Do I continue to fight? Your thoughts in general?

Hello All,

 

I am going to try my best to keep this short and simple.

 

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago due to her moving away for grad school. We were together for a little over 2 years, and enjoyed a healthy and happy relationship together. Initially, I was the one not willing to try long distance because of my fear of commitment. and this is why we broke up/ About 1 month ago (3 months post break up), we talked and I explained to her that I had made a mistake when I told her I was not willing to try long distance. She told me she had moved on since and no longer felt those same feeling as i did, and she recommended i do the same. She went on to explain how she saw a guy for a month and really enjoyed their time together. I believe she feels this way because she's past the post breakup depression and finally happy again.

.

I recently sent her a text message essentially saying "Please don't respond to this, I just want to let you know i am sorry i only gave our relationship 70%. I know I really hurt you the past 6 months we were together and i wish i could go back and change that. I've since realized how you're a gem, and this is why i am still fighting for you and why I am putting myself in a vulnerable situation". About a week later, I sent her a text message saying "Hey what's up! How have you been?". We've been texting over the past several days and although her texts are very interactive (in the sense that she asks me questions and has long replies", she only replies twice a day, almost on a schedule.

 

How should I interpret this? I would assume she would have initially replied with something along the lines of "I appreciate you texting me and asking how I am doing, but I don't believe this is healthy for you because you have not moved on" if there wasn't any sort of chance i could win her back. It seems like she's afraid to open up around me. This is something she struggled with during our time together.

 

I really love the girl and I want to keep fighting for her, but i know at some point i need to throw in the towel and move on with my life, as i know it's not healthy. Does anyone have recommendations on my next play?

 

I want to emphasize again, I know i should move on but at the same time my heart tells me to give it a little longer because I didn't give our relationship 100%.

 

Please seem some additional notes below:

- I believe she detached from our relationship our final months together.

- She has messaged about once a month since our break up.

- She's very very smart.

- We live about 500 miles apart and share the same hometown.

- She's 22, I'm 24

 

Thanks for the read and your thoughts!

Have you ever heard the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”? If you have, then consider how your actions are pushing her away rather than pulling her closer. Make yourself scarce; it will do two things: 1) Prove to her you are a man, and don’t NEED someone in your life, you WANT someone; and 2) It will show her that you respect her space and that you want her to come around when she feels comfortable and more importantly, ready.

 

If it’s meant to be, she’ll be back. If not, then someone else is waiting for you to make a move, Romeo.

Thanks for the response!

 

Regarding my actions pushing her away, I am afraid that since she does not live in the same city as me and has already moved on, time is vital. Should I not worry about that?

Yes, time is vital. Just not in the way you think.

 

This is the moment to embrace time, and let it expand, not try to shrink it and control it.

 

You've told her how you feel, in no uncertain terms. Great. She knows. She has told you how she feels, which, right now, is not the same. A text message won't change that. The script in your mind is just that—a story you're writing to support your truth when the actual truth is more complicated.

 

But you know what might change things? Time. That's what time does. Time in which she lives her life, her present, and you do the same. When feelings are true and deep they never go away completely, but they surface on their own, organically, not because of some wild gesture.

You're fighting a losing battle. She's moved on. You haven't. She's just trying to be nice by answering your texts. A lot of girls try to keep exes as friends, but it only makes you think that she's still interested in you and that there's a chance. I don't think there is. Reconciliations hardly ever work out. And she has a boyfriend, so you're barking up the wrong tree. Time to stop contacting her and move on.

For your own peace of mind, and so you don't look back and keep wondering what if, ask her straight up one more time if getting back together is an option or not. If she still tells you that it's not, you will need to accept it and move on for good and absolutely stop talking to her at that point.

Hello All,

 

I am going to try my best to keep this short and simple.

 

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago due to her moving away for grad school. We were together for a little over 2 years, and enjoyed a healthy and happy relationship together. Initially, I was the one not willing to try long distance because of my fear of commitment. and this is why we broke up/ About 1 month ago (3 months post break up), we talked and I explained to her that I had made a mistake when I told her I was not willing to try long distance. She told me she had moved on since and no longer felt those same feeling as i did, and she recommended i do the same. She went on to explain how she saw a guy for a month and really enjoyed their time together. I believe she feels this way because she's past the post breakup depression and finally happy again.

.

I recently sent her a text message essentially saying "Please don't respond to this, I just want to let you know i am sorry i only gave our relationship 70%. I know I really hurt you the past 6 months we were together and i wish i could go back and change that. I've since realized how you're a gem, and this is why i am still fighting for you and why I am putting myself in a vulnerable situation". About a week later, I sent her a text message saying "Hey what's up! How have you been?". We've been texting over the past several days and although her texts are very interactive (in the sense that she asks me questions and has long replies", she only replies twice a day, almost on a schedule.

 

How should I interpret this? I would assume she would have initially replied with something along the lines of "I appreciate you texting me and asking how I am doing, but I don't believe this is healthy for you because you have not moved on" if there wasn't any sort of chance i could win her back. It seems like she's afraid to open up around me. This is something she struggled with during our time together.

 

I really love the girl and I want to keep fighting for her, but i know at some point i need to throw in the towel and move on with my life, as i know it's not healthy. Does anyone have recommendations on my next play?

 

I want to emphasize again, I know i should move on but at the same time my heart tells me to give it a little longer because I didn't give our relationship 100%.

 

Please seem some additional notes below:

- I believe she detached from our relationship our final months together.

- She has messaged about once a month since our break up.

- She's very very smart.

- We live about 500 miles apart and share the same hometown.

- She's 22, I'm 24

 

Thanks for the read and your thoughts!

You were together for 2 years. You don't have a fear of commitment. Guys like to tell themselves these things because it projects strength in their minds. I'm going to imagine that you got scared she was going to be 500 miles away and at a university where the potential for other guys was there, so you may have tried a little game to see if she would change her mind about moving so far. And it backfired.

 

And the ole' "Please don't respond to this" translates to "I haven't heard from you for a while and miss you and want to get a response from you without coming out and saying I want to hear from you. So please don't respond.". And then when she didn't respond, you reached out to her.

 

I would interpret things like this. You broke up. She moved away. You're trying to get her back. She told you she's over you and started seeing someone new. She likely responds after you initiate contact but it's not very often. I think you need to move on. Because if you're trying to get her back, you're going to push her away even more by being needy.

Thanks for the response!

 

Regarding my actions pushing her away, I am afraid that since she does not live in the same city as me and has already moved on, time is vital. Should I not worry about that?

If she's moved on, time is irrelevant. You want her back, it's understandable, you're hurt and don't like the results. Move on, if she wants to contact you in the future, she'll reach out. But what bluecastle said, you're trying to control it.

Didn't we tell you this already in another thread?