Stress and Toxicity

So my relationship is a fing shishow. I got together with my girlfriend just over a year ago, but we were friends before that for a few years. Since then, we've broken up 3 times and just got back together for the 4th. It's been her doing every time. She'll break up with me and come back later saying "I miss you." and we get back together because I'm an emotional mess that can't let her go.

Now on to why. From her perspective, and from what she's said over the multiple break ups, I'm too clingy. But I don't see it that way. I feel that I'm being neglected. I'll try to give an unbiased description here of how it's been going. Recently, we've been chatting and actually having a really good time, and but it just stops. She'll disappear for 15 minutes, just playing her games, and if i text for example saying hey where'd you go, she gets mad at me and tells me not to be an ass. And then we fight over whether I'm being clingy or if she's being distant. Just Yesterday i tried talking to her multiple times and she'd just reply with "sorry im busy with x game". all. ing. day.

Now I'm super stressed out from school and work. To the point that i relapsed into cutting again. i tried telling her this and she would still reply with "sorry playing this game". I of course get mad because why the would you say "sorry im playing fortnite" when i tell you that ive been having a breakdown all day and that i was cutting myself.

I don't know what she want's from me anymore. She says she loves me but she cant seem to actually care. If anything annoys her she goes back to to ignoring me or telling me to off. I just dont know anymore. I enjoy being with her and i have no idea what she feels for me. She went through the effort of asking to get together 5 times, and i seriously love her for that cause im too much of a to do that, but yet she cant seem to do anything but get mad at me.

I just dont. Between school and work I barely have any time to myself. , I barely even have time for my homework, im up typing a paper at 1:36 in the morning thats due today. I'm so ing stressed. And when she makes it seem like she could care less about me, well that's no good. She's so stubborn too. Just moments ago she got mad because she doesn't like that im degrading myself. I responded that, i actually fing hate myself. thats the truth. i really do. she just got more pissed and told me to "shut the f up for the night".

She's told me she loves me, and i love her too. its stupid how much i love her. is it wrong to love her? does she really love me? it hurts. everything in my head hurts. im scared to think anymore.

basically, i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know what she wants, i try to communicate and she tells me to off. im really close to fing offing myself.

To make it a bit easier to understand, everything's 1s and 0s. One moment im the happiest person alive because we're enjoying ourselves, and the next she's telling me to f off and that she hates that i hate myself. One moment she could be begging for me to hold her or take her back, and the next she's ignoring me. Everything is so confusing right now and my natural reaction is to shut down and hurt myself, which generally worsens our arguments because by then im extremely emotional.

This whole dynamic is toxic on both sides. Her with the verbal abuse, then you with the self harm and suicidal thoughts. It's hard for me to evaluate if you are in fact clingy or not, but I do know this is not a good situation you are in. You need to remove yourself from it and get serious help.

Whether you two are bad together, if you are clingy, etc. is irrelevant. The only thing that is important is your well being. You are not well, so I advise for you to check yourself into a hospital, speak to a counselor at your school or elsewhere. Before you continue any relationship, you need to develop better coping methods and be mentally fit enough in order to withstand life in general first. You deserve to be happy and surround yourself with people who truly love you, remember that. Contact your close family and friends during this time.

Yatsue is exactly right.

For whatever reason, in our society, we tend to think of mental health differently than physical health. We shouldn’t. It’s just a different part of the body that is affected.

Let me give you an analogy.

If I came to you with a big gaping wound on my arm, at first you will be very supportive. You will find me bandaids, and bandages and listen to me talk about the pain and get me some anti-bacterial cream. But I need a doctor. If I don’t go to the doctor, you will keep trying to help me... but over time, that help will dwindle. It’s not that they don’t love you. It’s that they aren’t a doctor. There is only so much they can do and the help will be never-ending until you see a doctor.

I don’t think you are clingy. I think you are legitimately seeking help for a problem that you have (a big gaping wound) - and it’s awesome that you are speaking up and seeking help. Seriously. That’s half the battle. But... I think you need to direct at least some of that to someone who is qualified to help. Otherwise, you’ll stay stuck in the same loop.

I think it’s really hard to evaluate your relationship while these factors are present. You can’t have a healthy relationship when you are in an unhealthy place and while you don’t love yourself. I’m not just talking about your role in the relationship - but if you aren’t in a healthy place, it’s also hard to know what you want, to stand up for yourself, etc.

Your top priority HAS to be yourself. That’s where it begins - with or without her (or even with someone else).

I really hope you find the strength and courage to seek the help that you need, from the people qualified to help. I know it’s hard due to the stigma we still have in our society - no one really wants to seek councilling and they want to try to do it on their own - but honestly, life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy place for too long. The sooner you get qualified help, the sooner you can move on to happier and healthier things.

