This is how I’m healing

I don’t know if this will help anyone but it helps me.

I don’t remember my actual birth day but I bet I wanted to go back. I was probably pretty scared, shocked and definitely annoyed.

7 years later I got woken up one morning and told that we were headed to the airport. I Everything new was exciting and interesting and I always ended up back at home. Then in a few hours, I learned that I’m not coming home that day or any day as far as I knew. I had no idea how to speak the language, the culture, or what home was going to be. I was again, scared, shocked and annoyed. I wanted to go back.

10 years ago l moved out to a new state. I thought I had it figured out. It was new and exciting. In reality, I still wanted to go back.

Next week I start a brand new job in a brand new field. I am as nervous as ever because everything I though I knew for the past 9 years doesn’t apply anymore, but strangely, I don’t feel the same way.

I realized something this past year and this last break up really made it stick- I will always be that newborn baby in that hospital years ago and there is no going back. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be thanks to the people I’ve met and the experiences we’ve shared.

I want my future to be spent in the moment with those close to me. People come and go but a real relationship with myself, begins when you accept that there is no going back or a fast forward. There is only now.

Nice post :)

C*

I have to forgive myself for my mistakes and learn from them. If an ex feels like she made a mistake, she has to forgive herself also and move forward.

Only then can a successful relationship start. There is no telling if it will be us, but there is no other way anything will work.

That’s why no contact is important, it’s not to make them miss you, and it’s not to forget them. Its to forgive yourself and that can take days or years. Take the lesson, and apply it in the moment as much as you can, with the people around you. I’ll slip but as long as I stay aware, I can pull myself out. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t think less of her.

I’m just gonna keep it in this thread and not start any new ones.

I had a great day today. Went on a ride. Saw some beautiful girls and I almost felt confident enough to go compliment them because they looked beautiful. I didn’t because of reasons I’m not even sure of. Misinterpreted intentions? Wanting to fill a void?

I look at a person these days and I imagine their heartbreaks. I imagine the pain they’ve experienced, because of the joy they’ve acquired. I don’t think I’ve seen a happy person at a restaurant or bar yet. I don’t even think my parents are happy together. Maybe my ex wasn’t truly happy. Maybe she was and she saw someone in me. Enough to invite me to her cousins rehearsal dinner. Enough to want to be with me in general. Right now I just hate the person she saw. I’m trying to forgive myself.

I was “in between jobs” today in the sense that I left my last job yesterday and start my new one tomorrow. Everything seems clear and tomorrow feels like an appointment rather than my first day at work. I may be growing cold feet at the moment. Then thinking of the person that got me here kicks in. She helped me revise my resume while we were dating, and told me if there is anything she could do for me, to let her know. I can’t let her know obviously since she checked out.

My head is spinning again. It’s like I’m putting in my own stitches to an open wound that I didn’t know was there.

I want to share my journey. I will be ok. In the moment all the pain is coming up and I will eventually release it.

What a day. First day at my new job. I can’t believe the structure that was missing. I came home and I cleaned my kitchen. First time since a week before the break up.

Made myself dinner, packed a lunch for the next few days.

I’m not rushing myself though. The other rooms will come later. I’m not Superman. I was genuinely tired to go do anything today.

This is what I have been missing for who knows how many years. I feel good!

Glad you're on the up Buddy*

:-)

I can’t believe the structure that was missing. I cleaned my kitchen. First time since a week before the break up... I feel good!

Life goes on, without them in it. Getting back into those routines is a good thing.

And, if you felt some urge to contact her and tell her about the new job ... well done for not giving in to it.

Thank you. Yes I did have the thought but putting myself in her shoes, she’d think I’m a crazy person who can’t let go of the past. That’s how I’d feel in reality if I did. I need to let go of the past however. That includes what we had and everything I ever felt was a disappointment. I need to forgive myself. Today was a little more difficult than yesterday though I can’t lie.

She knows about the new job since she helped me get it. I accepted the offer when we were still together and she helped me tweak my resume. She’ll never be just “some girl I dated.” She literally opened my eyes to what I could do.

It’s a tough one.

I have no urges to reach out just thoughts. I think that if I did I’d be setting myself back and that was not why we met.

Sometimes I wonder if I could even take her back if she wanted me to. Knowing what I know about myself now, I wonder how many people I’d take back for the wrong reasons or how many people I’d chase for the wrong reasons.

There’s no such think as “taking someone back,” in my opinion. It’s meeting again for the first time but how do you do that if your initial reaction to seeing that person brings up uncomfortable memories? You almost try to avoid them so the chances of “meeting again” are even slimmer than the first time you’ve met.

Leaving the past in the past is harder than people realize. I’m a good person and it’s all thanks to the people I’ve met so of course it’s hard not to think about every single one that has taught me something.

I’ll always miss her. No one can change my mind about that. I miss a girl I dated 6 years ago now. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the idea of missing someone who I won’t see again even though they’re so close to me and who I never had a bad moment with. Obviously they did with me but how could I have known?

