Has anyone had this happen?

I’m not “healing from a break up” (I am in the present moment but it’s more than that). I’m healing from every single relationship I’ve lost, pushed away, or sabotaged.

That point in life, where you know, that everything you did was for the wrong reasons. That the instant gratification overcame your true desires. Desires you knew existed, but were afraid to reach for.

The “no contact” rule becomes irrelevant. Interpreting texts or words are no longer what you’re thinking about. You’re not outweighing the good days over the bad days or vice versa.

When days you go not contacting your exes turn in to years without notice.

You meet people, you live and love in the moment until the fear, that you’re not aware of, crawls up and shuts you down and you lose. Not lose the moments, because those moments teach you things, but lose people, opportunities, and sight of your desires. You give in to fear.

It feels like this recent loss was inevitable. If I didn’t lose her now, I would have later. If I had a child with her, I’d lose the chance to raise our child together. It’s scary to me that I could’ve had a child by now. It’s literally the biggest wake up call I’ve ever had.

I can’t even grasp the idea that everything I ever wanted was right in front of me, and at the same time, I would have lost everything I’ve ever wanted so easily.

How do you move on? How do you forget how close you were? How do you shut that off without shutting down (again)?

I am not familiar to your story, so I cant tell if youre genuinely asking for answers to abstract concepts or if you're just venting.

I think its venting.

Carry on, were here for you.

I am not familiar to your story, so I cant tell if youre genuinely asking for answers to abstract concepts or if you're just venting.

 

I think its venting.

 

Carry on, were here for you.

Venting/asking. It feels like my world has been turned upside down. Somehow it also makes sense and I’m happier.

Venting/asking. It feels like my world has been turned upside down. Somehow it also makes sense and I’m happier.

I've been there and it hurts. You can see your mistakes clearly and it's painful. But at the same time you need to accept that it's in the past and that you didn't know better or couldn't do better. These times are amazing to learn and become a better person for the next relationship if you push through the pain.

I've been there and it hurts. You can see your mistakes clearly and it's painful. But at the same time you need to accept that it's in the past and that you didn't know better or couldn't do better. These times are amazing to learn and become a better person for the next relationship if you push through the pain.

It’s more than just a romantic relationship though it’s crazy.

I told my boss “no” for the first time in 9 years. Trust me I was on his beck and call and I’d be stressed at home because I was afraid to lose my paycheck. Professionally of course because I’m not a “bad employee.”

I gave this guy a 6 week notice, yet 4 days out he still gives me crap about the responsibilities that I am stepping away from.

It’s just a whole different type of clarity.

I really feel for you. And can really relate. Yes, I've had this happen, and sometimes it feels like it is ALL that is happening, always.

Since I don't know your story, I'll take a philosophical route. I think the fact is that life, from one angle, can be viewed as an extended lesson in pain management. We get hurt, and inflict hurt, in ways big and small from essentially day one. The hurt inflicted on us a children leaves a big mark, because we are at our most vulnerable; whereas the hurt we inflict on others as children doesn't leave such a mark, for almost the same reason.

Put more bluntly: a father abandoning a child hurts the child for life; a child yelling "I hate you, dad!" in a moment of anguish is something the child quickly forgets. (How well dad processes that moment, meanwhile, is his own business, based on his own pain-management skills. If they are poor, he resents his child and himself in the process; if they are healthy, he forgives in a split second; he let's go.)

Then comes the minefield of growing up, and being a grownup, where in the process of self-discovery (professionally, romantically, all of it) we are essentially just variables in our own crazy experiment. And we mess up A LOT. We mix this liquid with that and burn down the chem lab when we thought we were curing cancer. We experience profound joy and connection, yes. But we make choices that hurt people and ourselves, and that connection becomes the burned down chem lab. We have feelings that hurt other's feelings. We do the best we can, but we end up hurt of hurting. And the thing is that now it is simply our responsibility, nothing that was done to us but something that we did. The weight is real.

