Moving overseas with my boyfriend

When I first started dating my boyfriend 10 months ago, I knew that he had intentions of moving to Canada at the end of this year for a working holiday - he said he had no intention of getting into a relationship due to this, but we just had an undeniable connection.

Fast forward a few months and we are madly in love, everything's great, by now we are living together and he invited me to come with him and I said yes.

We started planning it about 2 months ago and ever since then I've been somewhat anxious and stressed about the move and planning things (but still very excited) while he has also been stressed. As a result, we have been somewhat distant with each other, been in bad moods, snapping at each other and just not as close as before.

We discussed this 2 days ago ( which is 2 and bit weeks until we leave) when it became too much of an issue, put it down to the stress of the situation, and he said that while he still 100% loves me and wants to go to Canada with me still, he is unsure if things continue the way that they have been if he definitely sees a future together. He said that we just need to see how things go, get over there, start fresh and take it one day at a time.

I agreed with this but can't stop thinking about it. I am still very excited to move to Canada for my personal growth and life experience but I was just wondering if anyone thinks that our relationship has the possibility to get better again? It really seems like it will make or break us. We discussed what would happen if things ended over there briefly and decided we would figure that out if the situation arose. I am still so in love with him and desperately want things to get back to how they were but I'm scared of what could happen over there now. Is this all just the stress of packing up our place and organising everything and not spending enough time together? Help!

Don't move. 10 months isn't long and unless you're prepared tto develop your career regardless of what happens with him you should stay put. Never move your life for someone unless you're engaged to them.

Moving is stressful and it's common for couples to snap at each other. What's concerning is him not realizing this is temporary, and instead of having the mindset that you two will handle all of life's ups, downs, and plateaus, that he foresees throwing in the towel, and discussing that with you without fear of your reaction to that news.

I wouldn't continue on with anyone who didn't have 100 percent confidence in being with me.

I think what is more concerning is that your previous relationship of 3.5 years ended and you immediately jumped into a new relationship with this new guy. There wasn't even a small gap in between to give you time to get over a long term relationship. I think the writing is on the wall here - too much, too soon, imo.

Do you have to commit to the permanent move immediately or are you able to just travel for a month or so to Canada? An initial four or so weeks together would give you a better understanding of whether you are suitable in the long-term and whether you moving permanently to Canada is a good idea.

If it doesn't work out, you two will "figure it out"???

Will you be working? If you break up how will you buy food? Pay bills? Where would you live?

Not having a backup plan is a bad idea.

Do you have to commit to the permanent move immediately or are you able to just travel for a month or so to Canada? An initial four or so weeks together would give you a better understanding of whether you are suitable in the long-term and whether you moving permanently to Canada is a good idea.

I don't think the move is permanent but a working holiday, as she has said, and so common in the 20 somethings. No doubt they have a year or 2 visa.

An overseas working holiday as a couple is always a make or break situation. Couples with the strongest bonds at home have been torn apart when they realise all they have is each other.

Yes, you are anxious and excited at the same time about the move. It can be stressful packing up your life and heading overseas, that is part of the growing in yourself. But, there is a possibility that the relationship will collapse under the pressure, but I still think you should go. Just go with a plan should it happen.

This trip should be about you, your personal growth, and it just happens that you are doing it with a boyfriend. Don't make the trip about the two of you together. Boyfriends can come and go, but this opportunity to experience life away from home for an extended period of time and the growth you will gain from it, and you will grow from the experience, could be something that steers your life in the direction it is supposed to go. The possibilities are endless, don't hold back because of fear and don't make this relationship the stable platform you base life's choices on.

It's worrisome that under a little pressure, the relationship started having problems. It's not a good sign. As Capricorn3 said, you jumped out of one relationship right into another, so it might have been too soon. I think you should take advantage of the work visa to Canada, and if things don't work out, you can find a roommate situation and move out. By the way, bring warm clothing. It's going to be a cold winter.

but this happens all the time. If it doesnt work out, then it doesnt. Just go and do it. One time I took off traveling with a girl I had only started going with 6 weeks before. We did all right backpack traveling for half a year. We are not together anymore, but contact every so often online. What if we had freaked out about what might happen? And didnt do it? we just went ahead and did it. just go do it.

When I first started dating my boyfriend 10 months ago, I knew that he had intentions of moving to Canada at the end of this year for a working holiday - he said he had no intention of getting into a relationship due to this, .... he invited me to come with him and I said yes ... I agreed with this but can't stop thinking about it. I am still very excited to move to Canada for my personal growth and life experience

I'm not sure what the issue is here. He was upfront about this.

OK, you have some pre-move anxiety. This is normal.

If you really love him, get on that plane.

You don't want to die wondering.

How long does he plan to do this? What do you have there? A job? A uni spot? How will you support yourself? Will you have your own car, etc there? What are you leaving behind? At 10 mos in there is already quite a bit of stress and fighting. What happens if you follow him there adding even more stress to the situation?

10 months ago, I knew that he had intentions of moving to Canada at the end of this year for a working holiday. He said that we just need to see how things go, get over there, start fresh and take it one day at a time. I am still so in love with him and desperately want things to get back to how they were but I'm scared of what could happen over there now.

A relationship can only last if it’s got two people never giving up on it and working at it. No matter what location you are in. Him telling you that if it keeps going through this stress it won’t work should be an indicator he isn’t 100% in it.

It’s up to you to be 100% sure about going to Canada but not for him.

I am thinking this may be the equivalent of a man having "cold feet" just prior to getting married?

It's called ambivalence, and not all that uncommon when a couple is about to progress to a higher level of commitment, which moving to another country together would indicate.

OP, my advice would be to not freak out, and try to adjust to the changing nuances. If you begin to get panicky, believing he's not into it all the way just because he's nervous and questioning things a bit (ambivalence), that alone will cause him more anxiety, resulting in him becoming even more doubtful!

I actually think you should try and think more positively and go. Make a plan once you arrive in case things don't work out. But I think once you arrive and get settled in, things will calm down and you can begin your new life together.

Your call of course, but that is what I would do.