Relationships take work. Trust, respect, and integrity are things were brought up with but communication is the glue. I’ve grown up having problems with that so how can I be upset she didn’t communicate with me? She didn’t stand a chance.

I know this sounds like a cliche, but I feel like a totally different person now. Again, I just need to forgive myself for my past.

Had a good 3rd day at work. Pointed out a problem no one saw and didn’t expect recognition for it or want any but someone pointed me out and I can’t lie, it felt good not seeking it. I needed this job change.

If you’ve read any of my previous threads i was very misguided I feel like.

Had a heart to heart with my dad too. I feel like things are looking up. I hope I don’t shut off again. But yeah I still would like to share it with my ex. I feel like the feeling of personal accomplishment overshadows that. At this point I’m starting to feel less like she’s my “ex” and more like she’s another good person I have yet to meet. I have 0 resentment towards her for leaving. I’m not sure if that’s a stage, but if it is, i skipped over it.

Also I finally have weekends off which is more than I can say for the past 9 years.

An hour later, after watching This Is Us, I break down. Welcome to my 30s! What is this???

No urge to contact, just a thought. I know I’ll wake up tomorrow regretting it if I did. I got this on my own!

We bumped in to each other at the front door of the restaurant we met on our first date. I looked up and said “excuse me” and realized it was her. That flashes before me all the time. My whole life flashes in front of me every morning and night. I know Ive been broken but I feel like I’m breaking in to pieces this time. Everything is different.

Sounds like you may have met, and spent time with, someone who has tapped into your soul and brought up core wounds to be healed from the darkest corners of your mind.

I'm going through a similar EXperience...

This is why some partners we can move on from quite easily....and some we cannot.

Dig Deeper AHD*

Carus*

Sounds like you may have met, and spent time with, someone who has tapped into your soul and brought up core wounds to be healed from the darkest corners of your mind.

 

This is why some partners we can move on from quite easily....and some we cannot.

 

Bolded -- I've recently been thinking about this Carus (today in fact), and wholeheartedly agree. Very well said.

Hope you're well. :)

Bolded -- I've recently been thinking about this Carus (today in fact), and wholeheartedly agree. Very well said.

 

Hope you're well. :)

Thanks Kat* - Yesterday was brutal. Today was good...you know how it goes*

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss the 'deeper relationships' stuff a bit more..I don't want to hijack anyones thread....I'm certainly on some sort of journey here! :-/

Abrazos para ti*

Carus*

Highjack away. Sometimes it feels like it’s just me and I’d like to hear some thoughts.

It's definitely not just you Buddy*

It's past 3am here so I gotta zzz but will try and write a bit more tomorrow...also, some people may not agree with or like what I write...

In the meantime, maybe watch a bit of this channel if you have the time ..>>

Regards

Carus*

Thanks Kat* - Yesterday was brutal. Today was good...you know how it goes*

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss the 'deeper relationships' stuff a bit more..I don't want to hijack anyones thread....I'm certainly on some sort of journey here! :-/

 

Abrazos para ti*

 

Carus*

Thanks C, I might take you up on that!

And abrazos para ti -- right back at ya! 😊

I swear I haven’t seen a monarch butterfly in 10 years. When we met we went to a butterfly exhibit together. She told me a story about how the monarch reminds her of her grandfather.

The past two weeks I had a monarch fly up to me twice. Once earlier this week at home and once today at work. Maybe it’s a sign or maybe it’s their season but I’ll take that as a sign that you’re right. She did tap in to my soul. Weird how that works after the fact.

The funny thing is it’s not my first rodeo. I’ve been broken up with before. Everything else is spinning with this one. This is more than a heartbreak. It’s like an uncertainty. It’s that fear I’ve always had coming out to the top. Fear I didn’t know I had because I have been masking it for so long. I’m not sure what I should do. Not about reaching out, but about my life. How do I convince myself that it gets better when for the last 23 years it has stayed the same?

Makes me wonder how many people go through life blind? Wake up go to work, lose a job, get another one, find a partner, lose a partner, get married, become grandparents, but in the end they have regrets. They argue about politics about religion, get road rage, cheat, lie, steal, laugh, cry, puzzle, drugs, whatever it is, just to make themselves feel better but don’t really form compassion or empathy for other human beings. It’s amazing how this is turning my head upside down. I thought I was a good person but I don’t think I ever really was what I think a good person should be like.

I used to listen to these “relationships experts.” Seems like yesterday. They’d put down “crazy” or “emotionally unavailable.” Buy a new wardrobe, work out, go out and meet new people. All that was just a temporary fix. No happy person ever sent them a message or paid for their services. I didn’t either but not because I was happy. I just listened to their “free” advice because it provided a temporary fix. Be it one year, one night, or 5 months in this last case. There’s no amount of money out there or time to pay for an experience like this. My advice is to stop looking for a fix. Stop searching for the right words to say (these are the right words for me although she’ll never hear them). Find that one person that makes you happy. Until you realize that person is you, you will always go through life blind.

It weird because I miss her like crazy. But at the same time I don’t miss me.