Still with me? Bare with me. I'm using big words but really I'm just sharing my own hurt, in hopes that it helps you.

And much as we try to process and purge that hurt—to lighten the load, to let go—a residue remains inside of us, not unlike that childhood hurt. It's why the 50 year old living a solid life of integrity still might cringe a bit at the moment in high school when he made out with his girlfriend's best friend. To you and I, that "sin" is forgivable; to him forgiving is still a process. A little piece of him is maybe atoning, and maybe his life of integrity is actually in small part a life of atonement. Again, pain management. Life. It's why at 39 I still hate pieces of who I was at 27—and why right when I think I've learned to love myself, past and present, something happens to challenge that love. I'm still figuring it out, too.

I don't know your story. But I know the feeling you seem to be describing. Guilt, confusion, frustration. Your sins are forgivable to me without even knowing them, but you are struggling and I'm sorry.

What comes out in your few words is the sense that maybe you thought you were ready, in the cosmic sense, that the past is the past, that you'd grown. But something came along that reminded you that the past is still inside of you in a way you haven't reckoned with. And maybe that led you to hurt someone. And it hurts. You hurt. Because it turns out you are not quite as tall as you thought, which can feel an awfully lot like not quite being the person you thought you were.

I think it's inevitable that new romance, even at its most cursory, triggers and stirs the wounds of the past, can bring to the surface those "sins" we have not fully processed. It sucks. It is overwhelming af. The nice date is followed by inexplicable despair, and the second date is called off, and once again you realize you're not quite who you thought out were. Back to square one. Except you're no longer a child. Or it gets way past that nice date; months pass, connection forms, bodies collide, all the right lights seem to be clicking on, and then there is the record scratch. Feelings shift. You make the best choice you can, but still: hurt. Back to square one. Ugh.

But it's not square one. It's just life. And it's okay. In fact, it's beautiful. The flailing is the beauty, even when it feels like despair.

Like Annia said, like I'm trying to express in my roundabout way, I've been in the place where something in the present shines a new light on past mistakes and the sting comes back. The sting can really destabilize, because it turns into guilt, more weight.

Deep breaths. That's the pain management part, and whatever you're going through this is just a moment to learn to manage it, not to give in to it and create a fatalistic story about yourself. Which is so, so hard, I know. I have those stories inside me too. They really hurt.

For whatever it's worth, one thing I've learned to say to myself in these times is this: that I am more fragile than I know. I say that because it's true, and will always be true, and if I can learn to put that foot forward I can manage the weight a little bit better.

I really feel for you. And can really relate. Yes, I've had this happen, and sometimes it feels like it is ALL that is happening, always.

 

Since I don't know your story, I'll take a philosophical route. I think the fact is that life, from one angle, can be viewed as an extended lesson in pain management. We get hurt, and inflict hurt, in ways big and small from essentially day one. The hurt inflicted on us a children leaves a big mark, because we are at our most vulnerable; whereas the hurt we inflict on others as children doesn't leave such a mark, for almost the same reason.

 

Put more bluntly: a father abandoning a child hurts the child for life; a child yelling "I hate you, dad!" in a moment of anguish is something the child quickly forgets. (How well dad processes that moment, meanwhile, is his own business, based on his own pain-management skills. If they are poor, he resents his child and himself in the process; if they are healthy, he forgives in a split second; he let's go.)

 

Then comes the minefield of growing up, and being a grownup, where in the process of self-discovery (professionally, romantically, all of it) we are essentially just variables in our own crazy experiment. And we mess up A LOT. We mix this liquid with that and burn down the chem lab when we thought we were curing cancer. We experience profound joy and connection, yes. But we make choices that hurt people and ourselves, and that connection becomes the burned down chem lab. We have feelings that hurt other's feelings. We do the best we can, but we end up hurt of hurting. And the thing is that now it is simply our responsibility, nothing that was done to us but something that we did. The weight is real.

 

Still with me? Bare with me. I'm using big words but really I'm just sharing my own hurt, in hopes that it helps you.

