My BF still talks to his Ex

I have been dating my bf for nearly 9 months now. I am happy with him, however he is still friendly with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years. They have a lot of mutual friends, as well being involved together in extra curricular things. However, they text one-on-one also. Is this something I should be threatened by? It makes me feel quite insecure

Do you talk to your bf about this? How long since they broke up? And has he been honest about this friendship from the beginning? Do you guys ever hang out in groups?

Everyone has a different threshold for this sort of thing. Some believe friendships with exes is wrong, or weird; others believe it's normal, even ideal. Ultimately, I think it comes down to how it makes you feel, and whether it's something you can navigate with your partner—or not.

I have been dating my bf for nearly 9 months now. I am happy with him, however he is still friendly with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years. They have a lot of mutual friends, as well being involved together in extra curricular things. However, they text one-on-one also. Is this something I should be threatened by? It makes me feel quite insecure

Agree with the above advice. It’s very personal and the context matters. How long ago the relationship ended and the reason for it ending are very important factors to consider. If you feel like there may be some lingering feelings there, or there might be more the purely platonic feelings there, then perhaps the friendship is inappropriate. Personally I am still friends with one of my exes. But we broke up 5 years ago and it was because my romantic feelings for him were no longer there. So to me this friendship poses no real risk to any possible future relationships. But again it all depends on the circumstances of his relationship with his ex, and of course how it is making you feel in your relationship with him.

How often do they communicate?

What is the content of the texts? Do they say "Baby, I miss you! Can't wait to see you!!" Or do they say "Hey, what time is the softball game next Thursday"?

They have a lot of mutual friends, as well being involved together in extra curricular things.

Well, they do have a lot of overlap in their lives. How does he interact with her? Are you guys still in school? Have you asked why the relationship didn't work out? When I was at school, I saw my ex almost every day for 18 months so on the surface it looked like we were still friendly although I was pretty heartbroken over the break up and it killed me to see her and not be with her. So a lot depends on what they're actually doing together rather than just texting each other.

Have you met her, has he introduced you to her? Does he invite you to join in the activities they pursue together?

Does she have a boyfriend, if so do you all go out together?

Your answers will determine my response.

How long ago did they break up before you started dating? After 9 mos of dating, this is a time to observe behaviors like this and decide if you are compatible when it comes to boundaries.

I have been dating my bf for nearly 9 months now. he is still friendly with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years. they text one-on-one also.

Do you feel threatened by it? Without a lot of background to go on I'd say trust your gut. Talk to him about it. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable.

It would be helpful OP if you could return and answer our questions. Thanks!

It would be helpful OP if you could return and answer our questions. Thanks!

Seconding this.

It would be helpful OP if you could return and answer our questions. Thanks!

I have a feeling the OP won't. A 400lb feeling.