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Thread: Refuses to be forgotten? Ex and his pointless contact

  1. #1
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    Refuses to be forgotten? Ex and his pointless contact

    So I guess this is half vent/half question. My ex and I were together for 3 years and he did the slow fade on me towards the end, but he was also very hot and cold, (obvs more cold). It ended with a fight instigated by my insecurity which was instigated by his coldness...but I didnít know it had ended until 2 weeks later when I asked if he wanted to talk about what happened. Thatís when he broke up with me over text message.

    I could see on social media a week later he was with another girl, camping in the tent we had bought on my birthday last year, and camped in maybe 3 weeks beforeÖ Iím sure you can imagine how that absolutely destroyed me for a while... And I never contacted him after that unless he contacted me first, which he did, but Iíve always been brief.

    One of those more recent times he had sent me an email that started out about hiring me for a project he was working on, then a follow up saying he had gotten me a gift on his last trip. First he had asked for an address to send it, which I gave him. A few days later he randomly texted asking if I was in the area so he could give it to me, I said sure. Told me he decided to meet me in person cause sending it in the mail would be ďa d*** moveĒ as he put it. Ha. So we met for like 15 minutes by a train station near my house and then went our separate ways. A little weird. (Background on the gift: I went on a trip years ago and got us two matching wooden combs that we both adored, one day he saw that mine had broken in half [before the breakup], and this gift turned out to be the same comb from the same country.)

    Anyway back to the point lol, as soon as we broke up we unfollowed each other on social media and never reconnected. But ever since then once in a while he watches my stories on IG or likes my latest post. Again, he doesnít follow me. And there is no friendship in real life either. And of course Iíve stalked exes, but I would be so embarrassed if they knew. So there must be some intention other than just curiosity. I recently found out through a mutual friend he got married to the girl he started dating right after me. Not sure exactly when that happened but weíve been broken up a total of 7 months now, and this marriage happened at least a few months ago. It really hurt at first but now I'm over that too and simply hoped to never hear from him again.

    But just 2 weeks ago he sent me a video he made, with no message. Yesterday he liked another post of mine late at night. Last month (all in the same day) he watched my IG story, sent a text message with a video he made and nothing else, and an email asking me a industry-related question, which I answered politely with no additional response from himÖ

    Can someone please help me understand this behavior? It's amusing but more confusing and even frustrating than anything. I want to ask what the hell his problem is but not actually speak to him!

    My friend said itís guilt about being such an a-hole, but how does making it known that youíre checking on me alleviate guilt? Is he trying to make sure it's "all good" between us"? I never lashed out or told him I hate him, to never speak to me again or whatever, I always replied to his questions politely, how "good" does he want it between us?? Why did he think the gift was a good idea?!

    And if he is checking on me he probably can see that Iím with someone else now and finding success in my career so he really doesn't need to worry about having broken me anymore (although if he really cared about my feelings this all would have gone waaaay differently). And I feel like heís been avoiding actually talking to me because... how awkward would it be to explain that he got married a few months after our breakup? When he was always the one paranoid that I had someone on the side?

    I wonít block him, because that would show him that I care enough to be bothered. I think itís a major advantage for me that I never lashed out and cried and called him an for however it is that he ended up with that girl so quick. And now he sees me happy and successful, the end. But any idea on why he does this?

  2. #2
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    You are not blocking him because you want to feel that there is some connection between the two of you, and hope that someday he will return.

    You should have blocked this creep long ago. What an absolute insult to break up by text. i would also bet money he was cheating. Haven't you wanted enough time and energy on him. Move on with your life and block him. Stop holding on. He does not care about you. Remember, he married another.

    Why would you worry about what he thinks? Did he give a sh*t about you? Blocking shows that you have moved forward, but I know you are seeking validation.

  3. 10-05-2018, 01:46 AM
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    Inappropriate

  4. #3
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    I cannot believe that respond to the guy! Where is your self worth? You're actions clearly show him that you are not over him.

    You should not be dating. It's not fair to others.