 

And much as we try to process and purge that hurt—to lighten the load, to let go—a residue remains inside of us, not unlike that childhood hurt. It's why the 50 year old living a solid life of integrity still might cringe a bit at the moment in high school when he made out with his girlfriend's best friend. To you and I, that "sin" is forgivable; to him forgiving is still a process. A little piece of him is maybe atoning, and maybe his life of integrity is actually in small part a life of atonement. Again, pain management. Life. It's why at 39 I still hate pieces of who I was at 27—and why right when I think I've learned to love myself, past and present, something happens to challenge that love. I'm still figuring it out, too.

 

I don't know your story. But I know the feeling you seem to be describing. Guilt, confusion, frustration. Your sins are forgivable to me without even knowing them, but you are struggling and I'm sorry.

 

What comes out in your few words is the sense that maybe you thought you were ready, in the cosmic sense, that the past is the past, that you'd grown. But something came along that reminded you that the past is still inside of you in a way you haven't reckoned with. And maybe that led you to hurt someone. And it hurts. You hurt. Because it turns out you are not quite as tall as you thought, which can feel an awfully lot like not quite being the person you thought you were.

 

I think it's inevitable that new romance, even at its most cursory, triggers and stirs the wounds of the past, can bring to the surface those "sins" we have not fully processed. It sucks. It is overwhelming af. The nice date is followed by inexplicable despair, and the second date is called off, and once again you realize you're not quite who you thought out were. Back to square one. Except you're no longer a child. Or it gets way past that nice date; months pass, connection forms, bodies collide, all the right lights seem to be clicking on, and then there is the record scratch. Feelings shift. You make the best choice you can, but still: hurt. Back to square one. Ugh.

 

But it's not square one. It's just life. And it's okay. In fact, it's beautiful. The flailing is the beauty, even when it feels like despair.

 

Like Annia said, like I'm trying to express in my roundabout way, I've been in the place where something in the present shines a new light on past mistakes and the sting comes back. The sting can really destabilize, because it turns into guilt, more weight.

 

Deep breaths. That's the pain management part, and whatever you're going through this is just a moment to learn to manage it, not to give in to it and create a fatalistic story about yourself. Which is so, so hard, I know. I have those stories inside me too. They really hurt.

 

For whatever it's worth, one thing I've learned to say to myself in these times is this: that I am more fragile than I know. I say that because it's true, and will always be true, and if I can learn to put that foot forward I can manage the weight a little bit better.

Those words are very meaningful. I’m actually always looking forward to reading what you write.

In a big way, I feel happy today. Happier than two days ago. Not knowing what’s going to happen but knowing that I am a little stronger now to say no to the things I don’t want.

I will always miss the things I had and the people that got close to me that are no longer here. Any trauma good or bad, and any people I’ve had and lost lead me to be the person that I am today. Knowing “right from wrong.” Knowing that I can hurt people and I will but it won’t be out of selfishness.

Will I always say no to benefit myself for the future? No clue. But at least in that moment, I will feel good where as before, I’d say “no” and feel bad.

You wrote a motorcycle metaphor in one of my threads. I started wearing a helmet. I’m not happy thinking I’ll never crash, I’m happy thinking that if I do, I may not die. That I did my best.

And my boss is a little misguided much like I was. We have similar backgrounds. I followed in his footsteps seeing the things he can afford, thinking he seemed “happy.” I wasn’t happy and I don’t feel like he is either.

The point is I will now please myself and go after what I think is important and to me that has never been money, girls, being a workaholic, etc. those things just made me feel important. They didn’t make me happy.

I really feel for you. And can really relate. Yes, I've had this happen, and sometimes it feels like it is ALL that is happening, always.

 

Since I don't know your story, I'll take a philosophical route. I think the fact is that life, from one angle, can be viewed as an extended lesson in pain management. We get hurt, and inflict hurt, in ways big and small from essentially day one. The hurt inflicted on us a children leaves a big mark, because we are at our most vulnerable; whereas the hurt we inflict on others as children doesn't leave such a mark, for almost the same reason.

