wanted to wait until I finish university to be with me. A good friend of his added me on Facebook four years ago and I saw he had an Instagram account, and through his Instagram I also found Matt's Instagram. Matt also had a picture that had his game name (a unique name BTW) on League of Legends. Matt knew I found his game name. I would search that name on Google and find that he also used that name on other websites like YouTube and Imgur. It seemed his Imgur account was created last year. Just last weekend, he posted a meme he made saying he had sex for the first time in four years and got gonorrhea from oral. Some of his comments included about how NoFap paid off because he couldn't stop talking and staring at girls, and that he is going to have to find another girl because he got gonorrhea from a girl. I was shaking so much when I read everything. I was so heartbroken that I blocked him, his sisters, and his good friends on Facebook. Because Matt knew that I knew his LoL game name and his YouTube account, he should've known that I would also find his Imgur. He deleted that image two days after I blocked him. I don't know if he intentionally wanted me to see that image and his comments or if he felt bad (or hurt that I blocked him on Facebook) that he deleted the picture. Few days ago, I made a Tinder account to see if he had a Tinder and it turns out he does. I'm guessing this is where he found other girls and had sex with them. Just today, he posted comments on Imgur suggesting someone to try NoFap and commented how NoFap allowed him to "get in shape and chase other women", how he's been having fun with chasing other women, and proceeded to say he has not chased girls since he was a teenager (and I'm definitely confident that the girl he was chasing during his teenage years had to be me).

I'm so hurt right now and I've been having so much anxiety for the past few days. Even though we were never in a relationship, he was the first guy that I loved and I would vision my future with him and I know he would think the same thing too. I don't understand how could he have sex with other girls few years ago and recently now, even though he had feelings for me. What are your thoughts about this? Was he just horny at the moment and just wanted to hook up while waiting for me to finish up university? Does (or did) he really have feelings for me after all? Was he actually looking to be in a relationship with someone else and forget about me?

I think he fed you a line that he was waiting for you to finish school. You were used, from a distance. He knew you liked him but because he was elsewhere he was doing what most normal red blooded young men do, which is get laid whenever possible. You would do well to let go of this, yes I know you dont want to, but you have got him on such a pedestal all he can do is fall off of it. The odds this guy is going to be the one you end up with are between slim and nil. You've basically developed a romantic notion of life with him and he's gone in another direction. You never even actually had a proper relationship with him. I would block and delete him from every social media outlet and dont unblock or undelete him.

Sorry if a lot of this doesn't make sense. My mind has been all over the place from my anxiety..

So you've been waiting 6 years for this guy you've never had a relationship with to have a relationship with. Girl, this is mind control. I think he's enjoyed controlling you and keeping you from dating.

You're at university. Find a nice guy and take him out on a date. Free yourself of your mind prison. Go out and have fun and experience LIFE! Go out and have fun and get kissed and fall in love. Do not wait for some guy who's going out getting gonorrhea from strangers. Go out on a date this weekend!

This is a little confusing.

Have you ever really spoken to him in person? You said you two didn't really talk during high school and that you communicate on Facebook. Have you ever had a date? There's a lot of third-party interaction through other people but there doesn't appear to have been much time in person with each other.

I think he's likely been chasing and hooking up with other girls all along, OP. I hate to break it to you, but if he didn't so much as talk to you in high school, then he wasn't chasing you, either. I'm afraid you've built this up in your mind to be much more than it ever was. As for waiting until you finish school, well, that's a load of horse manure. No guy who really wants to be with you is going to suggest it will happen years from now. Did he actually say that? I don't agree that this was mind control. He might have suggested you two could hook up later, but you were free to do what you want and extricate yourself from this.

When a guy is really into you, you will know it. It seems you believed he was the one when there was actually very little evidence to support that notion. It's time to put him behind you and find a good guy who actually wants to be with you and date you.

An unhealthy obsession like this including scouring and stalking every imaginable social media about this high school crush is something you need to sort out with a therapist.

