Did you go through pregnancy without a partner present? What helped you?

Hey all,

My girlfriend is pregnant and, unfortunately, because of work we cannot be together during her pregnancy. It's killing me feeling so helpless; just the other day, she first got morning sickness and I felt terrible being so far away when all I wanted to do was help.

We'll get to see each other for Thanksgiving in November, and because we won't be together for most of the days throughout her pregnancy, I want to do what I can to help and get her set up with the things she might need (or would be helpful). Anything I can do to make her life a little bit easier.

What are some things (products, household items, etc.) that helped you through your pregnancy? What are some things I can build for her? Is there anything you wished you had to help you through your pregnancy?

Any helpful tips you can offer are appreciated. Neither of us has much experience with pregnancy, so I'd really appreciate learning from you.

Thank you!

DN

Well, I would ask who's going to be her birthing coach? Who's going to be there with her in the delivery room? If you can't be there, do you have a sister or a mother who can be with her? And what about when she gets home? Are there people who will be home to take care of her? Do you have someone who can do housework for her for a week or so? Does she have disposable diapers and other baby products waiting? Did you buy a crib and baby clothes? I mean, think about it. A baby needs a lot of things.

We weren't together for large parts of my pregnancy because we lived in different cities. No one needed to buy me anything -I worked up until 2 weeks before my due date, I hired someone to clean my home twice before the birth, and yes if my husband hadn't been around I would have needed help from someone else while I was in the hospital to set up the crib and unpack the supplies -diapers/feeding, etc. My mother took me to the hospital when I was in labor because I was early. I am really glad I didn't have to go on my own. Google lists for newborns and new moms -there are many lists that have the "essentials" and that will give you a better more concrete idea of what she might need.

I went to my ultrasounds (I had many extra as I was advanced maternal age) mostly on my own, went to my doc appointments on my own - but also I had an easy pregnancy relatively speaking - so if your girlfriend needs bed rest or is ill, etc her needs might be different. It's not one size fits all.

Maybe see if she needs a grocery delivery service or a cleaning service.

I don’t come here often, but I recently gave birth a little under two months ago. Please know that every pregnancy a woman experiences is different. Keep that in mind when reading posts here by taking anyone’s advice here with a grain of salt. My experiences may not be the same as your girlfriends because I suffered through a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. My delivery - as I’m told - was a breeze compared to most first time mothers who go into labor! But what a nightmare pregnancy I had when it’s like having morning sickness, but 10x magnified that you’re dropping weight because you’re literally starving yourself and cannot stay hydrated. No home remedies (ginger ale, preggo pops, seabands, morning sickness tea, etc) worked. I was vomiting food and water for over a month that I had to be hospitalized many times and take leave. I didn’t stop vomiting until 35 weeks of pregnancy, even with prenatal medication (that I had to FIGHT my OBGYN for).

I was one of those pregnant women who literally could not function on my own and absolutely needed my husband during the first two trimesters. It was so bad that I could not drive my car - he had to drive me to my doctor appointments/hospital trip. It really helped that he was a Sonographer and could monitor our baby in case anything went wrong.

Vomiting is inevitable. It’s going to happen and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Hopefully she has it no more than three times a day. I was puking nearly 10 times a day.

To your questions:

What are some things (products, household items, etc.) that helped you through your pregnancy?

* For nausea: any foods that have high levels of vitamin B6, because it will ease nausea. Avocados/guacamole and Mangoes were my best friends (plus they are super healthy). Also taking a bath with E. Salts can also help (it didn’t for me, but other women swore by it during their pregnancy).

* LOTS and lots of water. Lack of hydration will send your girlfriend to the hospital. She will need to drink like a small fish in a Sea World tank because lack of hydration will keep her AND her baby’s blood pressure high.

* She should consult with her doctor on what medications are safe to take while pregnant. Pepcid works wonders with nausea and heartburn.

* toilet paper. She will be peeing a lot.

* A belly band. The best $15 investment for my pregnancy. I was on it from the beginning of second trimester to the end. It took pressure off my bag.

* cleaning supplies in case she pukes all over the bathroom

* mouthwash. Nuff said.

* neutral smelling shampoo/conditioner. My own hair products literally made me vomit in the shower that I had to buy cheap, basic shampoos (which ruined my hair).

* a body pillow.

What are some things I can build for her?

Not sure what you mean here. Worry about that when the baby comes, because you will be assembling a LOT of baby stuff.

Is there anything you wished you had to help you through your pregnancy?