 

Put more bluntly: a father abandoning a child hurts the child for life; a child yelling "I hate you, dad!" in a moment of anguish is something the child quickly forgets. (How well dad processes that moment, meanwhile, is his own business, based on his own pain-management skills. If they are poor, he resents his child and himself in the process; if they are healthy, he forgives in a split second; he let's go.)

 

Then comes the minefield of growing up, and being a grownup, where in the process of self-discovery (professionally, romantically, all of it) we are essentially just variables in our own crazy experiment. And we mess up A LOT. We mix this liquid with that and burn down the chem lab when we thought we were curing cancer. We experience profound joy and connection, yes. But we make choices that hurt people and ourselves, and that connection becomes the burned down chem lab. We have feelings that hurt other's feelings. We do the best we can, but we end up hurt of hurting. And the thing is that now it is simply our responsibility, nothing that was done to us but something that we did. The weight is real.

 

Still with me? Bare with me. I'm using big words but really I'm just sharing my own hurt, in hopes that it helps you.

 

And much as we try to process and purge that hurt—to lighten the load, to let go—a residue remains inside of us, not unlike that childhood hurt. It's why the 50 year old living a solid life of integrity still might cringe a bit at the moment in high school when he made out with his girlfriend's best friend. To you and I, that "sin" is forgivable; to him forgiving is still a process. A little piece of him is maybe atoning, and maybe his life of integrity is actually in small part a life of atonement. Again, pain management. Life. It's why at 39 I still hate pieces of who I was at 27—and why right when I think I've learned to love myself, past and present, something happens to challenge that love. I'm still figuring it out, too.

 

I don't know your story. But I know the feeling you seem to be describing. Guilt, confusion, frustration. Your sins are forgivable to me without even knowing them, but you are struggling and I'm sorry.

 

What comes out in your few words is the sense that maybe you thought you were ready, in the cosmic sense, that the past is the past, that you'd grown. But something came along that reminded you that the past is still inside of you in a way you haven't reckoned with. And maybe that led you to hurt someone. And it hurts. You hurt. Because it turns out you are not quite as tall as you thought, which can feel an awfully lot like not quite being the person you thought you were.

 

I think it's inevitable that new romance, even at its most cursory, triggers and stirs the wounds of the past, can bring to the surface those "sins" we have not fully processed. It sucks. It is overwhelming af. The nice date is followed by inexplicable despair, and the second date is called off, and once again you realize you're not quite who you thought out were. Back to square one. Except you're no longer a child. Or it gets way past that nice date; months pass, connection forms, bodies collide, all the right lights seem to be clicking on, and then there is the record scratch. Feelings shift. You make the best choice you can, but still: hurt. Back to square one. Ugh.

 

But it's not square one. It's just life. And it's okay. In fact, it's beautiful. The flailing is the beauty, even when it feels like despair.

 

Like Annia said, like I'm trying to express in my roundabout way, I've been in the place where something in the present shines a new light on past mistakes and the sting comes back. The sting can really destabilize, because it turns into guilt, more weight.

 

Deep breaths. That's the pain management part, and whatever you're going through this is just a moment to learn to manage it, not to give in to it and create a fatalistic story about yourself. Which is so, so hard, I know. I have those stories inside me too. They really hurt.

 

For whatever it's worth, one thing I've learned to say to myself in these times is this: that I am more fragile than I know. I say that because it's true, and will always be true, and if I can learn to put that foot forward I can manage the weight a little bit better.

This is good. I really relate to this it pretty much describes what I am going through right now. The part about being abandoned by your father...yeah my dad never left but he was a bad alcoholic all throughout my childhood and although there in physical form he took no interest in me, except to criticize or punish. To this day we don't talk and basically have no relationship. And I feel like those scars are still distorting my choices and behavior to this day...it sucks but I guess we just have to let go of all the thoughts and drama and appreciate being alive. Like you said not to create a fatalistic story about ourselves.

