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I got friendzoned by coworker


flozfzx

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I've known my coworker for years, when I first met her we clicked automatically. Well She was in a relationship for years and so I was but recently she broke up with her boyfriend recently and I was already broken up with my GF about 2 years ago. I would do a lot for this women and this is were I went wrong, and we would spent a lot of time together, almost hooking up but never happen, this is before she broke up with her boyfriend but I always respected her and her relationship. We enjoy our time together and I started catching feelings, since she was single I was if she would maybe wanted to try and take it slow, But I was friend-zone a lot time ago lol. Later on in the days i found out she actually got a new boyfriend and she is just getting know, I found out and she actually told me but I never confronted her (Its her life) I told her that I was happy for her, but I told her also that I needed space from her and that I could not be her friend I just couldn't see myself being friends with her at this point reason is that I couldn't do that to myself and listening to her adventures with her boyfriend.

 

Now lately she's been acting very rude towards me, but I just been keeping my distance simply say hi and bye no long conversation or favors like I used too. Today she sat next too me and she was asking me questions and I was just simply answering them, then her new man called and I ate and left her there talking on the phone and she got pissed off because of that, and then I saw her in the hallway and she gave me a hated looked like she just hates me and I simply smiled at her and kept working.... I would love to be her friend in the future but I can't at the moment.

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She's not respecting your request for space. She likes the ego boost of your having a crush on her, and that attention's more important to her than your hurt feelings. She's trying to manipulate you with her anger. You're seeing who she really is, now--not someone worth being a friend to. Friends care about your well-being and she doesn't.

 

Continue to treat her with brief hello's like you would any other co-worker, without all the emotional energy and time you used to give her. Try meetups.com for singles activities in your age group if you're having trouble meeting any new prospects.

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Your jealousy of her new guy has shown itself to her in you being rude and unfriendly towards her. I dont see how you will be as friendly as you were with her considering how you've been treating her. She never was your gf. Work on yourself and getting over feeling jealous of the new guy.

 

No I'm not jealousy I am very happy for her... I am not rude towards her but I'm not close as I was, she has her feelings and seee me as a friend so Do i have my own feelings and can't see her as a friend...

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No I'm not jealousy I am very happy for her... I am not rude towards her but I'm not close as I was, she has her feelings and seee me as a friend so Do i have my own feelings and can't see her as a friend...

 

Wait...so you’re happy that the girl you have been ‘friends’ with as you watched and waited for your chance to pounce has a boyfriend...

 

Then why pray tell can’t you be friends?

 

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge so you can keep trying to backdoor your way into relationships by offering women friendship and servitude and calling it being friend zoned. Or you can own it and approach women sincerely.

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Well, I think you should have told her how you felt about her and then your actions might make sense to her. But as it is now, she sees that you were fine with her old boyfriend, but now you're acting weird with her new boyfriend and she doesn't know why. I think you need to tell her that you liked her and it hurts to see her with another guy and that's why you need space. We've received a lot of posts on ENA where girls have absolutely no idea that the guys hanging around them have crushes on them. She may not know how you feel. Just admit you're jealous and that's why you need the space. Then she'll understand and she will be able to deal with it.

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Well, this sort of thing has happened to me. But the thing is, just because you have these feekings for her, doesnt mean the whole time she was with her ex, she was planning to go with you when she broke up with him. That was sort of your idea. Not only freind zoned, you may not even be her type at all. When she broke up, she looked for her type again, and you werent it. it happens.

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The problem here is that you strategically placed yourself to be the rebound guy. She monkeybranched onto you and when she wanted to be FWB, you also agreed to put yourself in the precarious position of being constantly on the border of being friendzoned by agreeing to this. I can only guess this sent a message to her that you also weren't in a position to invest in her as a long-term relationship with a future and so she (being on the rebound) never saw it that way either.

 

I get it. Your tactic of not revealing 100% of your feelings in order to keep some mystery and attraction didn't go as planned or she used you as a post-breakup-teddy-bear-until-she-centered-herself-emotionally (or whatever helped her deal with end of the old relationship).

 

That's okay. Been there done this too.

 

Be cool about the new boyfriend. Wouldn't it be good if you started seeing someone new so that when she starts the "luvvy-dubby-show" for you about the new boyfriend, you've got a story to tell and your own game to counter this?

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No I'm not jealousy I am very happy for her... I am not rude towards her but I'm not close as I was, she has her feelings and seee me as a friend so Do i have my own feelings and can't see her as a friend...

 

You sound jealous to me, why else would you have reacted to her finding a new guy if you werent jealous? Even if you dont think you are jealous she may see it that way.

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I'm sorry she didn't want to be more than friends with you. I think it was reasonable of you to tell her you can't be friends with her right now and need some space. Sounds like she doesn't understand the reason, or she's insensitive/unaware of how deeply you feel for her. Keep being polite and distant. You need to recover your feelings. Maybe if she seems super hurt and angry you can remind her why you're distancing yourself. Say something like. "You seem like you're really angry with me or upset. I'm not trying to make you mad or be rude. I tried to tell you before, I can't be friends with you right now, because we were getting close and now you have a new boyfriend. That's cool, I'm happy for you two, but I can't be just friends again so fast." But in your own words, whatever makes you comfortable. She may still be pouty that she can't have you right where she wants you but, I mean, you have feelings, she should be more sensitive!