I wished I hired a Doula because of my hospital phobia. My husband works in the medical field and in an OBGYN office, so I didn’t think I would need one.

Wrong.

I really needed a doula AFTER I had given birth. They aren’t just there to tell the woman to push, but are yours and your lady’s best advocate in case you have to deal with some bull-headed nurses in the maternity ward. My husband and I were both sleep deprived because I gave birth at 4 am, and we had two militant nurses who carried a “my way or the highway” attitude. I actually threatened one of them because she pissed me off so much on top of sleep deprivation and my hormones haven’t settled... which wouldn’t have happened if I had a doula to advocate for me. And the first few weeks at home with postpartum... I would of benefitted talking to a doula to help me.

My mom, my sister and I were pregnant 8 times between us. We never threw up. Many women do -not all women. Vomiting is not inevitable. I used ginger chews and accupressure bands when I had some nausea in my first trimester. I had some food cravings and some food aversions for my pregnancy. No issue with smells. I did not use or need a belly band but your girlfriend might. I drank a lot of water so a good water bottle if she doesn't already have one is great. I had an emergency c-section and a pregnancy related medical condition -serious health scare -12 days after the birth so I did need someone to take me to the ER while my husband stayed with the baby.

I agree that all women are different/all pregnancies and I highly recommend a simple google search of "list for newborns" or "must haves for expecting mothers"

If you can't be there, do you have a sister or a mother who can be with her?

I would have the OP’s girlfriend make this decision. No way in hell did I want my in-laws or even my own family except my husband in the delivery room. My vagina would be out, I could potentially poop on the table while pushing... it’s a very personal, private medical event that doesn’t deserve a show put on for the entire family to see. The girlfriend’s wishes on who gets to be in the delivery room MUST be respected. She will have the power to kick anyone out with the nurse’s assistance because she is the patient.

Read one of my thread regarding that issue.

Are there people who will be home to take care of her?

Again, ask your girlfriend. This was the #1 thing that my husband did that pissed me the F off... inviting his family from overseas to stay with us for WEEKS when I told him NO. The OP’s girlfriend will be so physically AND mentally exhausted that she will not want any visitors coming to see her and the baby on the day they come home from the hospital. I didn’t have a choice... my husband’s inlaws flew in from overseas with approved visas despite my wishes (and did it cause some HUGE stress and nasty fights in my marriage!). Thankfully they gave me space when I asked, but I was incredibly stressed out before going into labor.

Do you have someone who can do housework for her for a week or so?

Just to piggy back on this... once that baby comes, you will realize very quickly how so many chores and household projects will be placed on hold because your hands will be tied. You will be prioritizing like nobody’s business. If you got household projects... get that s*** done before the baby comes. Hire a house keeper. I was extremely lucky that my MIL was a house keeper back in her home country and she kept my house immaculate when I was home with the baby. Now? My house is a mess because I’ve been so busy caring for an infant (but would of been worse if she had not come to stay).

Did you buy a crib and baby clothes?

Big Ass Pro-Tip to save yourself money: Get those USED (and inspect before buying). The great thing about having babies and toddlers is that they do not give a s** about what they wear as long as it’s comfortable. Babies can outgrow sizes every 4-6 weeks that it is not uncommon for people who give hand-me-downs are brand new/still have the price tag attached. Also, babies are MESSY. They spit out feed and will defecate their clothes. There will be times at you cannot get the stains out, and have to throw it away. Try imagining throwing out a $15 “newish” baby outfit versus a $1 hand-me-down in the trash because your child had a massive poop blowout (it’s happened to me four times and my child is 7 weeks old).

Stalk community yard sales, Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, children’s consignment shops, kid bazaars, and flea markets for baby clothes. I make good income, but ended up buying unwanted new diapers, baby wipes, and a bottle warmer off an online market board under $10 TOGETHER when they would cost $50. I just got home from a flea market today and bought 30+ baby clothes for $60- some of which still had tags.

Hand me downs for clothes are great -had I not received many I would have considered consignment shops for sure. I would not buy a used crib and often they're not allowed to be sold and same for used infant car seat.

Unless you are in the military - can she relocate to live with you leading up to the baby coming? Are you looking for another job to be able to be there with her and your child when the baby comes on a permanent basis?

I apologize if I'm incorrect, but is this the same girl whom you met on vacation, and lives in another country?

I apologize if I'm incorrect, but is this the same girl whom you met on vacation, and lives in another country?

I was also wondering the same thing.