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Thread: Feeling like I need to let my hair down.

  1. #11
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    Feeling like I need to let my hair down.

    Originally Posted by thornz
    It started because I was sick of being treated like rubbish by men and also exacerbating my anxiety with impulsive and wreckless behaviour. Some of it is deliberate i.e not spending lots money on loads of lingerie, sexy clothes, make up, cars, new hobbies I will get bored of after 2 weeks, not driving fast, trying to behave sensible, doing my coursework, not drinking, not kissing strangers.

    Some of it has developed over years of being socially isolated and allowing myself to be treated badly, I feel self conscious and awkward, even around good friends sometimes, Iíve lost the good feelings that occur due to romantic or sexual interaction, in fact my response to that kind of attention is predominantly negative, due to this I canít flirt, I used to absolutely buzz off social interaction and flirtatious behaviour and now I find it hard work or even makes me feel ill.

    So, yes I feel more stable, my behaviour is responsible but I just feel like something is severely lacking. I donít feel alive!!! I feel like Iím just cruising through life with no excitement really. I do often try things that push my boundaries but itís usually stuff I find scary more than exciting for example bouldering or scrambling. I have a terrible fear of heights. Man. I just feel bored but itís not for lack of getting out there and trying new things.
    I understand you so much. I used to be wild WAAAAAYYY more spontaneous, flirty, and I crave feeling sexy again. I worked odd jobs like I worked for a landscaping company, as a waitress at a diner, and as a bartender. I love trying new things and meeting people that are risky and are just down for whatever...however, I think that being wild and spontaneous was a way of dealing with my weirdness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation.

    At one point in my life, I got ďtiredĒ and felt I was ďtoo muchĒ but now I feel deprived. I think either way being more settled or wild there needs to be balance. Like safety and stability is cool but itís okay to let loose and do you really want to do

  2. #12
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    I get the sense you donít actually want specific suggestions that you have to implement but rather want someone to tell you Of some passive magic wand way to feel more excitement even though youíre not actually doing things to get out of your comfort zone. One of my friends joined toastmasters to get over her fear of public speaking. Takes a lot of effort but she is blossoming. Another runs marathons.
    For me I find when I shake up my routine some it energizes me like I am doing next week by volunteering at a time that isnít too convenient for me and involves some juggling to make it work. But I donít let myself get stuck in a rut and make excuses.
    Rather than contemplating your navel and getting all abstract about why you feel a certain way stop among excuses and fake it till you make it. Take action and the feelings will follow. Sort of like when you force yourself to start a workout because you know once you start moving youíll get into it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this from the stabilizing effect of the medication for the bipolar disorder? Many people complain of feeling "flat" when the mood stabilizers help them maintain more even keeled lives without the crazy ups and downs.

    They miss the energy, reckless abandon and hedonism of manic episodes. That's often when they abandon treatment...very similar to the "flat" state you are in now missing "the excitement". Make sure you discuss this with the therapist and your doctor. It could be a prodrome to another episode of mood swings.
    Originally Posted by thornz
    I feel more stable, my behaviour is responsible but I just feel like something is severely lacking. I donít feel alive!!! I feel like Iím just cruising through life with no excitement really.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Do you think it is possible that when you were behaving impulsively and recklessly in the past, you did it to cope with these feelings of isolation, self consciousness, and awkwardness?
    Ooohhhh Jibralta! These are very good questions! I was most impulsive and wreckless when I was a teenager and then I had an active social life, lots of friends/aquaintamces and was forward and outgoing. I never really felt connected though, i just always had lots to do and people to see.

    I think my wreckless behaviour was to cope with my erratic moods.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Buzzy127128
    I understand you so much. I used to be wild WAAAAAYYY more spontaneous, flirty, and I crave feeling sexy again. I worked odd jobs like I worked for a landscaping company, as a waitress at a diner, and as a bartender. I love trying new things and meeting people that are risky and are just down for whatever...however, I think that being wild and spontaneous was a way of dealing with my weirdness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation.

