What is the healthiest way to handle this roller coaster of emotions?

Hi everyone, so not so long ago my boyfriend of 8 months which is older than me, we were talking and I guess that during our conversation something triggered him to talk about a girl, who last year (Feb-2017) he met in his work area, she is a Senior management administrator of a beautiful building and he is part of a group of engineers who were working in that building, so he told me that she was very flirtatious, he thought she was engaged because of a ring she had, but then she appeared without the ring, cause her boyfriend had dumped her for his ex girlfriend, so well my boyfriend which by that time was single and we had not still not met each other , started going out with her, and getting to know each other, this girl was always flirting with him, and so he felt attracted to her quickly, thereby felt many illusions quickly, the point is they did not have a relationship, it never got to the point of boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship (they did not even have sex) he told me that he got tired cause she was too Diva, but also that she was too insecure and was not balanced mentally (According to my boyfriend) so he got bored of her excuses, and her behavior I guess, so that ended.

So a weekend when we were together, he brought her up, I do remember when him and I started dating he talked very superficially about her, barely nothing, but know he opened more about her and who is she and more detailed explanations, So I felt a little insecure when he brought her up(Especially when he said that she is very pretty,looks like a model,has a great job, etc,, This really made me feel DOWN!!!) cause I had seen a picture of her on his Facebook( BTW me and My boyfriend don't have each other on Facebook, months ago he told me his profile user name, to add each other but I never did),so this girl that I had seen on his friends list, I had assumed it was the same girl he had mentioned at the beginning, and in fact it was her, so I knew how she looked physically,She does have a similar style/prototype like me.

But now for some weird reason, I feel the curiosity to see how she looks like, to see her pictures and compare myself to her, and see who is hotter, prettier, best body all his nonsense. I don't want to say it's an obsession, but I get very curious about all of this, Am I being insecure for feeling this way? or is it normal curiosity, or just to even compare myself to another girl that my boyfriend had something with. I just feel very curious, I just hope he is not with me, because that girl and me have a similar prototype. I feel as if I wanted to know who he finds better if me or her, physically speaking, but I don't dare to ask him, I don't think that I wont. I am going to be honest, I don't want to sound cocky or like if I am trying to put her down, I admit she is pretty, but the way that my boyfriend described her or talked about her, was not what I was expecting, I thought she was like some gorgeous 5'9 model, beautiful face, hair, everything, So I felt very shocked, like surprise when I saw her picture, I was thinking something WOW, but not Really,as I said she is pretty, cute girl, normal to me, just my opinion.

I dont know why I felt so down or belittled when he mentioned her to me, maybe shock, a little jealousy, insecure???.

You've got to calm yourself here. As they say beauty is only skin deep. Your boyfriend has a relationship with you. He doesn't have it with this girl. And that's a big difference. My wife, for example, can't compare to the beauty of Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, or Charlize Theron, but she's mine and she's the one I love. So you should keep that in mind.

Of course, I make sure I don't talk about any old girlfriends. I think it's rude. I don't think he meant anything by mentioning her, but don't get carried away and don't let it shake you. He's with you now and don't push him away by getting jealous.

When he keeps bringing her up mention jokingly "do you have a thing for her?". See how he responds. But stop the social media 'mirror mirror on the wall' games. It's driving you crazy and taking on a life of it's own. He is the problem, not her.

How did things work out with the real estate agent you were jealous of?

How did things work out with the real estate agent you were jealous of?

Hi, I put him in his place and I was right, this girl is after him, he even told me that she asked him if they can go to the movies together, and I did see this message when I snooped through his phone, but according to my boyfriend he said no and just started putting her at arm length, this girl sounds so desperate sending him messages, it's crazy. He says that he never ''thought'' that she liked him cause she never told him anything or did anything inappropriate until she asked him to go to the movies together and that's where he said to himself this is not right and she is going a little to far!. the funny thing is that after all of this he inited her to dinner, to talk about business. Honestly if I saw something like this happen to me, I would cut her loose right away!! she is the one putting all these GRANDIOSE BUSINESS ideas in his head just to be closer to him and so that he takes her out.

