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Thread: Single girl adventures...

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    Thank you for your continued support Batya. I have made an appointment with a psychologist for next week. I think I need some time and help to work on my self-esteem so I do not continue to pick guys who do not treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Hoping that might help me get out of this pattern.
    Yes and I'd also look at books by Alain de Boton - what you write reminds me of him.

  2. #52
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes and I'd also look at books by Alain de Boton - what you write reminds me of him.
    Thank you I will! I love to read, and am currently looking for some good self-help books.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    Thank you I will! I love to read, and am currently looking for some good self-help books.
    I love to read too. I also recommend Martha Beck.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hope you're feeling okay today, frustrated. x

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  6. #55
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Hope you're feeling okay today, frustrated. x
    Thanks for thinking of me Sherry. I am doing...so-so. It really varies by the hour. Some moments I feel like I am going to be ok, and I feel almost excited to work on myself. And other moments I feel so sad, and lonely. The weekend is coming up, and we spent every weekend together for the past 4 months so this is going to be very difficult for me. I am already anticipating the impending loneliness. I'm working this weekend so at least I won't be at home moping during the day. Writing here and yours, and Batya's input has been cathartic for me. I am also going to the gym, and have planned to see a counselor next week. I am doing all I can really, to try and keep busy, but the sadness still creeps up on me unexpectedly.

  7. #56
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    Great plan to keep busy especially active/outdoors (even angry cleaning!)

  8. #57
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    He sent me a very long message today. Basically saying he was sorry he couldn't give me what I wanted. But at the same time telling me he thought I would never be happy. He tried and tried but apparently it was never enough. He also said maybe we could be friends again at some point. And that he still loved me. Not sure what the point of this message was really. Was it for closure? It sounded like a break up text, but we already broke up. I messaged back essentially telling him I wasn't mad, and I wished him all the best as well. And that we just weren't right for eachother. He then told me he has some of my stuff and whether he should drop it off or throw it out. I told him I will pick it up next weekend. It is too soon for me to see him now. Im just confused about all these heartfelt messages after he told me I was a horrible person and that I will always be miserable. Now he loves me, and wishes me all the best...

  9. #58
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    Why do you have to see him? Can someone else pick it up or can he send it to you?

  10. #59
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Why do you have to see him? Can someone else pick it up or can he send it to you?
    I suppose a part of me would still like to see him one last time...

  11. #60
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    I suppose a part of me would still like to see him one last time...
    Of course, that's normal. Decide whether the benefits outweigh the risks.

    A story- when my husband and I first dated many years ago we got engaged. We broke it off. I decided to leave the ring at our place my last day there and I let him know that so he would know it was there. I just didn't want to do the whole give back the ring in person and he was fine with it. Too too sad (to my point -I knew I wanted to see him and also knew the downside).

    48 hours later it was his friend's big party or something I went out that night with my friend. I took the train home late and -this is the first time this ever happened in all the time I've known him (which is about 24 years) - he got on the train on my car to go home. He turned toward where I was sitting and I did say hi - I mean I wanted to and of course I did. And he walked right by. Turned out- he didn't see me- but in my brain -he was deliberately ignoring me and we'd had an amicable separation, I left the ring with him, etc. So in my heels and little skirt -I gave chase. I chased him through that train until he stopped - more than one car (He was trying to find an empty seat away from all the drunk teenagers) - and out of breath I burst out, in tears - total drama scene for the drunk partiers on that train - "why wouldn't you speak to me? He was shocked to see me -he hadn't seen me - and we ended up talking half the night at our former apartment.

    We didn't get back together then -we got back together almost 8 years later. I just wanted you to know - I was supposed to move on, to be in no contact - and seeing him brought it all back - but it didn't make it right and it kind of set me back - I then had to see him again and he agreed -for dinner, three weeks later -because I regretted ending things. But he said no, he didn't want to risk it (he was right).

    And yes I have that same engagement ring on my finger today. You never know, but I will tell you that had I pushed more back then and had we gotten back together right then - we wouldn't be married now because I am almost sure there would have been a repeat of my panic/doubts and it would have created too much bad blood to give things a third chance.

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