  5. #4
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    Hollyj

    Nah. That might have been true at first but like I said I am in a new relationship and there is no longer any pain when I think of the ex. A little confusion and lots of reflection sure. But the worst is over now. Also, he is still paying my phone bill as we were on his family plan. This is the main reason I even respond politely. He contacted me about it months ago asking what I would do but said in the same conversation that he doesn't mind so... I could let my ego refuse this and make a big showy exit, or I could take advantage and let him pay! I think that's a much smarter revenge lol. I have already moved on.

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  7. #5
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I cannot believe that respond to the guy! Where is your self worth? You're actions clearly show him that you are not over him.

    You should not be dating. It's not fair to others.
    What actions show I'm not over him? Not fair to others??? what are you talking about dude? explain!

  8. #6
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    Originally Posted by blitzkrieged
    What actions show I'm not over him? Not fair to others??? what are you talking about dude? explain!
    By responding to him. Why would you waste any more energy on this guy? This guy treated you terribly, yet you respond when he reaches out in any little way.

    You should not be dating because you are clearly not over him. If you were, you would not be posting here, about this jerk. You would not care.

  9. #7
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    I do have to wonder how his wife feels about the hour long phone conversation and you being on his "family" phone plan that he pays for.

    I also wonder if he's trying to skulk his way into convincing you to have an affair.

  10. #8
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    Originally Posted by blitzkrieged
    Hollyj

    Nah. That might have been true at first but like I said I am in a new relationship and there is no longer any pain when I think of the ex. A little confusion and lots of reflection sure. But the worst is over now. Also, he is still paying my phone bill as we were on his family plan. This is the main reason I even respond politely. He contacted me about it months ago asking what I would do but said in the same conversation that he doesn't mind so... I could let my ego refuse this and make a big showy exit, or I could take advantage and let him pay! I think that's a much smarter revenge lol. I have already moved on.
    Get on your own plan. There is no excuse to keep this connection. What does his wife think?

    "or I could take advantage and let him pay! I think that's a much smarter revenge lol. I have already moved on." This is silly. Move on already!!! Stop holding on to this guy. Hon, you need to find some self respect. Also, if you are so successful now, you can certainly pay your bills. If a partner had disrespected me, the way your ex did, I would want no attachment,

    He does not respect you. I would bet money he thinks he can get some side action..
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-05-2018 at 02:14 AM.

  11. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I do have to wonder how his wife feels about the hour long phone conversation and you being on his "family" phone plan that he pays for.

    I also wonder if he's trying to skulk his way into convincing you to have an affair.
    There was no hour long phone conversation... Forget how she feels about the phone plan, how about getting me a gift and meeting up to give it to me? He didn't try anything though, didnt even suggest going somewhere besides the train station.

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Get on your own plan. There is no excuse to keep this connection. What does his wife think?

    "or I could take advantage and let him pay! I think that's a much smarter revenge lol. I have already moved on." This is silly. Move on already!!! Stop holding on to this guy. Hon, you need to find some self respect. Also, if you are so successful now, you can certainly pay your bills. If a partner had disrespected me, the way your ex did, I would want no attachment,

    He does not respect you. I would bet money he thinks he can get some side action..
    Ok calm your . You seem like a very anxious person that instantly jumps to the worst possible conclusion. How the hell should I know what his wife thinks??! She probably doesn't even know but that's far from the point.

    And you keep talking about my self respect like you know me. Answering a question directly to an ex is not a lack of self respect, it takes maturity if you ask me, especially when I could be going nuts on him, but I chose to move on with my dignity in tact because even showing that he hurt me is more than I want to give him. Blocking does not show I have moved on, it shows I'm too heartbroken/butthurt to handle him existing somewhere on the same planet as I. And if you're sooo successful wah wah wah... BTW, did you know that success doesn't automatically mean lots of money all the time?

    I will get my own plan eventually, duh. But please do tell me what's wrong with saving hundreds of dollars other than your projected pride issues? You don't think I've wanted to cut the phone line and burn all the nice stuff he's given me out of anger?... I have, until I realized that was only because of my ego and my irrational emotions which came and went... and guess what I still have my nice stuff and don't regret it one bit.

    Maybe he doesn't respect me but he's still paying that bill with absolutely no effort or asking on my part so what do I have to lose?! Have you ever showed up day in and day out to a job that doesn't respect you just to pay the bills? Well then maybe you need some self respect hun ;)
    Last edited by blitzkrieged; 10-05-2018 at 03:12 AM.

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