So yeah I did have two straightforward fights with him.Cause this for me was just too much!!, why the need to go out with her, to dinner, to a park, etc and he also told me that he did in fact had gone once to the movies but with her and her AUNT, not ALONE with her, (which he considers wrong cause it's with her alone) and that this was a little long ago when we started going out, he was basically in the process of looking for houses, these 2 shady women invited him to the movies, heh ad nothing to do so he went.

Unfortunately your bf is the one who is "shady" and enjoying taking out other women and all the female attention. He positions himself as a single guy not in a relationship. He has no boundaries and is not exclusive with you..

these 2 shady women invited him to the movies, he had nothing to do so he went.

Hi, I put him in his place and I was right, this girl is after him, he even told me that she asked him if they can go to the movies together, and I did see this message when I snooped through his phone, but according to my boyfriend he said no and just started putting her at arm length, this girl sounds so desperate sending him messages, it's crazy. He says that he never ''thought'' that she liked him cause she never told him anything or did anything inappropriate until she asked him to go to the movies together and that's where he said to himself this is not right and she is going a little to far!. the funny thing is that after all of this he inited her to dinner, to talk about business. Honestly if I saw something like this happen to me, I would cut her loose right away!! she is the one putting all these GRANDIOSE BUSINESS ideas in his head just to be closer to him and so that he takes her out.

 

So yeah I did have two straightforward fights with him.Cause this for me was just too much!!, why the need to go out with her, to dinner, to a park, etc and he also told me that he did in fact had gone once to the movies but with her and her AUNT, not ALONE with her, (which he considers wrong cause it's with her alone) and that this was a little long ago when we started going out, he was basically in the process of looking for houses, these 2 shady women invited him to the movies, heh ad nothing to do so he went.

Would you say that it's BF's judgment or his motives that you don't trust?

Chalking it up to not trusting the women isn't a valid options because they're a moot point--they wouldn't be a problem for you if you trusted BF's motives and judgment.

Hi everyone, so not so long ago my boyfriend of 8 months which is older than me, we were talking and I guess that during our conversation something triggered him to talk about a girl, who last year (Feb-2017) he met in his work area, she is a Senior management administrator of a beautiful building and he is part of a group of engineers who were working in that building, so he told me that she was very flirtatious, he thought she was engaged because of a ring she had, but then she appeared without the ring, cause her boyfriend had dumped her for his ex girlfriend, so well my boyfriend which by that time was single and we had not still not met each other , started going out with her, and getting to know each other, this girl was always flirting with him, and so he felt attracted to her quickly, thereby felt many illusions quickly, the point is they did not have a relationship, it never got to the point of boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship (they did not even have sex) he told me that he got tired cause she was too Diva, but also that she was too insecure and was not balanced mentally (According to my boyfriend) so he got bored of her excuses, and her behavior I guess, so that ended.

 

So a weekend when we were together, he brought her up, I do remember when him and I started dating he talked very superficially about her, barely nothing, but know he opened more about her and who is she and more detailed explanations, So I felt a little insecure when he brought her up(Especially when he said that she is very pretty,looks like a model,has a great job, etc,, This really made me feel DOWN!!!) cause I had seen a picture of her on his Facebook( BTW me and My boyfriend don't have each other on Facebook, months ago he told me his profile user name, to add each other but I never did),so this girl that I had seen on his friends list, I had assumed it was the same girl he had mentioned at the beginning, and in fact it was her, so I knew how she looked physically,She does have a similar style/prototype like me.

