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Thread: Single girl adventures...

  1. #21
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    So was the way you showed you cared a way he was comfortable receiving ? I wold be careful about building up resentment. That means you weren’t giving in a healthy way. Know yourself and your limits better and stop before you feel the potential to be resentful. And if you feel tempted to go ahead anyway ask yourself why you’re risking feeling resentful Because at that point while it may have been from a giving place earlier it likely is no longer from a healthy giving place.

  2. #22
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Feeling even worse today. Tried to get my mind off of things by going to a movie with a friend. For some reason it just made me miss him even more...all I kept doing was comparing him to my ex, and throughout the movie having these awful flashbacks of good times we had together. Barely slept last night. Kept on waking up and thinking about him.

    I wonder if he is missing me as much as I miss him...I'm wondering if I should ask for us to meet up tomorrow. But what if he says no and I am crushed all over again? I think he would say yes in all honesty. But I would go there hoping we would get back together. And what if we don't? I end up crushed all over again. But what if he sees me and he remembers what we have lost and changes his mind?

    My friends all say I'm better off, and that I should just try to get over it. But I miss him so much at times that it's almost unbearable. They think he should be fighting for me, but he doesn't. I did and it got me nowhere. I know he was sad it was over, and he wanted us to stay in contact, so that gives me some hope. But I feel like if I give him too much space he will just forget about me. Why does he not fight for us? Why does he give up so easily?

  3. #23
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    People move towards pleasure and away from pain. He is not putting effort into getting back together because he doesn't want to or doesn't want to badly enough. The why is a mystery and irrelevant other than for your ego. I get that you are missing him -I went through something similar and it was crazy-making and really annoyed the people around me at times, sigh. I would not ask to meet up. He knows you want to get back together and he knows you are sorry for what you said/did. The ball is completely in his court. Yes, you have to let the feelings come and yes you have to make choices so that the feelings stay as far off the radar as possible.

    When I wanted to get back together with my ex fiancee (I had ended things, I regretted doing so), he agreed to meet with me and at dinner he said that he didn't want to get back together because he knew it would be romantic for a month or so and then we'd have the same issues. Almost 8 years later we met for a random catch up dinner having seen each other one time for a catch up dinner a year and a half earlier (and no other contact in those years other than a few emails a year). Sparks flew. We got married 3 years and 4 months later. It was the right time. I'd become the right person to find the right person. He'd changed in a way that resolved our issues (not perfection just in a way that made us compatible and able to love each other in a healthy and right way). It's very rare to get back together like that I would think. And I'll tell you what I know as sure as I can be sure -had we gotten back together when I wanted to shortly after we broke up it would have been for the wrong reasons and my guess is that the bad feelings would have sealed the deal of neither of us ever wanting to try again. So be careful about reacting impulsively to your feelings of missing him by showing desperation, getting hurt again, perhaps saying things you regret or hearing things you cannot unhear.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    People move towards pleasure and away from pain. He is not putting effort into getting back together because he doesn't want to or doesn't want to badly enough. The why is a mystery and irrelevant other than for your ego. I get that you are missing him -I went through something similar and it was crazy-making and really annoyed the people around me at times, sigh. I would not ask to meet up. He knows you want to get back together and he knows you are sorry for what you said/did. The ball is completely in his court. Yes, you have to let the feelings come and yes you have to make choices so that the feelings stay as far off the radar as possible.

    When I wanted to get back together with my ex fiancee (I had ended things, I regretted doing so), he agreed to meet with me and at dinner he said that he didn't want to get back together because he knew it would be romantic for a month or so and then we'd have the same issues. Almost 8 years later we met for a random catch up dinner having seen each other one time for a catch up dinner a year and a half earlier (and no other contact in those years other than a few emails a year). Sparks flew. We got married 3 years and 4 months later. It was the right time. I'd become the right person to find the right person. He'd changed in a way that resolved our issues (not perfection just in a way that made us compatible and able to love each other in a healthy and right way). It's very rare to get back together like that I would think. And I'll tell you what I know as sure as I can be sure -had we gotten back together when I wanted to shortly after we broke up it would have been for the wrong reasons and my guess is that the bad feelings would have sealed the deal of neither of us ever wanting to try again. So be careful about reacting impulsively to your feelings of missing him by showing desperation, getting hurt again, perhaps saying things you regret or hearing things you cannot unhear.
    I know this is the logical thing to do, but again I'm so afraid that if I don't see him he will forget about me. I also just feel like I need to see him one last time, to know that it is really over. Perhaps I will change my mind by tomorrow. My mind and emotions seem to change minute to minute.

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  6. #25
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    He called! And he said he misses me. i feel so much better know I'm not the only one. Couldn't talk long because of work, but it was enough to make me happy. We may not get back together, but at least I know he had feelings for me, and it wasn't so easy to walk away from as he made it seem.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    He called! And he said he misses me. i feel so much better know I'm not the only one. Couldn't talk long because of work, but it was enough to make me happy. We may not get back together, but at least I know he had feelings for me, and it wasn't so easy to walk away from as he made it seem.
    Sounds like that is good for your mood and ego. Time to watch the feet -what he does -not the lips -what he says. Someone who cares about you and wants to be with you would never "forget" about you just because they did not see you in person. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  8. #27
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    Well I went over to his place and we ended up sleeping together. Things just seemed to go back to normal for a few days...we were hanging out. He was being affectionate etc. But I'm beginning to feel like something has shifted. It seems like he has totally pulled back. Now maybe I am overthinking things, or maybe he has changed the way he feels about me. He doesn't text me goodmorning anymore, doesn't call me sweet names, doesn't text me as much...I know he still cares because of the way he acts when with me, but it feels like he is holding back quite a lot nowadays. I'm wondering if we should talk about it, or should I just let him be? Give him some space? I just want things to go to back to normal, but maybe that is asking for too much right now...

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    Well I went over to his place and we ended up sleeping together. Things just seemed to go back to normal for a few days...we were hanging out. He was being affectionate etc. But I'm beginning to feel like something has shifted. It seems like he has totally pulled back. Now maybe I am overthinking things, or maybe he has changed the way he feels about me. He doesn't text me goodmorning anymore, doesn't call me sweet names, doesn't text me as much...I know he still cares because of the way he acts when with me, but it feels like he is holding back quite a lot nowadays. I'm wondering if we should talk about it, or should I just let him be? Give him some space? I just want things to go to back to normal, but maybe that is asking for too much right now...
    If you want a potential relationship with him -meaning a long term relationship then don't choose to have sex while things are still in limbo and uncertain. You didn't end up sleeping with him -you chose to have sex and chose the risks/consequences. He is acting like a person who is enjoying a sexual arrangement with someone he used to be in a relationship with. When he sees you you'll have fun, have sex, hang out. Otherwise you cannot expect him to act like a couple. If you're happy settling for this arrangement then continue -but be honest with yourself about what it is and what it is not.

  10. #29
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Well on Thursday night he met some of my friends and they seemed to get along well. My best friends opinion matters alot to me and she said he was very kind, which also is very important to me in a partner. We had a nice dinner and played some games after. It was very comfortable and overall very positive. After they left we had a conversation about where we stand, and he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was elated, and felt like a giddy school girl. Things have improved immensely since then. We get along well, and he seems to be more comfortable and is opening up more. We aren't able to see eachother as much as I would like due to distance, but I think once a week is not terrible for the beginning of a relationship. Maybe it will keep things from moving too quickly, and keep things fresh for longer. All in all I'm feeling good about how things are currently, and I'm excited to see how things unfold.

  11. #30
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    What a great update!

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