It's been six years since we graduated high school. we were never in a relationship I don't understand how could he have sex with other girls.

This is a little confusing.

 

Have you ever really spoken to him in person? You said you two didn't really talk during high school and that you communicate on Facebook. Have you ever had a date? There's a lot of third-party interaction through other people but there doesn't appear to have been much time in person with each other.

 

I think he's likely been chasing and hooking up with other girls all along, OP. I hate to break it to you, but if he didn't so much as talk to you in high school, then he wasn't chasing you, either. I'm afraid you've built this up in your mind to be much more than it ever was...When a guy is really into you, you will know it. It seems you believed he was the one when there was actually very little evidence to support that notion. It's time to put him behind you and find a good guy who actually wants to be with you and date you.

Took the words right out of my mouth!

It doesn't even seem like he said or implied he's waiting for you to finish college in order to start a relationship with you (you didn't say he actually said this to you directly, only it seems to you he's waiting). It looks like you just filled in the blanks to suit your desires; to put an explanation as to why nothing has come out of this infatuation.

Please do not wait for this guy. Truth be told, he sounds gross and like a tool. He's definitely immature, with his desperate attention seeking behavior about being a wannabe player.

Who in the hell posts that that have contracted an STD! He sounds gross.

I don't know why you are hurt, as you do not know him, and you haven't even been on a date. He has been feeding you a bunch of crap. If he liked you, he would have asked you out a LONG time ago. Does it really make sense that he sees you as "his wife," but has never been on a proper date with you? He never had feelings for you.

Find a better quality individual who does not play games. How can you "love" someone you do not know? Your obsession with this guy is very unhealthy. See a therapist.

So you've been waiting 6 years for this guy you've never had a relationship with to have a relationship with. Girl, this is mind control. I think he's enjoyed controlling you and keeping you from dating.

 

You're at university. Find a nice guy and take him out on a date. Free yourself of your mind prison. Go out and have fun and experience LIFE! Go out and have fun and get kissed and fall in love. Do not wait for some guy who's going out getting gonorrhea from strangers. Go out on a date this weekend!

He did not control her . She chose to create this fantasy.

OP, can you give us some "tangible" reasons why you believe this guy (1) had feelings for you all throughout HS (despite your never having an actual conversation with him) and (2) maintained these feelings for the six years after you graduated (again despite never having an actual conversation with you).

His friends and sisters "staring" at you in HS means **nothing** -- he could have told them he was creeped out by you and *that* is why they were staring. Casual FB messaging means nothing either.

It doesn't sound to me like he fed you any "lines" or misled you in any way.

He was busy living his life, which included pursuing, dating, having sex with other girls. I don't mean to hurt you, but most likely he wasn't/isn't giving *you* much thought at all, if any.

This is your fantasy, your delusion, your obsession, all in your own head, I'm sorry.

Please seek professional guidance to determine why and how you have allowed this delusion to manifest to where it is. And for your anxiety also.

Again, I am sorry. Best of luck.

I agree with Katrina and the answers to those questions would be very helpful. I'll take a leap though and assume that the answers will point to his interest in you being all or vastly in your head and imagination. It's a good thing that you seem to have discovered that Matt is sexually active and dating up a storm so obviously he doesn't see the two of you together to date, let alone be serious. It is good because now you can ask yourself why you allowed yourself to indulge in this fantasy and to act it out by checking his Instagram and Tinder accounts. What is your social life like, your life in general? Do you get fixated in other ways? I agree also that you should seek professional guidance.