 

One question: is her new boyfriend also a coworker? I would understand a person's reservations about dating a coworker but it depends on what the work atmosphere is like. It's a shame you've been friends for years and you like her but she doesn't want anything more. I'm worried that if this new boyfriend doesn't work out, this could happen again where you two get close and she never wants to make it official. She could keep stringing you along as her in-between-rebound guy. I think it's good you're showing her she can't do that to you.

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You sound jealous to me, why else would you have reacted to her finding a new guy if you werent jealous? Even if you dont think you are jealous she may see it that way.

 

No im not jealous people catch feeling when you find the other person attractive and spend time together,well I did.

 

I dont want to her about her boyfriend cause i feel like she rubbing in my face.

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No its not a coworker shes actually in a long distance relationship but she goes and visit him vice versa. She did mention something to me about me being on reverse if it doesnt work, i took it as a joke but now thinking about it she might be telling the truth.

 

Im just going to keep distance myself, she wants to talk and you can see it in her face and actions, she thought i was joking when i clear told her lets just do our jobs and keep distance. Like this whole week she been trying to just have a conversion.

 

I think she just missing the favors and how i treated her i put her on a golden plate.

 

She came up to me and said i want to quit this job cause of you... i told her lets just do our jobs thats all.

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OK, you know, it helps if we have a full picture of what's going on. How long has your friend been in this long-distance relationship? Did she meet this guy online?

 

It's starting to make sense now. You're her emotional friend that she uses as a crutch until she can see her long-distance boyfriend. And now you, her emotional friend, has cut her off and now she has no one in the real world to interact with. This is even more of a slap in the face to you that she picked some online stranger over you, her real life friend.

 

I think this is more of a reason to just cut her off and move on with your life. You were being used by her. Hey, you have your own problems, you don't need to hear about hers. Forget this girl and try to find someone else to invest your emotions in.

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OK, you know, it helps if we have a full picture of what's going on. How long has your friend been in this long-distance relationship? Did she meet this guy online?

 

It's starting to make sense now. You're her emotional friend that she uses as a crutch until she can see her long-distance boyfriend. And now you, her emotional friend, has cut her off and now she has no one in the real world to interact with. This is even more of a slap in the face to you that she picked some online stranger over you, her real life friend.

 

I think this is more of a reason to just cut her off and move on with your life. You were being used by her. Hey, you have your own problems, you don't need to hear about hers. Forget this girl and try to find someone else to invest your emotions in.

 

Yes its kinda a slap to my face ..but she has rights to date who she wants to date as I have rights to distances myself.

 

Shes known this guy for a while back in her country and i guess some how communicated and clicked then started a relationship.

 

Yes she used to ask so many damn favors and i told her one GD i do a lot for you dont you have a boyfriend when she was with the other guy, shes like thats what you do when you love someone(im like ).

 

I actually accepted that we were friends when she told me about the new guy, but then she started talking just like how shes going to get pregnant with the guy and she cant wait until she lives with him ....and this is one day i try “friend” i said this .... i’ll rather listen to the sound of my own voice..

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Yeah, this is the male-girlfriend zone...similar to the friendzone...but worse. You hear the same rubbish she tells all her friends about her latest bf.

 

It's fine to just act professional and if that nonsense starts, exit with 'got to get back to work'.

I actually accepted that we were friends when she told me about the new guy, but then she started talking just like how shes going to get pregnant with the guy and she cant wait until she lives with him ....

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Yuck! There's something wrong with this girl. Stay away from her.

 

Like yesterday she came to sit down right next to me knowning that i want space but let it slide she started small talking me not trying to be a answer her back, then she gets a call from the guy started talking... so i finish my lunch quick and left her there.. she got piss cause of that..

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you think since you put the time into it, you sort of are 'entitled' to it. Its as if you feel like its 'your turn now'. But thats not how women think. She might be a little pissed at you for thinking it is your turn now. Ive done this several times. It was never 'my turn'.

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Yuck! There's something wrong with this girl. Stay away from her.

Like yesterday she came to sit down right next to me knowning that i want space but let it slide she started small talking me not trying to be a answer her back, then she gets a call from the guy started talking... so i finish my lunch quick and left her there.. she got piss cause of that..

 

I avoided responding but come on!

 

The second a girl comes on this site and dares to say a man 'used' her for sex, theres at least 10 different posters correcting her and telling her she did what she did willingly. And I completely agree. Why is it different when a man tires to weasel his way in? He deserves empathy? I think not! He entered this with ulterior motives, he presented himself as a friend, how is she wrong for accepting him as an over eager friend? He offered her friendship she accepted, he is not entitled to ANYTHING else and to say otherwise is all kinds of wrong in my humble opinion

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Yeah, don't do all these favours and put a woman 'on a golden plate' just cause you've got the hots for her.

Now she expects you to jump for her, and she will use you as long as you allow it.

 

The one trying to weasle their way in with favours and gifts and the one willing to take anything given knowing they don't care for the other person are both equally distasteful in my book.

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It's not dumb...work is work...it's for a paycheck not for a date.

 

You mean people can't have self control during the work day? It was possible for me to work with lots of people (including loads of men) and I didn't start fancying any of them.

I kept business, business and my personal life after work.

 

It's not difficult in my book.

 

Reading this whole thread just goes to prove that trying to find dates during work turns it into a whole drama/crap show.

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