Long Term Relationship - struggling

To give a background to it all. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years. We've never had huge issues and always stayed close together. Now we both live in the same big city. But he lives at home with family and I rent in a flat. Our issue comes from progressing our relationship. He has not ever shown intention of it. I have been bringing up the conversation for a while now and only now he is listening and answering questions. He claims to love me and I am the one he wants to settles with. He sees it as expected at some age. I was under the impression that soon we would have taken a step and moved in together or something. He took that option out of the picture which I understood. The only option he's given is marriage and live at his home, which again is fine because it's logical. But he wants another 3 years till we are married to focus on his career. I am struggling with it being another 3 years. Quite honestly I've initially felt neglected and taken for granted that he's never before thrown thought to have how our relationship will progress. Then I felt drained from all the conversations I've had to open up his eyes. His eyes are open now but it all feels too late. He gave me hope it would be sooner last week and then took it away yesterday. I just can't stop being upset about it. For me another 3 years is an ask. I don't live here with the same support he has. For him he thinks I do not care for his career - but I've felt like I've shown plenty of support to date. I am feeling serious resent building up against him. Even if I do wait the 3 years out then I've just been taken advantage of. I'll be taking this next step questioning if I'm being taken a fool. I really don't want to leave this relationship but I'm struggling to be in it too.

Yeah, some guys just won't leave home. They're immature and still think of themselves as little boys. Moving out means they would have to face being an adult. I would ask how old are you both and where do you live? I mean, if you're in New York or London, I can see why he might want you to move in with his family because of the high cost of housing. Or if you're both only 22 years old and were together since you were 16. But if you're older and been together for 6 years, it sounds like the relationship is going nowhere, and you know it. I mean, you're suppose to wait another 3 years? And then what? Does he come up with another excuse? You probably should move on with your life. Find someone successful who wants to get married and make you happy.

Yeah he I know doesn't want to face being an adult. We're both 26 and live in London. He wants to propose in 6months just as a sign of commitment. This is his way of showing him he cares but the wedding would still be in 3 years.

You would be piling 3 more wasted years on top of the 5-1/2 you've already wasted.

It's takes about six months of intelligent dating to determine your partners plans, goals, dreams and desires.

Your only hope now is to tell him what YOU want, and tell him now.

Sorry this is happening. You seem much more invested than he is. Is there a cultural situation going on? You mention you are supposed to move in with his family and you know no one where you are. Clearly he is stringing you along.

Surely he hangs out at your place when he wants a break from mommy and daddy, but then returns home to be pampered. This has nothing to do with his career. It has to do with you providing a free bed and breakfast escape for him. Stop doing that.

he lives at home with family and I rent in a flat. The only option he's given is marriage and live at his home. I don't live here with the same support he has.

If the relationship is not building up the way that you want, but he is fine with it, there there is a conflict of interest. If this is the case, then perhaps you should begin thinking about leaving to pursue someone that is more in line with your desires.

At present, just because you are ready and he is not, does not give you the right to bully him into it, but it does give you the right to leave. And once he has been bullied into getting married, what next, bully him into having children before he is ready?

I'd ask myself, "Since this is the most that BF will offer me, do I stay or go?"

If the answer is stay, then here you are. If the answer is go, the next question becomes, "When?"

We never get any time back to live over again.

It sounds as though you're both in two different places in life. You want the adult life and marriage, he wants to continue staying at home and being the 20 year old with little obligations.

He is even hesitating on getting engaged to you, a very bad sign. You shouldn't have to force someone to marry or even get engaged.

He has literally taken all the romance out of both scenarios.

I don't blame you for resenting him. He is basically stringing you along and wants to put you on hold. It's not fair and it's demeaning.

I would have to call it a day. How is any of that love or romantic? Geesh.

Failure to launch. A couple living with ones parents is extremely stressful. The home is not yours. You have no privacy. If you're unhappy now, times that by 10 if you moved into his family's home. If he can't afford half of your flat rent, then obviously he doesn't have the same work ethic and financial stability as you. If he can afford it but likes to live rent free with his family, (and it doesn't even sound like his goal during 3 years is to save for a new home for you both), then in either case the situation should be unacceptable to you.

I'd suggest you envision a future with a man who meets all of your main needs and shows you that you are his priority, and then lay out a life plan to make that happen. Take care.

I think he's living at home because it's easy and cheap, and perhaps it's expected by family that he do so. He sounds immature and not ready for marriage or living together. You are in a different place in life than he is, so you need to decide if you want to wait on him or do you move on. Only you can decide that.

Move in with his family? I see that as a recipe for disaster.

What is the career he's building?

He still lives at home at 26! Does he work? Why would you want to live with his parents when you marry? That sounds miserable.

Time to move on from this man child. I serriedly doubt he will marry you in 3 years. He is stringing you along.

Sorry but it sounds to me like he is just stringing you along. How would his career be so negatively impacted if he moved out of his parent's home and shared a flat with you? His excuses are complete nonsense and I think you both know this. For whatever reason he either isn't ready to be an adult or specifically doesn't want to marry you but is too lazy to break up and find someone else. Your relationship is convenient and he'll keep you pacified while putting off what you want for as long as possible.

Life is too short for this and you really need to stop telling yourself that he doesn't know any better and that you need to teach him, convince him, or open his eyes. He doesn't live under a rock. He does know what he is doing. I'd stop wasting your life on this guy. Wouldn't even give him another month, let alone 3 years in your shoes. Time to exit and find a guy who is already where you want to be.

Is.he trying to be an actor? Rock star? Have a career as a painter or sculptor? Be an author?

Or is he finishing medical school or an internship or residency to be a doctor?

Is he going to medical school? What does he expect to happen in 3 years? Why he become a partner at a law firm? Ask him what he thinks will happen in 3 years that it would then be good to marry? I mean, why not two year?