I want to thank everyone for their perspectives so far. I have been very shy and quiet my entire life and I did not grow up connecting with many people. The people who I made a pretty good connection with during my high school years ended up hurting me in the end, and since then I have yet to make any connections. My obsession with him began just a little after high school when I truly became lonely and I had no one to talk to. I still have no friends (besides one close friend), and I don't make friends very easily. Because I was so lonely, I thought this guy would be the one that I would become so emotionally and mentally attached to him. I'm guessing it was my loneliness that allowed my fantasies and delusions about him to manifest and all I wanted was for someone to acknowledge me and accept me. He knew of my stalking and he took advantage of that and use that to hurt me deeply by bragging on Imgur about screwing other girls and getting gonorrhea. Now he's continuing to post about getting girls and by that, he really wants to hurt me very much.

I am extremely confident he did like me in high school (he showed many signs and I witnessed a good friend of his being supportive) but I'm going to reach to a conclusion that he never chased me after all. I believe deep down he did want to be with me at some point but I don't know anymore. I still don't understand why he would actually hurt me like that in the end, all he had to do was tell me on Facebook that he doesn't feel the same anymore or just block me. That would've saved me a huge heartache and bad anxiety. On the other hand, he does not have a degree nor any stable job, is mostly an immature a-hole to others, and only cares about being cool and looking cool, so I hope he won't make it far in life (but his dad is a petroleum engineer so he likely has an easy way of getting by by mooching money off of his dad unfortunately). I was already warned by two people about him when I told them about him but I thought they didn't understand my love for him because I was so blind. I can only hope this entire situation serves as a very good learning experience.

Wow, I do not understand why you think it is directed at you. He does not care about you, that is very clear. You have created some fantasy believing that this guy thinks about you, and he does not. Have you ever spoken to this guy in person?

I strongly suggest that you seek a therapist immediately, as you are creating scenarios that do not exist. You need to stop stalking him. This is really unhealthy. He does not have to tell you anything, as you do not exist to him. Your obsession is very concerning.

You need a life and friends, so that you do not create these obsessions. Go to Meet ups, volunteer, join clubs. Anything! Create a life for yourself.

Please seek a therapist.

I am also unclear why you think his online activity has anything to do with you, OP.

It sounds like he's just a young guy, living it up, maybe making some poor choices along the way - but without any thought towards you while he is doing it. You are applying personal meaning to his behaviour where there is none.

Have you ever actually spoken to him in person?

I'm sorry but I doubt he is thinking about you enough to think of you when he is posting this stuff. He isn't doing it to hurt you, he's probably just bragging to his friends.

You need to start focusing on other things and stop thinking about him.

A good friend of his added me on Facebook four years ago and I saw he had an Instagram account, and through his Instagram I also found Matt's Instagram. Matt also had a picture that had his game name (a unique name BTW) on League of Legends. Matt knew I found his game name. I would search that name on Google and find that he also used that name on other websites like YouTube and Imgur. It seemed his Imgur account was created last year.

Have you actually spoken to Matt in person?

Have you ever actually spoken to him in person?

I just posted the SAME question!

"Two years ago, he told a good friend of his that he saw me as a future wife. "

How did you find this out?

"It's been six years since we graduated high school and we still continued to have feelings for each other..."

Did he tell you he has feelings for you?

"We would communicate on Facebook but it seemed he wanted to wait until I finish university to be with me."

Did he tell you this himself?

"Matt knew I found his game name. "

How do you know he knew this? Did he tell you himself?

"...proceeded to say he has not chased girls since he was a teenager (and I'm definitely confident that the girl he was chasing during his teenage years had to be me)."

Source?

"Even though we were never in a relationship, he was the first guy that I loved and I would vision my future with him and I know he would think the same thing too."

Did he tell you this himself?

I'm not trying to pick apart your post, but rather trying to determine if any of your assertions about his feelings for you are based on what he told you HIMSELF, or what you believe you perceived based on vague online references and third hand information.

I am sorry you are going through this. This is a very difficult situation. To me, it sounds as if he is not even ready to be in a relationship. My thoughts are to focus on your well being and what is best for you right now. Focus on finishing university and making yourself happy. Have you tried talking with him about this situation and how it makes you feel? That may help clear the air. Anyway, I hope everything works out:)