I have been discriminated against

I been at my job for over a year and been seeing a wonderful girl I ment there. Note that I'm a girl my self. We been seeing each other a year now and people just found out a few months ago. Well the other day we get called into the office cause I gave her a hug She was having a real bad day and looking like she was about to cry. I was told i can't hug her at work. Other Strighrt couples can hug and so can female friends. I feel thisis unfair. I also got told not to tell her I live her what should i do. Its all because a few people are homophobic

Do you have a Human Resources Dept where you work?

Soooo... in my opinion, it’s inappropriate to hug someone at the office. It doesn’t matter if you are straight, gay or friends - it’s just unprofessional and inappropriate. It’s just not a place for hugging.

As far as the “I love you’s“... I mean... that’s also inappropriate but if it’s quiet... it’s not something that can be seen across the room... but frankly, with a straight couple too, it would make me uncomfortable.

It’s the reason a lot of work places even have policies against inter office dating. All the PDAs and lovey-dovey stuff can be uncomfortable.

Do I think you were discriminated against? Possibly. Especially if they don’t enforce the same policies for everyone.

... but... I do think it’s the right policy for everyone.

Personally, what I would do would be to honor the request (because it’s not unreasonable) but complain to HR if you see others engaging in hugging, etc - because THAT is unfair (and illegal?) for others to be treated differently.

There are some cultures where hugging is viewed as being too personal and intimate. Not everyone wants to be touched. I discovered this while traveling in an Asian country to visit my in-laws. This is why you never hug a person when you are at work. Always act professional.

I also got told not to tell her I live her what should i do.

Use professional language. You are there to obtain a paycheck by being civil, not to make friends.

No, you were not discriminated against.

Right, agree with the others.

Gay, straight, bi, doesn't matter. Keep your personal life out of the office.

Quit hugging, telling each other you love each other, making goo goo eyes. Just get to work, and do all that when you get home.

And yes, I feel the exact same way towards straight couples. I know several where I work, and most of them act so professional, it took me years to even realize they were a couple. Learn from them.

Right, agree with the others.

 

Gay, straight, bi, doesn't matter. Keep your personal life out of the office.

 

Quit hugging, telling each other you love each other, making goo goo eyes. Just get to work, and do all that when you get home.

 

And yes, I feel the exact same way towards straight couples..

I second this post. You shouldn't be romancing at the office in the first place. You are there to work. Nothing to do with being gay or straight - it's across the board.

It's unprofessional to display your relationship for all to see replete with hugs, I love yous, etc. Keep the romance at home. Company policies are different than discrimination.

Decide whether you would rather have a job/paycheck or make everyone uncomfortable blowing kisses at each other during work, when you are supposed to be working, not romancing. Being professional has nothing to do with homophobia. Stop trying to make some sort of political statement out of a simple policy of not being over the top at work.

been seeing a wonderful girl I ment there. Well the other day we get called into the office cause I gave her a hug. I also got told not to tell her I live her what should i do.

I agree with all. When my husband and I dated at work we only acknowledged each other professionally if we happened to run into each other in the office. If we were outside of work I didn't mind if people saw us out on dates, etc - that's my personal life. Never had an issue but we didn't work together on anything, just worked for the same company.

So I'll give you an example of how careful I think we all have to be these days as far as personal space. I needed a secretary's assistance the other day. We've worked together a few times but not much. Certainly no personal relationship. I am short and her cubicle wall is high and I barely clear it -and it was awkward to talk to her over it and I also couldn't show her my papers I needed help with. But because of the world we live in I asked politely if it was ok if I came around to the other side -the open side -to show her my work. Because then I'd basically be standing closer to her and sort of over her. Years ago it never would have occurred to me to ask first but in an abundance of caution I think it's wise to ask before coming closer to someone's personal space especially if you're going to be standing over them.

No, I would not want to see people who are dating hugging each other at work. At an office party or bridal shower -hug the bride to be, etc -sure! But not during work time. Nothing to do with gay or straight either. Or being gushy. It's distracting -positive but distracting because it's unprofessional. If you see a coworker having a bad day/crying it's ok to approach discreetly if he/she knows you, and simply say "if I can help let me know" and leave it at that.

I wouldn't bring PDA onto my job no matter who I work for. That aside, if you believe that you have a case, consult your government agency that files such reports, and file your report.

Stop trying to make some sort of political statement out of a simple policy of not being over the top at work.

No offense... and I get where you are coming from.... but sometimes the advice on here can be so harsh! Lol!

I doubt that the OP was trying to make a political statement. And I’m sure her experience was real... There have been studies and just as a black person is more likely to get picked up for shoplifting than a white person doing the same thing and just as someone driving a sports car is more likely to get pulled over for speeding than someone else... there could most certainly have been an element of homophobia in why this incident was reported whereas other incidents may not have been.

That doesn’t mean that people should all equally be able to go around stealing or speeding or in this case hugging (lol!)... but i don’t think we should invalidate her feelings of being picked on.

... but the fact remains that it was inappropriate, IMO.

Just wanted to throw that in.

The first thing I would do is review the companies policies.

Also, you do not know if other couples have been brought into the office and asked to tone it down. Generally it's not something that is announced to the whole crew.

I'd personally feel super uncomfortable in a workplace that had a lot of hugging and couples telling each other 'I love you' and all that at work.

just as someone driving a sports car is more likely to get pulled over for speeding than someone else...

As a sports car owner, I disagree. People buy those cars FOR speed. And the times I’ve been pulled over (twice) was because I committed a traffic violation and deserved it.

As a sports car owner, I disagree. People buy those cars FOR speed. And the times I’ve been pulled over (twice) was because I committed a traffic violation and deserved it.

What does that have to do with unfair treatment of minorities?

Geez guys, I don’t think it’s unfair to tell them to stop either but the invalidating...