Running from love

I recently pushed away a girl I was with and now that she is gone I realize I was afraid to except her love. I have talked to her and she has expressed that her feelings and love for me are gone forever. I don’t know where to go from here.

Thank you,

Dennis O’Brien

You move on. She's told you she has no feelings for you. Leave her alone, she's made up her mind.

I would try to work out why you run from love, whether through therapy or other means, so that you are prepared to accept love from other people in the future. You deserve to be happy without sabotaging any opportunities that come your way.

Well, why did you do it? What happened to you to run from love?

Anywhere but back to her.

I recently pushed away a girl I was with and now she is gone. I don’t know where to go from here.

Where do you go from here: Well, to therapy to find out why you're afraid of commitment, I'd say. Of course you don't mention your age so maybe you're just too young to want to commit or your gut was telling you to not commit to her because subconsciously you knew she really wasn't the right girl for you.

Yes, you let this go. Completely.

And then you go to therapy, to begin to understand what's going on here, so that you can learn to love in a more holistic manner. Because it's an interesting knot to untangle, and needed one.

Like, it sounds like you were comfortable being in an unsustainable (but very common) state: receiving someone's affection, partly, but not fully. And therefore never fully giving it back, which leaves someone drained, which is why she's done. Love is a thing that two people build together, not something one pours in and another finds solace and comfort in. The vibe I get is: she ran out of love.

Seen another way, you did not "push her away." No, you took from her, but didn't give back, and she got tired. I don't say that with judgement. It happens. Now that she has left you, you miss that affection, want it back, and are beginning to do some searching. That's great. But it's not for her. You don't get her love back as a reward. The reward is learning how to love differently, so you're doing what you wish you could be doing now, at the end, from the beginning.

I recently pushed away a girl I was with and now that she is gone I realize I was afraid to except her love. I have talked to her and she has expressed that her feelings and love for me are gone forever. I don’t know where to go from here.

 

Thank you,

Dennis O’Brien

I've pushed men away in various ways too DennisO, and have had men push me away as well.

Put simply, it's fear, which you have realized.

So I am curious -- how did you come to this realization, that you were afraid to accept her love? That's very astute and for most people who struggle with these fears, it takes a long time to realize and lots of introspection, and/or therapy.

If she did wish to try again, are you in a better emotional place now to accept it? It's quite common to believe we are emotionally ready to accept love when we don't have it.

It's once we receive it, having the ability to accept it, appreciate it, nurture it.

Are you there? If not, leave her be and continue introspecting, learning, growing, evolving.

It's all a journey so best of luck.