And my boss is a little misguided much like I was. We have similar backgrounds. I followed in his footsteps seeing the things he can afford, thinking he seemed “happy.” I wasn’t happy and I don’t feel like he is either.

The point is I will now please myself and go after what I think is important and to me that has never been money, girls, being a workaholic, etc. those things just made me feel important. They didn’t make me happy.

So, this sounds amazing! This is the flow, you know? Riding the waves? Forgive the pat metaphors, but I spend a lot of time in yoga studios and in oceans, largely because those are places that help lighten the load and understand the load. The pose I try to hold on Wednesday is agony; the same pose on Friday is bliss. Same body, different day. Come Monday it might be agony again. No rhyme or reason. You just hold it. You hang in there.

So, yeah, hang in there. Remember yesterday, feel today. They are the same thing, really. Divide on by the other and in the middle is you.

@cantgiveup Oh, I hear you. I'm not going to hijack this thread, but suffice to say that my relationship with my father is the big cloud that hangs over all the others. The forever cloud that I'm still learning how to weather with grace.

Walking through fear is a HUGE risk that many people never take. It takes courage and vulnerability to change self-defeating, fear based behaviors.

It seems like you have come to an important realization... that you can only find happiness when you are your authentic self, when what you do aligns with your values and what is important to you. It's interesting that when you tried to imitate your boss you found it didn't make you happy... we often try to be like someone we admire, and find at the end of the day we are not happy trying to be like them because... we aren't them, we are ourselves.

In answer to your first question... can we shut it off without shutting down? The answer in my experience is no. BUT... we don't have to act on how we feel. We can just feel it and let it go, and choose a different path.

Walking through fear is a HUGE risk that many people never take. It takes courage and vulnerability to change self-defeating, fear based behaviors.

 

It seems like you have come to an important realization... that you can only find happiness when you are your authentic self, when what you do aligns with your values and what is important to you. It's interesting that when you tried to imitate your boss you found it didn't make you happy... we often try to be like someone we admire, and find at the end of the day we are not happy trying to be like them because... we aren't them, we are ourselves.

 

In answer to your first question... can we shut it off without shutting down? The answer in my experience is no. BUT... we don't have to act on how we feel. We can just feel it and let it go, and choose a different path.

I feel like my struggle lies between, not acting on how I feel, and still being myself.

Which then spins me back around to empathy. Which in turn, spins me to deciding who to let in and who to kick out. Which brings me, again to the people I’ve lost. Especially this last girl.

I guess I’m back at empathy so the days will turn in to months and then to years. I’m just scared.

This used to be nothing a “high” can’t fix.

That was venting. I’ll get there.

And here I am back at home after a fun night out at a pool league my co-worker invited me out to sub at.

It’s an open wound that i don’t know how to close. My difference in thinking has kept me off of dating sites or wearing a new outfit, working out, impressing people, looking at YouTube videos, reading articles, searching posts.

There are people in my life I’ve shared this with. The pain I feel, why I acted the way I did. Parents, friends, and co-workers. Some care, some listen and move on. Yet here I am at home and thinking about people I can’t share this with. The ones that wanted me to come to this point but gave up on waiting. The one girl that got me here at home alone thinking of her.

I’ve talked about a break up plenty of times on this forum. Every one hurt less and less. It was intense every time, but it was in a different state of mind.

Now I am missing the person that got me here. I can’t tell her this because she made the choice that she felt was best for her. She was right and I can’t hold back the tears.

This is the most pain I’ve ever felt. How do I heal?

This is the most pain I’ve ever felt. How do I heal?

Doing what you are doing now... staying busy, talking about it, not rushing into something new to distract yourself, allowing yourself to cry and feel your feelings. As you allow yourself to feel the pain, it will become less and less over time.