 

But now for some weird reason, I feel the curiosity to see how she looks like, to see her pictures and compare myself to her, and see who is hotter, prettier, best body all his nonsense. I don't want to say it's an obsession, but I get very curious about all of this, Am I being insecure for feeling this way? or is it normal curiosity, or just to even compare myself to another girl that my boyfriend had something with. I just feel very curious, I just hope he is not with me, because that girl and me have a similar prototype. I feel as if I wanted to know who he finds better if me or her, physically speaking, but I don't dare to ask him, I don't think that I wont. I am going to be honest, I don't want to sound cocky or like if I am trying to put her down, I admit she is pretty, but the way that my boyfriend described her or talked about her, was not what I was expecting, I thought she was like some gorgeous 5'9 model, beautiful face, hair, everything, So I felt very shocked, like surprise when I saw her picture, I was thinking something WOW, but not Really,as I said she is pretty, cute girl, normal to me, just my opinion.

 

I dont know why I felt so down or belittled when he mentioned her to me, maybe shock, a little jealousy, insecure???.

Hi! So, I think we all get jealous/insecure if someone we love talks about another person the way they talk to us. I think it is natural. But, try not to think on it too much. I know I can do the same thing with everything. And, have you maybe asked him to not talk about her anymore? Or that it bothers you when he does? You can bring it up calmly and just let him know how you are feeling. I hope you feel loved and cherished. I am praying for you!

Hi! So, I think we all get jealous/insecure if someone we love talks about another person the way they talk to us. I think it is natural. But, try not to think on it too much. I know I can do the same thing with everything. And, have you maybe asked him to not talk about her anymore? Or that it bothers you when he does? You can bring it up calmly and just let him know how you are feeling. I hope you feel loved and cherished. I am praying for you!

Hi, thank you!!, this man has been wonderful, pleasing, giving, noble, he is in fact a very good man, but my issue is that he loves to talk, and is basically a peoples pleaser, if you did something good to him or helped him with something, he will be grateful with you for the rest of his life!! and I don't know if he just does not see, that some things can bother, or that perhaps talking about them is not right or what, I mean he is not a kid, he is 47, I am not saying he talks about this women all the time, he barely does, but there was a weekend where he opened up about her and him, and the fling they had (cause it was not even a relationship) but he talked about it Saturday and then on Sunday due to another topic he brought her up again,cause it made sense, he was telling how his mom loves me, in comparison to her, that his mom did not like her at all.

Hi,

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is insecure and enjoys attention. Sometimes when a man is insecure, he can "talk up" previous flames to try and enhance his perceived worth. While I do not believe it is right, ironically you should take it as a compliment because he seems to want to impress you or reassure you that he's capable of dating beautiful women. He might be worried you are losing interest in him, and need the argument to reassure himself that you care enough to be jealous. Having said this, his behavior is wrong. I feel that talking about one's intimate history is a no-go area unless it is particularly important to one or both partners, in which case it should be a conversation rather than him bringing it up as he pleases. His behavior is making you feel insecure and you are obsessing over something that happened before you two met. Not healthy! Now, if he is still seeing her, that's also a different story. He should respect your boundaries and you're perfectly entitled to be uncomfortable with him being around her in light of his comments about her.

I think you should have a serious conversation with him about his comments. Call him out, tell him that he's upsetting you and that see how he responds.

Hi,

 

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is insecure and enjoys attention. Sometimes when a man is insecure, he can "talk up" previous flames to try and enhance his perceived worth. While I do not believe it is right, ironically you should take it as a compliment because he seems to want to impress you or reassure you that he's capable of dating beautiful women. He might be worried you are losing interest in him, and need the argument to reassure himself that you care enough to be jealous. Having said this, his behavior is wrong. I feel that talking about one's intimate history is a no-go area unless it is particularly important to one or both partners, in which case it should be a conversation rather than him bringing it up as he pleases. His behavior is making you feel insecure and you are obsessing over something that happened before you two met. Not healthy! Now, if he is still seeing her, that's also a different story. He should respect your boundaries and you're perfectly entitled to be uncomfortable with him being around her in light of his comments about her.

 

I think you should have a serious conversation with him about his comments. Call him out, tell him that he's upsetting you and that see how he responds.

