What the heck

Ten years ago, my husband racked up $30,000 in credit card bills. He said we couldn't make ends meet. I forgave him and we remortgaged. Now he has racked up $40,000 on credit cards because we can't make ends meet. Clearly he has an online gambling problem (that we haven't talked about yet). He's totally remorseful and in 2 days we have an appointment with a therapist.

Is this divorce-worthy?

How do you know he has an online gambling problem if you haven't talked about it? I gather you have seen other evidence that this is where all the money is going, necessitating the use of credit cards to cover expenses?

If so, he will need more than a marriage counselor. He will also need professional help in sorting out his addiction or this will happen again and again.

As for whether this is divorce-worthy, only you can decide that. Personally, I would have a very hard time staying with some so irresponsible and untrustworthy. How long have you been married? Do you work? Does he?

It's divorce-worthy if you think it is. I agree he needs help with his gambling addiction, there is such a thing as Gamblers Anonymous. A therapist is a good place to start. In the meantime make him hand over his credit cards.

Do you see his credit card statements? Did you not insist on seeing his credit card statements after you discovered the first debt? I'm wondering how you would not have insisted he cut up his credit card at that first $30,000. How is it he racked up another $40,000? Did you not see the amount rising up again or did he hide all of this from you somehow?

Your opening post doesn't say how you know he has a gambling addiction.

As for divorcing him? That's up to you but I for sure would be seeing a lawyer to find out just how much of that debt is MY responsibility before I did a thing. Do you work? If not, why wouldn't you get a job since his excuse for the debt was because he couldn't make ends meet?

Well, if you're looking for an excuse to divorce him, sure, you can use this one. If you want to help him, get him hooked up with Gambler's Anonymous, take his credit cards away, and have him deposit his pay into your bank account and put him on an allowance. Luckily with credit card debt, the debt is only on the person whose card it's on, and it's non-secured debt, so it's more difficult to collect and it won't affect you that much. You shouldn't have refinanced the mortgage because that turned it into secured debt. And you also should have negotiated down the amount owed to half. Don't do that again. You'll lose the house if he keeps this up. But see if you can get him help.

How was he able to put you 40 more in the hole? I have so many questions. Hope you come back OPer.

My ex embezzled and racked up $75k in debt. Two separate incidents. We went to therapy together and separately after the embezzlement came out. (And I only found out because I was getting weird vibes and snooped. That probably should have been a red flag. One of many.) I thought we had gotten through it and were doing ok. Then I found about about the debt. Again, not because he told me but snooping. He had 10 credit cards, all of which he had taken out without my knowledge. He had them all sent to his office so I never even knew they existed. I threatened him with not ever letting him see his kids again if he got into more debt. He did it anyway. That’s when I finally admitted that nothing was going to change him.

I can’t tell you whether you should get divorced but I will say that if he did it a second time, that’s a more serious issue. It means that he was either only sorry that he got caught not actually sorry, and it means that he just can’t stop. It also means he’s ok with lying to you on an ongoing basis. Maybe you’ll know more after therapy.

As for what someone else said about you not being responsible, it depends on whether you’re in a community property state.

How was he able to put you 40 more in the hole? I have so many questions. Hope you come back OPer.

You need an attorney asap. You need to start severing financial ties as much as possible and protecting your self and your home. He's got a sickness and unfortunately you are feeding it by "we haven't talked about yet" and "I forgave him".

It will sneak up on you again. Get a legal separation. He will go to therapy, talk the talk and then start up again. And you know this.

Ten years ago, my husband racked up $30,000 in credit card bills. I forgave him and we remortgaged. Now he has racked up $40,000 on credit cards.

If you divorce don’t you still own half the debt?