Issues with girlfriend of 2 years

I've been in a pretty steady relationship with my girlfriend and usually things are very well between us. I go to school and she has a full time job which makes it harder for us to communicate. However she has had an overly flirtatious co-worker, which makes me uncomfortable as he leaves comments complimenting her on her or our posts, making flirty remarks at work, and being touchy and being too close for personal space. I see him as a borderline creep. She recognizes this is weird, but she told me she enjoys the attention and that it feels nice to be complimented even though its weird. I was shocked as i felt that i was doing something wrong, maybe i wasn't giving her enough attention or complimenting enough. She told me that i do enough which confused me and i told her to tell the guy to knock it off or report it. She said she already told him to stop, but he continues and she told me that's just how he is and she likes the attention. I told her its obvious he's just trying to hook up, because he has done it with her other co-workers, but she says that's not what he's trying to do and that she wouldn't it let it go that far. She continues to talk with this guy and they text each other often, usually i look over and he's sent a bunch of messages to her I was frustrated and continued until the past 2 days we haven't contacted each other too much. I called her and we talked for 5 minutes, before she said the guy was calling her and she'll call me back later, this resulted in 3 hours of me waiting for a call back, which when she did eventually call back and i told her what happened and she just said they talked and i saw this as she would rather talk to him than me. I asked her what she's thinking about this guy. She said he's weird, but he shows that he cares and is nice to her because he's helped her in the store with people and that he would fight for her. She believes you should show people you love them by fighting people that disrespect them and she says if i did love her i would have tried harder and i should get mad more and try to talk to her more, basically chase after her. I'm the person who if someone says something mean, i ignore it and i tell her not to let what others say get her mad all the time. She made it seem like this guy has helped her so much and disregarded what I've done when i was with her i was there for her depression, i helped her stop cutting, i helped her in the loss of a parent, and other events where she had no one to talk to and i always listened, so it hurt. She told me i was just insecure and that he was just complimenting her, she said i was being controlling that i blew it out of proportion, she said there was nothing wrong with her liking what he told her and the attention he gave her. I told her there's a difference between a compliment and flirting. I asked her that we should take a break, but i don't know what to do next, am i in the wrong and just being insecure? Thank you for the advice.

It sounds like monkey branching to me, where she may well be looking to swing up to the higher branch because he is giving her more attention in the way that she wants it.

That you are studying and he is working, so has money; that she would rather speak to him than you, that she compares his behaviour to yours and finds you lacking, that you are acting all insecure about it.... These all suggest she might not be as happy with your relationship as you might think. And by asking for a break, you are pretty much handing him the keys to your joy wagon. Her unspoken ultimatum that you 'man up' or you'll lose her, speaks plenty of her regard for you.

Honestly, a woman that is willing to entertain someone else over the man she supposedly loves, is not a woman you should be with. Let her go and find someone that cares for you more than the attention of another guy.

Well, I think that in describing her problems and personality you've described someone who craves attention, even by a creepy guy. I think most girls would have told this guy to knock it off that she has a boyfriend. Since she refuses to, I think eventually she'll be moving on since you're not giving her the exaggerated attention she wants. I'm afraid you'll get no credit for dealing with her cutting and the death of her parent. She was happy with your attention for a while, but now she's getting more from someone else. Sorry. But you should find a nice girl with less problems who will love you instead of using you.

She is emotionally cheating on you and she’s loving the attention of some other guy.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even listen to all the other things she is saying - that you are controlling, that she wants more attention, that you are insecure, etc. These are just things she is saying in an attempt to make you feel bad so that she can keep having her cake and eating it too.

If she genuinely wanted more attention from you or for you to stand up for her, etc., a woman worth her salt would simply have these conversations with you. Not try to make you jealous by pitting you against another guy.

I think you should dump her and find a healthy woman who knows how to communicate her needs rather than resorting to attention-seeking and manipulation.

Time to tell her to hit the road.

An emotionally unhealthy person is bound to act in emotionally unhealthy ways. Eventually, no matter your relationship to them, you end up on the other end of the stick.

Take it as a lesson learned the hard way. Do not take on someone looking to be rescued next time around. Look for someone self sufficient and emotionally healthy. This doesn't mean a person will be perfect, it just means you'll have some grounds to reasonably trust them.

She's getting ready to jump ship and right into her new crush's arms.

I'm sorry OP. but she is showing you very clearly that she is not into you or your relationship anymore. It's time to call it a day.

In my opinion she is actively trying to make you jealous. She enjoys telling you about the amount of attention she gets, and hangs up with you to speak to him for 3 hours?? You could give her all the attention in the world and it still wouldn't be enough. She has admittedly said she enjoys it, so why would she tell him to stop? Apparently she believes in showing love an affection through jealousy and starting arguments with strangers on her behalf. This is not healthy. Quit playing her games. She is making you out to be insecure, but she is clearly giving you reasons to doubt her relationship with this guy. As another poster said, look for a emotionally healthy and stable person to get into a relationship with next time around.

The fact that she spoke with this man for 3 hours when she had the option to talk with you speaks volumes.

She likes this man.

Whats even worse is, she is disrespecting you by acting this way right in front of you and pretending she doesn't like him.

Honestly OP, no matter what she says, don't be shocked if she leaves you to be with him sometime soon.

i helped her stop cutting

- helped her stop cutting what - her wrists? crazy people are really tough to have relationships with. For best results, pick someone who is better than you are.

She says you should get mad more and fight for her yet can say that you’re being overprotective and jealous over this co worker she’s been shockingly inappropriate with? I’d break up with her and never look back.

I see it as emotional cheating and emotional abuse. Hopefully that’s all it’s been so far. If you leave her first and don’t let her back then if nothing else you can have your head held high that you left a toxic relationship and respected yourself enough to do so.

If you do, she’ll come back around after her time with the creep fades but then you can have the pleasure of tell her to kick rocks.

Sorry to say, but she's playing a lot of head games. Drama queen, passive-aggressive tactics, manipulating, cutting, etc. Basically she's a toxic headache you don't need in your life. She's using games and stories about this guy to mess with you. Don't take the bait. End it.

She said he's weird, but he shows that he cares and is nice to her because he's helped her in the store with people and that he would fight for her. She believes you should show people you love them by fighting people that disrespect them and she says if i did love her i would have tried harder and i should get mad more and try to talk to her more, basically chase after her.