    At one point in my life, I got ďtiredĒ and felt I was ďtoo muchĒ but now I feel deprived. I think either way being more settled or wild there needs to be balance. Like safety and stability is cool but itís okay to let loose and do you really want to do
    Yes Iím looking for balance, thatís why I asked for suggestions as most of the stuff I can think of is, well just not very smart. I have no idea what kind of spontaneous fun you can have thatís not going to end up in jail or hospital lol

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I get the sense you donít actually want specific suggestions that you have to implement but rather want someone to tell you Of some passive magic wand way to feel more excitement even though youíre not actually doing things to get out of your comfort zone. One of my friends joined toastmasters to get over her fear of public speaking. Takes a lot of effort but she is blossoming. Another runs marathons.
    For me I find when I shake up my routine some it energizes me like I am doing next week by volunteering at a time that isnít too convenient for me and involves some juggling to make it work. But I donít let myself get stuck in a rut and make excuses.
    Rather than contemplating your navel and getting all abstract about why you feel a certain way stop among excuses and fake it till you make it. Take action and the feelings will follow. Sort of like when you force yourself to start a workout because you know once you start moving youíll get into it.
    Quite the opposite actually, I do many things that challenge me and get me out of my comfort zone. I donít find it invigorating though, itís exhausting and I need some things to do, just for fun. No agenda, no trying to improve myself or get over my fears or grow. I do enough of that crap and Iím bored of it.

    I want to just go and do something fun with people who want to have a good time, for no real reason. So far the few things Iíve come up with that arenít illegal or dangerous are too expensive or clash with my current schedule. Iím going out with a new friend next Saturday, time to get drunk and let off some steam!

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is this from the stabilizing effect of the medication for the bipolar disorder? Many people complain of feeling "flat" when the mood stabilizers help them maintain more even keeled lives without the crazy ups and downs.

    They miss the energy, reckless abandon and hedonism of manic episodes. That's often when they abandon treatment...very similar to the "flat" state you are in now missing "the excitement". Make sure you discuss this with the therapist and your doctor. It could be a prodrome to another episode of mood swings.
    Iíve been off medication for a while but unlike previous times Iíve come off it, there hasnít been a return to my old self. The meds make me feel like a zombie, there are no highs or lows, just monotony, which is nice in a way and comfortable but I do need some excitement. I donít think have bipolar disorder, I think I have BPD and my therapist has recommended I be assessed for ASD and Dissociation something or other.

    I do feel flat and I do miss the highs but I know they worsen the lows. I discussed this with my therapist last night and we concluded Iím feeling this way due to suppressing my true self and aspects of my personality in order to remain stable and to feel more secure in my job or in my relationships etc.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    Quite the opposite actually, I do many things that challenge me and get me out of my comfort zone. I donít find it invigorating though, itís exhausting and I need some things to do, just for fun. No agenda, no trying to improve myself or get over my fears or grow. I do enough of that crap and Iím bored of it.

    I want to just go and do something fun with people who want to have a good time, for no real reason. So far the few things Iíve come up with that arenít illegal or dangerous are too expensive or clash with my current schedule. Iím going out with a new friend next Saturday, time to get drunk and let off some steam!
    So it kind of begs the question -what do you find fun? And forgive me -your question was very broad and then followed by explaining why most of the suggestions given would not work for you. If something clashes with your current schedule I'd reconsider your current schedule if you need to let your hair down as you say. Have fun getting drunk. I think that will do the opposite of what you say you want but likely will be fun in the moment!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    So it kind of begs the question -what do you find fun? And forgive me -your question was very broad and then followed by explaining why most of the suggestions given would not work for you. If something clashes with your current schedule I'd reconsider your current schedule if you need to let your hair down as you say. Have fun getting drunk. I think that will do the opposite of what you say you want but likely will be fun in the moment!
    Thatís the problem, beyond the wreckless behaviour of my youth and being wild with friends, Iím really not too sure. Iím looking for healthier more responsible outlets.

    I am feeling a bit better today after listening to some of my favourite old music, putting on makeup and having a bit of retail therapy.

    I used to be crude and flirtatious and that would give me so much joy but I packed that in cos people tend to not be able to distinguish that much of what I say is a joke. Iím just so serious and boring now.

    My schedule canít be changed, Tuesdays are uni tutorials and Thursdays are therapy. Not willing to miss either of those. Those are the next two pole dancing beginner courses so I will have to wait til the next one and hope itís on a better day for me. I really think that will be fun and hopefully Iíll make some friends too.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    Thatís the problem, beyond the wreckless behaviour of my youth and being wild with friends, Iím really not too sure. Iím looking for healthier more responsible outlets.

    I am feeling a bit better today after listening to some of my favourite old music, putting on makeup and having a bit of retail therapy.

    I used to be crude and flirtatious and that would give me so much joy but I packed that in cos people tend to not be able to distinguish that much of what I say is a joke. Iím just so serious and boring now.

    My schedule canít be changed, Tuesdays are uni tutorials and Thursdays are therapy. Not willing to miss either of those. Those are the next two pole dancing beginner courses so I will have to wait til the next one and hope itís on a better day for me. I really think that will be fun and hopefully Iíll make some friends too.
    I really like that you went back to basics to have fun -makeup and retail therapy!

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