I speak from experience in a lot of ways. Growing up with parents that were not happy or loving people, I always felt disconnected and like I didn't fit in anywhere. Kids didn't understand me because I was so shut down and sad all the time... that turned into being bullied as I got older. And that bullying transitioned into my adult life in various relationships.

No one taught me how to be open, vulnerable, or how to connect with others in an appropriate way. No one taught me how to stand up for myself in a healthy way. I turned to all sorts of unhealthy ways to cope with my low self esteem, low confidence, and low self worth.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I really started to understand what a healthy relationship looked like and felt like. By relationships, I mean relationships with friends, family and myself.

I am certain our stories are different, however at the end of the day the feelings are the same... I can relate to everything you are feeling right now.

Open wounds get closed when we take risks to do healthy things for ourselves, to make good decisions, to be true to our values. By doing this we allow them to heal instead of ripping them open time and time again. And sometimes we have to be vulnerable and allow others to guide our decisions if we are not capable of making good decisions for ourselves.

This is why I like this forum... I come here and post the things that are going on in my head and get all sorts of objective insight, much of which is hard to hear and uncomfortable, but is important for me to hear.

Keep your chin up... I know you are looking for instant gratification and a way to erase the pain, but that doesn't exist. Like someone said to me the other day... finding forgiveness for yourself will help you move on and move forward.

Growing pains. At least I’m not in the same dark place I was for years. I didn’t even know that place existed. I have moments where I feel great. It’s just sometimes when I’m home it comes in and I feel like crap about everything. The fight or flight reflex comes in but I feel like I’ve been flying for a very long time. Time to fight.

Home again and here it comes. Not as bad as last night but I’m still not sure how to let go of control. I know I have to.

I felt like this was going to be easy if this ever happened with her. I felt like I’ve survived before, I’ll survive again. It wasn’t until an fn newsflash truck hit me after the fact, and my whole world turned upside down.

I now realize I never had a real heartbreak but I’ve caused them. Ive had moments of loss that I was upset about. Some moments were longer than others but all hurt just the same. Now, those moments of loss, are turning in to heartbreaks. Relationships I ran away from and people who could’ve loved me more than I allowed them to are now always on my mind. Relationships I pushed away, and the ones I missed are all in my head. The most painful part is that it was me.

She probably thinks it’s a problem with self control. That I was just an addict who happened to be in to “instant gratification.” All I wanted was to connect. To meet someone to start a family with and to give them more than what I “had.”

I guess the upside is that now, that I understand a little more about life, I can help my future kids to be more comfortable. To teach them that connection is more important than acceptance.

Since I was 7 all I wanted was to connect but I had a major hurdle. Language barrier mixed with losing everything I ever grew in to. I gave up the urge to connect for the urge to be accepted.

Now me as a dumpee, has to sit here and realize this, and talk to empathetic strangers on the internet. I know relationships take work so maybe she didn’t communicate? (knowing what I know now, she never stood a chance). Maybe she has her own issues she’s not aware of like I wasn’t? Maybe I met her for this reason and it was just terrible timing for her? It just feels like such a crappy thing to do to someone just to “learn a lesson” and be ok with walking away and ignoring the memory of her. My mind is all over the place.

I live alone. My family is hours away. The closest relationships I’ve had for the last 10 years were women i dated. Now I feel like the closest relationships I’ve had is with you guys. Thank you for listening.

Maybe coming to these realizations after meeting another beautiful person, and losing them isn’t the best way to heal after a break up.

I’m reading All About Love by Bell Hooks and it makes me cringe how little I understood. Makes this one a life changer.

Hey man I can totally relate to how you feel. Our situation is a little different, I broke up with her but came to regret it pretty bitterly. Same thing I am trying to stay busy and went out and played in a poker league last night. I won and felt ok for a little bit but then when I get home yeah it all kinda hits. And then the worst is when I wake up in the morning.

Also like you I don't have very many close friends or close family nearby. My mom passed away and I am estranged from my dad and although my sister and I sort of get along cordially, the relationship had never been close and there have been many fights and periods where she has been mad at me and vice-versa. Obviously these factors make dealing with a breakup even harder.

