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Thread: Required actions when beginning Exclusive

  1. #1

    Required actions when beginning Exclusive

    Im a 52 yr old male and gf is a 53 yr old female.

    After about 10 dates in a two week period of time we decided to go exclusive. She agreed to go exclusive with me.

    I thought it was a no brained that wed agree to hide our online dating profiles and tell anyone we had been talking to in a dating context goodbye.

    My gf doesnt want to do this. She thinks Im being controlling. Says I should trust her based on her actions.


    I cant help but to think shes nuts. Why on earth cant we just hide our profiles and tell anyone wed been Persuing a relationship goodbye? Isnt that totally normal?

    She says she hasnt spoken with some guy that she dated since they had their date about a week ago. But hes sent her a message just yesterday, shes ignored him, but wont say goodbye. This bothers me a lot.
    Last edited by invisibleDog; 10-10-2018 at 12:52 PM.

  2. #2
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    I think it's completely normal to hide your dating profile and let the folks you may have been dating know. That's what my GF and I did about a month ago. It wasn't even a big thing. I told her that I wanted to concentrate on seeing where our relationship would go and had taken down my dating profiles. She told me she was "headed that way" and, about a week later, had taken hers down as well.

    Even before her, I had someone who I had a date scheduled with cancel on me because they decided to go exclusive with someone else. My feelings weren't hurt or anything because it's totally normal. I wished her the best of luck and that was it.

    So yea, if she's not willing to take down her dating profile, you're not actually exclusive. I agree on trusting someone based on their actions, but taking down their dating profile *is* an action that can build trust.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    OK. She doesn't want to be exclusive after 2 weeks/10 dates which is fine. How is she "your gf" after 10 dates? What is the purpose of "hiding" profiles at this time? Is it a suggestion you make as prelude to sex?

    "Hiding" profiles means your dating site account is all set and ready to go at any time with a simple click. So it simply means not actively dating others....at the moment. Unfortunately it sounds like she's on the fence about you and still shopping around.

    You can hide your profile but you can't make anyone hide theirs. It is controlling because it's her call, not yours. All you can do is take note and act accordingly.
    Originally Posted by invisibleDog
    After about 10 dates in a two week period of time we decided to go exclusive. I thought it was a no brained that wed agree to hide our online dating profiles and tell anyone we had been talking to in a dating context goodbye. My gf doesnt want to do this. She thinks Im being controlling. some guy that she dated since they had their date about a week ago. But hes sent her a message just yesterday, shes ignored him, but wont say goodbye.

  4. #4
    Just to clarify, she agreed to be exclusive with me.

    To me that means telling people youve dated or have talked to and considered dating goodbye.

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  6. #5
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    I somehow missed that you'd only been together for 2 weeks. I agree that's a bit early to have the "exclusive" talk. That said, if you have had the talk and are on the same page when you talked, she should disable her dating profile. If, after 2 weeks, she still wants to have that open and date, that is completely normal and expected. But not if she is telling you that you are exclusive.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    10 dates in just two weeks? Now you are pushing to be exclusive already AND you are dictating to her how she should address people she might have been talking to on the dating site? Yeah.....I can see how she might be freaked out and call you controlling. That's quite a pushy whirlwind you've got going on and you are calling her nuts? How nice....I'm being sarcastic here.

    How that actually works is this. If you feel like you are happy with where you are and aren't interested in other options, that's all good and well. You can either let the person you are seeing know or not. Up to you really. It's quite frankly a bit too much too soon. So you don't pressure the other person, but rather allow them to move forward at their own pace and CHOOSE to be with you rather than be pressured into being with you. If it takes them another week or even a month to reach the same point, that's perfectly acceptable. You do not dictate to them how to address and handle people they are talking to. That's entirely on them and none of your business how they choose to end things.

    If you've been dating 2-3 months and still not mutually exclusive, as in the relationship isn't moving forward, again, you don't pressure the person, you simply accept that they aren't that into you and move on. Demanding exclusivity after two weeks and dictating how she should go about it - that's nuts.

  8. #7
    What about telling other potential suitors goodbye? She had some guy send her a message just yesterday. She dated him a week ago but hasnt communicated with him since then. I think if weve agreed to go exclusive that its practically required that wed agree to close those relationships.

  9. #8
    Id say about 70% of the times we met in person were because she wanted to see me and meet me.

    I didnt push to go exclusive. We agreed to it. She pushed more than me.

    My question really is something like ... if weve agreed to go exclusive, what are normal protocols?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No dating/sex with others.

  11. #10
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    WOW! Ten dates in two weeks. Too much! I see this fizzling as quickly as it started. You should only be seeing each other a couple times a week. Do you have interests and friends?

    The bit about her not hiding her profile, suggests that she is not ready to be "exclusive." This is what happens when you rush things with people you do not know.

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