Have you met in person? Is this a same sex relationship that is not out? Why are you continuing with it, when it seems stressful and unrewarding to you?

Focus on yourself, your health, your school and your work. See a doctor about the cutting and anxiety. A gf can't help you with that. It's your choice and action to cut in response to a bad relationship and stress and not get appropriate help.

Don't manipulate anyone with blaming them for your cutting, anxiety, depression, stress and choice to a continue in an unhealthy situation that you don't respect or like. Get to a doctor and therapist.

So my relationship is a fing shishow. i relapsed into cutting again. i tried telling her this and she would still reply with "sorry playing this game". I of course get mad because why the would you say "sorry im playing fortnite" when i tell you that ive been having a breakdown all day and that i was cutting myself.

basically, i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know what she wants, i try to communicate and she tells me to off. im really close to fing offing myself.

She's not a good partner for you. She triggers you and you need to distance yourself from her for good. She can't handle your emotional response to her ignoring you, she's addicted to gaming, she's not the girl you were meant to spend the rest of your life with so end the drama now and rely on your psychologist to help you through the break up and end you allowing her to hoover you back for more of the dysfunctional relating the two of you have been doing.

If you're not already seeing a therapist then please go to your school's psychology department and book yourself into getting sessions started...Your tuition should cover the cost.

It's over. we broke up. we talked it out and apparently she is going through some things and is confused about her sexuality. Basically, she went gay.

I'm just so confused and hurt. why would she go through the effort of breaking up and getting back together? Why would we be comfortable one day, even sending nudes, and then 2 days later she isn't attracted?

I don't know what's going on anymore. I understand being gay, im bi, but why so suddenly and so soon. She barely asked to get together a week ago and we were perfect, and out of nowhere it's done. i knew about her being bi when we got together a year ago, hell i knew before when we were just friends. but out of nowhere it just hits, and im not for her. to just be done after struggling for over a year, it hurts. so much.

It hurts. I hate to see her go. She was everything to me and it was ripped away. i feel hurt, betrayed, and fing worthless. i dont know what to do with my life at this point

Wait a minute. Is this the same girl you wrote about who you would see in class but she would never hang out with you? (https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547186&p=6957609#post6957609) This isn't a real relationship! You need to find someone who actually wants to go out with you. She's just a classmate. She's not a girlfriend. Move on.

This relationship was not meant to least, OP. She isn't mature enough, and you are not in a healthy emotional place. It was toxic.

You two weren't perfect a week ago, and this break-up didn't come out of nowhere. You had broken up three times, she's been callous and distant and dismissive. You need to take off those rose-coloured glasses and see this for what it was: a dysfunctional relationship that wasn't going to work.

Now is the time to speak to a trusted family member or friend who can truly help you, as you very much need it. This girl isn't your everything, she was a crutch for your self-esteem. It's going to be better that she is not in your life. Please, do seek help. You deserve to be well again.

Yeah, she's the same girl. same one from all my posts i think. One moment we'll be happy together, and yes we would actually spend time together recently. but it's over now. i talked to her, she just doesn't want to being a relationship in general. at this point she's probably just making up excuses so i don't feel as bad.

Anyways, it's done now. It hurts because she was so special to me. a year ago we were always there for each other and would constantly spend as much time together as we could, and we did that before when we were just friends too. I don't know why it had to get so complicated. its a lot for me right now, going through this again.

It's over. we broke up. we talked it out and apparently she is going through some things and is confused about her sexuality. Basically, she went gay.

I'm just so confused and hurt. why would she go through the effort of breaking up and getting back together? Why would we be comfortable one day, even sending nudes, and then 2 days later she isn't attracted?

I don't know what's going on anymore. I understand being gay, im bi, but why so suddenly and so soon. She barely asked to get together a week ago and we were perfect, and out of nowhere it's done. i knew about her being bi when we got together a year ago, hell i knew before when we were just friends. but out of nowhere it just hits, and im not for her. to just be done after struggling for over a year, it hurts. so much.

It hurts. I hate to see her go. She was everything to me and it was ripped away. i feel hurt, betrayed, and fing worthless. i dont know what to do with my life at this point

Be glad she's gone because she was never a loving and supportive partner to you. You only still have in her your life because you're addicted to her BS and you kept taking her back after she dumped you.

There is a far better woman out there for you *Mom used to say every pot has a lid* so work on yourself and getting your head-space in the right place and forget about chicks for the time being. The remorse, guilt, pain and fear will pass but you must work on it with a good therapist who you gel with.

Good luck... be grateful for her leaving... now block and delete her from all means of contact so you can rehab from your addiction to her.