Advice

Many years ago I had to make a choice with my life and where i was going to go. I had to leave Florida for two reasons. If i didn't I was going to end up dead or in prison. So I moved to central Texas where I knew no one got my life together and became a better person than I was. Now many years later and lots of attempts to contact my daughters this past feb. 2018 I talked to my oldest who is now 30 y/o. She made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with me as well as her sister. She based this on all the bad things her mother said about me over the years. I tried to explain to her why I left. But she didn't want to hear it. I swore years ago I would never have another child because I didn't want them to think i was replacing them. I'm 54 y/o now so I've been gone 24 years. My girls don't know how much I miss them and how I want to be a part of their lives.

Now I've been thinking about filing with the courts because in the divorce I was granted the right to see my children. Yet their mother wouldn't let me see them. She wouldn't even let my mother who is now passed away even see them. Keep in mind this was when they were young. If I file in the court I will I'm sure stur up a storm. I don't want that but I do want the courts to know what she has done. So I wrote a letter to the courts and well they did nothing other than put it in the file.

What do I do? I'm here alone I have no friends or family here. I work and come home that's it. I tried to befriend my co workers but they have their own families so It doesn't work out too well for me.

I can't understand what would have prevented you from reaching out to them in that time period. Also, you did not have to move so far away and make zero attempt to visit.

I can understand their position. Show them respect and leave them be. Enough damage has been done. It's not always about you. Twenty four years. Unbelievable! Selfish!

I can't understand what would have prevented you from reaching out to them in that time period. Also, you did not have to move so far away and make zero attempt to visit.

 

I can understand their position. Show them respect and leave them be. Enough damage has been done. It's not always about you.

I guess you missed the part about years of trying to reach out to them?

Imo, filing in court at this point is pointless. It might have made a difference when your children were young but at this point it is too late. They are adults and unfortunately they grew up with an absent father, which most people would have great difficulty forgiving. Sadly, you cannot undo the past.

You could keep sending letters apologizing for leaving them and asking for their forgiveness. You could also try explaining that you were not allowed to see them (however, it sounds like you could have done more of an effort back then). It sounds like you did try to explain this to your daughter and she did not believe you/felt that you didn't try hard enough. Still, apologizing for leaving and then respecting their wishes might help them forgive you in time.

Regarding your current loneliness, one good way to feel better would be volunteering for a good cause. Spend some of your free time helping the less fortunate or whatever cause you deem worthy. Chances are that you will meet some new people and you may become friends with some.

I guess you missed the part about years of trying to reach out them?

Why didn't you take legal action? Why would you move so far?

I had to leave Florida for two reasons. If i didn't I was going to end up dead or in prison

What was that all about? You clearly left because of what you were doing. Don't blame that on their mother. Filing anything in court right now would be a total waste of time.

Being away from your children's lives for 24 years and then suddenly pitching up and expecting to carry on as if you never left will never cut it (for them). The damage is done and too deep. They were maybe 4-6 years old when you disappeared out of their lives? They never HAD a father. If they don't want to see you then respect their wishes.

Wow, man. You did the same thing my dad did. show up 25 years later and think we are going to take you into our loving arms? Get real. Your kids dont need you for anything at all. I was like 4 when my dad left my life, then he shows up when Im like 35 and thinks he is going to be my dad. your a weird stranger to them. move on with your own life and leave them alone. They dont want you.

Agree. This is your only recourse with adult kids. Don't make excuses, blame their mother, etc. Just start sending nice and sincere cards on holidays birthdays, etc. They will either keep ignoring you or someday maybe let you in.

filing in court at this point is pointless. You could keep sending letters apologizing for leaving them and asking for their forgiveness.

Now I've been thinking about filing with the courts because in the divorce I was granted the right to see my children. So I wrote a letter to the courts and well they did nothing other than put it in the file.

Once your kids turned 18, they were adults and could do what they wanted. Family court no longer had any jurisdiction over the issue. Do you think the court is going to grant you custody or force your kids to meet with you? Sorry. The case is closed. You should move on with your life.

Well I guess I need to find someone to give my life insurance too? it isn't much just 175.000 each. The court thing I guess I wasn't clear enough on. I was going to take the mother to court for contempt of court. I know the courts can't force grow children. But the record needs to set straight.

Well I guess I need to find someone to give my life insurance too? it isn't much just 175.000 each. The court thing I guess I wasn't clear enough on. I was going to take the mother to court for contempt of court. I know the courts can't force grow children. But the record needs to set straight.

What you seem to forget is that YOU left them all of your own accord - essentially walked out and abandoned them. That's on YOU, not your wife. I doubt you'll have any luck in court with this one.

What you seem to forget is that YOU left them all of your own accord - essentially walked out and abandoned them. That's on YOU, not your wife. I doubt you'll have any luck in court with this one.

Yea I left because I did not want to end up dead. Or in prison.....

It's all good.

No offense dude. I'm sure you think that's deep, but I'm sure your daughters think that's a lame excuse.

No offense dude. I'm sure you think that's deep, but I'm sure your daughters think that's a lame excuse.

You must have never sat in a jail cell, I have and it wasn't fun

So did you see the part where I said that your daughters probably think that's a lame excuse?

I guess I'm confused how it's the mother's fault that you chose to be involved (in whatever way) in activities or associations that could result in either death or prison. And how a court is supposed to do something about it 24 years later. Wouldn't you have to reveal what you were involved in that had you believing you needed to move away for so many years?

I guess I'm confused how it's the mother's fault that you chose to be involved (in whatever way) in activities or associations that could result in either death or prison. And how a court is supposed to do something about it 24 years later. Wouldn't you have to reveal what you were involved in that had you believing you needed to move away for so many years?

Sure I'll tell ya. I was in and out of jail for stupid driving charges. Like driving without a DL. So many time I got a five year suspension and considered a habitual offender. Than alone would have landed me in prison if I kept getting busted for what I call a lame charge. DWLS.

Oh and then the group pf people and my lifestyle back then wasn't the best. That was the biggest reason to get away. Does anyone here on this forum happen to live in Florida currently? I know their is a huge drug problem now. Like heroin and fentanyl. That's just the tip of the ice burg.

I guess I'm confused how it's the mother's fault that you chose to be involved (in whatever way) in activities or associations that could result in either death or prison. And how a court is supposed to do something about it 24 years later. Wouldn't you have to reveal what you were involved in that had you believing you needed to move away for so many years?

The court ordered that I was allowed to see my children when they were young. She didn't allow me or my family to see them. That's a violation of the court order of visitation.

The court ordered that I was allowed to see my children when they were young. She didn't allow me or my family to see them. That's a violation of the court order of visitation.

Why didn't you do anything then?