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Thread: Breaking up with a guy I'm not even with

  1. #11
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    A guy like that will simply move on to the next object of his obsession.

    No, sorry, it's not you. It's any woman who will allow him into her life. So he will just go on to the next one.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    No one likes being the bad guy. But no one likes being strung along. And no one likes pretending to be someone they are not. So this is really a triple win.

    Truth is, as you know, that the woman he is describing as that healing light in a tunnel of darkness is not really you. It's a fantasy in his head, you're the screen he's projecting it on, and contact (to say nothing of sex) is what keeps the resolution so strong in his mind.

    Who are you, really? A British woman in her late 20s who got out of something gnarly in May, is into playing the field, and is in no spot for a relationship, at least with with this guy and his raven poetry. So own that. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just as you've already got a soothing option on the horizonóthe new dudeóhe'll find something out there to heal his wounds.
    BC once again spitting truth.

    Also agree with Holly. This is attention seeking behavior and deep down you know it, this relationship probably did a number on your self esteem so it understandable, that doesn't make it right though.

    Let him go completely. Besides all those pretty words in such a short amount of time, he may have his own agenda himself.

  3. #13
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    Itís okay to not feel it for him just own those emotions and like others posted go no contact. Itís presumptuous to assume his life will cripple without you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree, tell him in plain English you are not interested. You cant dance around this, you need to be blunt. Then you block and delete him from being able to contact you. This is all pretty simple, you just have to do it. You cant be friends with someone who wants to be with you in a romantic way.

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  6. #15
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    This guy is not in an emotionally healthy place to date anyway.

    He's got something deeper insider him he needs to work on, if he's making these huge declarations when he barely even knows you. It could also be his way of inadvertently manipulating you to stick around so you feel too guilty to leave. Be kind, but be firm and tell him you do not want to continue dating. It's not possible to be friends, no. That would get way too messy.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try not to string people along for attention after a breakup. Be clear from the start that it's casual dates.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    it would be nice to have a fall-back, but it's not fair to him, but I don't know how to get through to him...
    You don't owe him a thing except a solid "goodbye, goodluck in your search" and a block and delete.

    You've already told him you're not interested in him waiting for you to be ready so just block him now. Done and done! Give him the closed door so he will move on... that means you stop talking to him which means you stop enabling him to cling onto you like he is. If you think about it, its actually selfish to keep enabling him because he's not moving on when you keep giving him false hope through contact.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by BettyBee
    OK yeah the attention is nice and all that.
    But as much as I'm not used to the attention, I'm not used to being the bad guy... that's kind of why it's hard. I've tried to let him know easy...
    First off, you're being more of a "bad guy" by *not* being honest!

    In an effort to "let him know easy" you are misleading him which is selfish, unfair and just wrong.

    Secondly --

    "You're the light at the end of his darkness"? Not to sound rude, but seriously?

    But okay, even IF there is a ring of truth to it, how pray tell did he ever get to that place?

    Nevermind, I already know -- YOU led him to that place! But how, why? You're not interested in him!

    For the love of xxx stop leading him on.

    I am also scratching my head wondering how you can enjoy receiving this type of hard core attention from a guy you don't even like, at least romantically. (Or so you claim).

    Maybe I'm weird but attention from a guy I have no interest in irritates me to no end. I get absolutely no "ego hit" from that whatsoever. Or much of anything else.

    I think there is more to this. Like perhaps you DO like him, but he's coming on too hard and strong which is hindering your ability to realize it.

    My guess is if/when he goes away and stops giving you attention, you'll realize how much you do like him, and decide you're suddenly "ready" for a relationship after all.

    Frankly, I don't buy this "not ready" crap. When a person is really interested and attracted, they're "ready" and I think you know this too.

    Start being honest, first with yourself, then with everyone else, including him.

    Apologies this was harsh, but come on now bettybee. You're not being REAL with him and that is unfair and wrong in my opinion.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 10-07-2018 at 02:21 PM.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I want us to be friends. Is this possible?
    Its selfish of you to want to demote him to "just friends" when he wants to be your friend, your lover, your partner, "the light at the end of his darkness."

    Surely you can see how selfish demoting him would be. Time to drop the "I don't want to be the bad guy" speech and actually stop being the bad guy.

  11. #20
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    I don't see how repeatedly telling him I don't want to date him is leading him on? We we're never dating, we hooked up once and I told him I didn't want anything more. We met up once after that. After I told him I didn't want to date him.
    I haven't spoken to him for 2 days now.

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