He told me that this thing between them vanished, he got tired, fed up, he told me that at the beginning he felt a very quick emotion/illusion for her, FACT IS: he realized that he was more interested/invested in her, than she was in him, cause at the end he got to see who she was (Diva, insecure, etc) he said she had like personal problems, cause her boyfriend had dumped her for this blonde girl, so my bf did not understand why! Because he says this girl is way prettier, good person, good job etc, so he started with the whole she was even asked if she wanted to model, blah, b blah, I don’t understand why my bf has to mention this, for all I know the times that he has mentioned her to me, he always says the SAME THING!!! And I told him maybe she is insecure, cause she does not like her body, or does not have a good body or something, and boy oh boy this part messed me up, he was like:’‘in fact she has a great body, all the ladies that lived in the building where she works told her ’‘oh wow you have an amazing hourglass/ coke bottle body!!, I WAS SO BOTHERED.

My boyfriend does not know at all that I have seen her pictures already, and honestly I think he is exaggerating without a doubt, this girl does not have a coke bottle body, she has big boobs cause she had plastic surgery, chubby strong upper body, and her lower body is normal, I did not see curves at all, and model of what?? She is 5’4 (1.63 m) I believe that after my boyfriend divorced his ex-wife,he got to live life again, so when he saw this woman he was mesmerized, after all he married his older wife when he was just 30 years old.

What bothers me is the fact that he mentions her to me and makes her seem more beautiful than what she is in reality, why is he exaggerating her so much? what is the purpose of this?. I mean he has talked about her in total, like 4 times, 2 times it was my fault from bringing up subjects in which obviously he was going to mention her.

I could tell he got bothered when I told him, that I was not trying to offend him or anything, but that this girl was normal to me, pretty but the normal type, not anything wow! I felt it strike a nerve on him.

Why is he talking about this other woman so much? I hate to say it but I don’t think he’s over her

He's obsessed with her and throwing it in your face. Your bf is the problem. Interestingly, it's working because it's making you so insanely jealous and insecure you are stalking her social media and getting in a mental cat fight with her.

It's hard to understand why you would stay and subject yourself to this bs. The cattier and more insecure and jealous you act the more your bf's ego inflates. That is the purpose of this. His ego and treating you like garbage.

This way he makes himself seem desirable, as if he's a connoisseur of women and you are soooo lucky this turd gives you a second look. You do realize that a decent guy who respects you and wants to continue with you would try to make you feel desirable and beautiful, right?

I don’t understand why my bf has to mention this, for all I know the times that he has mentioned her to me. What bothers me is the fact that he mentions her to me and makes her seem more beautiful than what she is in reality, why is he exaggerating her so much?

Why is he talking about this other woman so much? I hate to say it but I don’t think he’s over her

Hi, well he mentioned her due to something that we were talking about, due to relationships and what is meant to be, he had thought that this girl was the one. the funny thing is that at the beginning of our relationship, he mentioned her but very lightly, no details, but like about a month and a half ago, he talked about her on Saturday and then on Sunday and that is where I got to get to know more about her and them. it just came up, so he did not start to talk about her out of thin air,it was a topic than him and I were discussing and I guess her used her as an example.

But my friend told me, but why does he have to admire her like that and strut her in your face? why does he sees her the way she does, if she does not look like that!!

I showed my friend her pictures and she was like this man is exaggerating about this woman. Either he is INSECURE, WANTS YOU TO FEEL VERY CURIOUS AND INSECURE, OR JEALOUS.

Plus I could tell he got a little stingy when I said to him:'' listen I don't think she is the big deal at all, this is just a common girl type, nothing special sweetheart.

I thought when you mentioned her, you were talking about a tall, supermodel, beautiful woman.

I wonder why he got so uncomfortable when I said this to him!!???

Because he's in love with her so in his eyes she's beautiful and always will be. You are jealous of her so in your eyes she's not. But it's his opinion, description and feeling for her that matter, not yours.

he had thought that this girl was the one.