I took a job for less than half of what I was making, but it’s an entry level job with a very reputable company so I feel like I can build a future there (everyone needs to make a living). I have no clue how I’ll pay bills in a month but somehow I still never want to go back to that past where all I wanted was “more.”

If I could rewind time I wouldn’t because I didn’t know what I know now, back then.

ahd, I don't know your story but I am a firm believer in just allowing yourself to "feel" whatever feelings you are feeling -- heartbreak, pain, anger, love, hate, ALL of it!

Do NOT do anything in an attempt to suppress those emotions like the so-called "experts" advise. Just feel them. Yes you will hurt, yes you will feel pain, yes you may even feel like dying sometimes.

But you need to feel these emotions in all their glory, so that they can rise to the surface and be released! Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Suppressing (through alcohol, dating others, buying a new wardrobe, etc) doesn't work, cause the feelings are still there, lingering inside you like a ticking time bomb. And it will affect every subsequent RL you have, every aspect of your life in some way.

Also and no disrespect but I also believe that by constantly talking about it, whether here or in real life, only serves to keep you STUCK. It keeps you in that negative mind frame of poor me, whoa is me, I'm so hurt, I am in such pain, I need sympathy, please help me!!

You can only help yourself. By choosing to move on. It's not easy and you don't do that in my opinion by searching for another person (to lift you out of yourself, to make it all "all better").

Unless of course that other person is YOURSELF. Choose "yourself," love "yourself." Once you become confident in your ability to do that, you will feel confident knowing you can make it through anything, heartbreak, death, whatever life throws at you.

You will become resilient.

Not saying it will be easy, but it's such a good healthy place to be in and ironically being in that "place" will attract more people to you as well.

Take care ahd and ((hugs)). :)

ahd, I don't know your story but I am a firm believer in just allowing yourself to "feel" whatever feelings you are feeling -- heartbreak, pain, anger, love, hate, ALL of it!

 

Do NOT do anything in an attempt to suppress those emotions like the so-called "experts" advise. Just feel them. Yes you will hurt, yes you will feel pain, yes you may even feel like dying sometimes.

 

But you need to feel these emotions in all their glory, so that they can rise to the surface and be released! Hopefully sooner rather than later.

 

Suppressing (through alcohol, dating others, buying a new wardrobe, etc) doesn't work, cause the feelings are still there, lingering inside you like a ticking time bomb. And it will affect every subsequent RL you have, every aspect of your life in some way.

 

Also and no disrespect but I also believe that by constantly talking about it, whether here or in real life, only serves to keep you STUCK. It keeps you in that negative mind frame of poor me, whoa is me, I'm so hurt, I am in such pain, I need sympathy, please help me!!

 

You can only help yourself. By choosing to move on. It's not easy and you don't do that in my opinion by searching for another person (to lift you out of yourself, to make it all "all better").

 

Unless of course that other person is YOURSELF. Choose "yourself," love "yourself." Once you become confident in your ability to do that, you will feel confident knowing you can make it through anything, heartbreak, death, whatever life throws at you.

 

You will become resilient.

 

Not saying it will be easy, but it's such a good healthy place to be in and ironically being in that "place" will attract more people to you as well.

 

Take care ahd and ((hugs)). :)

Thank you. This is a more than a break up. This is a break up from exactly how you worded it.

I feel like I need this one to soak in. The wine is a depressant and so are the thoughts that come with it but I feel like right now I need to soak it in. To feel the pain and to learn from it instead of getting numb to it.

Tomorrow is my first real weekend in a long time. I’ve requested weekends off my previous job but I always thought about obligations. I feel like I’ve missed the obligations that really mattered. Those were me. And me supporting growth of someone else. I can’t do that until I support my own growth.

What is it about a human being compatible vs incompatible with another? For a second think about animals. Dogs for example. My long haired weiner tried to hump my boxer for the past three weeks.

Why do human beings feel like compatibility is a factor in relationships? Why do they get heart broken or justify it when one doesn’t work out for them? The weiner and the boxer are on two opposite sides of my couch right now sleeping. I’m sure they don’t have a forum they’re in posting this stuff. It didn’t work out for the weiner today and he’s exhausted. I’m sure tomorrow he’ll be back at it. No resentment towards the boxer who’s peacefully sleeping on the other side of the couch. And she’s asleep so I doubt she’s cares at all about what happens tomorrow.

I don’t know. Maybe she’s pissed he can’t reach and he’s pissed too. But she doesn’t have a bunch of boxer ex boyfriends or boxer dreams she’s looking to fulfill. She’s just being lazy and sleeping, as is he. Why cant we forget about our differences and just learn to be happy together?

Nature handles attraction AHD.

It' there or it isn't.

But even mutual attraction does not = compatibility. Not all the time, anyway.

Being both 100% mutually attracted, and 100% compatible, sounds too good to be true in an imperfect world.

You hear stories about people whose strong mutual attraction carried them through the honeymoon phase, and then out came the compatibility issues in the comfort phase, and they break up.

You hear stories of people who are sufficiently attracted to work on their compatibility issues and move forward together.

You will also see posts here that say "people don't change" or "you should not ask people to change".

It's not a black and white thing, really, IMHO.