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Thread: Feeling like I need to let my hair down.

  1. #1
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    Feeling like I need to let my hair down.

    For the last few years (especially since my break up 1.5yrs ago) Iíve been feeling increasingly boring, frumpy and like I am very serious compared to how I was when younger. I used to feel sexy and be flirtatious, now I avoid that kind of interaction even with my good friends. My friends recently have expressed concerns that Iím not myself. Iíve been feeling down at work and feeling disconnected from others.

    I used to be a little wild and impulsive and loud but that would exacerbate my anxiety, if I spent too much or worried that I had been too exuberant so I dampened it, I wanted to feel stable. Now I feel stable but miserable. I can remember the last time I enjoyed myself but I really canít recall the last time I had fun. I think Iíve forhotten. My good friends have had children and partying doesnít appeal anymore. I need to get my mojo back, but how? I have been so focussed on self improvement and making sure I stay safe and stable without setting off my anxiety, I think Iíve forgotten how to have fun. I almost feel like I darent let loose in case I go overboard and that sends me off the rails.

    Any suggestions? What can I do to just let go and find my old self?

  2. #2
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    Take a dance class or an improv class.

  3. #3

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    I know this may sound... impulsive? Trashy? But have you tried dating sites? When I got divorced, I joined a dating site. I went on a few dates with amazing people. It was so fun and a great way to meet new people. You could also try workout classes, cooking classes, or any group activity that your city might offer.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    For some reason, this is a tough question to answer.

    Why/how did you start getting uptight? Are you deliberately doing the opposite of what you want to do?

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  6. #5
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    The improv class sounds like hell but there is a local pole dancing studio that Iím waiting for a beginners course that doesnít clash with my schedule. If that doesnít make me feel vibrant again then Iím not sure what will!

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Meg3500
    I know this may sound... impulsive? Trashy? But have you tried dating sites? When I got divorced, I joined a dating site. I went on a few dates with amazing people. It was so fun and a great way to meet new people. You could also try workout classes, cooking classes, or any group activity that your city might offer.
    Hi Meg, I do keep trying dating sites but tbh I just donít find meeting people off the internet fun or exciting. The last meeting I had with someone from a dating site made me feel physically sick lol. I have made a few friends on there though and I have arranged to go for cocktails with one friend and be her wingman and (attempt to) flirt. I have also suggested speed dating to her as well. Might have a go at that.

    I do a the occasional group or social activity and yes they are enjoyable but I wouldnít describe them as fun. I just want to be a little wild and spontaneous but I donít really have many friends locally and the ones I do have are relatively new and donít have much spare time. Maybe I ought to see if they have a wild side?
    Last edited by thornz; 10-11-2018 at 01:05 PM. Reason: Missed a bit

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    For some reason, this is a tough question to answer.

    Why/how did you start getting uptight? Are you deliberately doing the opposite of what you want to do?
    It started because I was sick of being treated like rubbish by men and also exacerbating my anxiety with impulsive and wreckless behaviour. Some of it is deliberate i.e not spending lots money on loads of lingerie, sexy clothes, make up, cars, new hobbies I will get bored of after 2 weeks, not driving fast, trying to behave sensible, doing my coursework, not drinking, not kissing strangers.

    Some of it has developed over years of being socially isolated and allowing myself to be treated badly, I feel self conscious and awkward, even around good friends sometimes, Iíve lost the good feelings that occur due to romantic or sexual interaction, in fact my response to that kind of attention is predominantly negative, due to this I canít flirt, I used to absolutely buzz off social interaction and flirtatious behaviour and now I find it hard work or even makes me feel ill.

    So, yes I feel more stable, my behaviour is responsible but I just feel like something is severely lacking. I donít feel alive!!! I feel like Iím just cruising through life with no excitement really. I do often try things that push my boundaries but itís usually stuff I find scary more than exciting for example bouldering or scrambling. I have a terrible fear of heights. Man. I just feel bored but itís not for lack of getting out there and trying new things.

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    Buy a jersey for a local sports team and either attend a game or go watch at a sports bar. If you want to meet men I guarantee you will. Or go to car shows.

    If you want to do something adventurous take acting or public speaking classes or go zip lining or take a racing car lesson.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Buy a jersey for a local sports team and either attend a game or go watch at a sports bar. If you want to meet men I guarantee you will. Or go to car shows.

    If you want to do something adventurous take acting or public speaking classes or go zip lining or take a racing car lesson.
    Got zero issues meeting men, I Marshall and compete in plenty of car events as well as attending car shows and being a member of a motor club. Pretty much all of my interests are male dominated, as is my job.

    Acting and public speaking are not my idea of fun and Iím terrified of heights so the zip line is a no go. I would love to do something like a drifting lesson or a track day because I do the road rally stuff that means you have to be sensible ☹️

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    Some of it has developed over years of being socially isolated and allowing myself to be treated badly, I feel self conscious and awkward, even around good friends sometimes, Iíve lost the good feelings that occur due to romantic or sexual interaction, in fact my response to that kind of attention is predominantly negative, due to this I canít flirt, I used to absolutely buzz off social interaction and flirtatious behaviour and now I find it hard work or even makes me feel ill.
    Do you think it is possible that when you were behaving impulsively and recklessly in the past, you did it to cope with these feelings of isolation, self consciousness, and awkwardness?

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