I also get what you are saying about reading these self-help books after everything had fallen apart and realizing all the mistakes and things you could have handled better. I decided to stop reading and researching these things for right now and focus on getting to feeling better first. So I am trying to fill up my time with activities and finally started working out again. I really recommend exercise as it is the only thing that has made a difference for me as far as mood. Then once I get to feeling better I am definetly going to study up on love and relationships to make sure something like this never happens again.

You seem to be pretty smart and I'm sure you'll get there. Sometimes being smart can be a double edged sword though as it (at least for me) leads to over using your logic and analysis and you just end up dwelling on things forever.

Anyways man I can relate to how you feel and you're not alone out there. At least your not like me and having also the regret of ending things poorly and then wanting the girl back and realizing how poorly you handled it. She was the one who left you so you can know that you never had a chance to fix things. For me I was the one who gave up that chance.

I’m sorry about what you’re going through man. I appreciate the kind words. I really wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Not that I even had the chance to create one. I was a guys guy, fit in everywhere, have a decent sense of humor, etc. My toxicity, I feel like cane from my mentor/boss for the last 9 years mixed with a rough time adapting to new environment spelled a recipie for disaster.

This girl and I never fought we had a great time together and although I had a slight feeling it was coming, it still hit me like a truck. Truth is I loved my life like it was always coming. That nothing I would do will last so I found the only thing I thought would make me happy in the moment. It wasn’t drugs but it could have been that just as easily.

I used to work out, and I admit that helped tremendously. My self confidence increases ten fold. The only problem was I had a very dark misguided perception of life. Now I don’t want to say I will never work out or eat healthy by right now I feel like I have to work from the inside out.

I highly recommend the book I’m reading. I find it less to be a self help kind of book, but one that teaches about love. Not towards a specific person or thing, but self love and love for others. It narrates my life to a T. It’s more of an opener to another world that I kept out because of fear.

If she came back tomorrow I wouldn’t take her back even though I would give everything up to hear from her again. I’m not ready.

I’m quitting my job and going to work for less pay and even if my boss offers me $500/hr I would decline. This is a new road for me. Everything from my past still stabs me every now and then but I am very much looking forward to the future.

I hear you everyone takes a different approach. Although your mind is part of your body so the diet and exercise do directly affect your mental state. Just food for thought (pun intended).

I wish I could say me and her never fought we did fight quite a bit. And there were a few times I wanted to break up with her but I never stepped back and looked at how I was contributing to the messed up dynamic.

So are you guys in complete NC? I have been NIC with mine she is still contacting me about trivial things even though she is together with some girl now.

Anyways man good luck to both of us, to use a cliche, this too will pass.

I hear you everyone takes a different approach. Although your mind is part of your body so the diet and exercise do directly affect your mental state. Just food for thought (pun intended).

 

I wish I could say me and her never fought we did fight quite a bit. And there were a few times I wanted to break up with her but I never stepped back and looked at how I was contributing to the messed up dynamic.

 

So are you guys in complete NC? I have been NIC with mine she is still contacting me about trivial things even though she is together with some girl now.

 

Anyways man good luck to both of us, to use a cliche, this too will pass.

For sure. Don’t get me wrong every day I think of picking up some weights. But I still haven’t brought myself to do so. I still work, and I see friends, write out my thoughts etc.

I feel like sometimes it’s hard to step outside of the situation and analyze it objectively. It’s even harder when your form of objective thinking is clouded by fear (in my case).

I sent her just a few messages since we broke up. Two didn’t require a response but the third one kind of did. She responded lovingly and asked for space so she could heal. She still follows me in some social media although I deleted her off mine. Not sure why but trying not to think about it. I’m not really counting days either. Like I said, if she reached out tomorrow I wouldn’t be ready.

Whether she’ll ever know how much she affected me or not is not something I can help. I hope I get to see her again but there’s nothing I can do anymore.