Do you forgive betrayal?

I came out of a long term relationship wanting to enjoy my freedom and happiness. It lasted till the moment I saw Kyle, it was love from the very first sight ( I never believed in it till about the second I felt it). I knew he was the one for me.

Kyle and I got close straight away, we spent a lot of time together and we seemed to be very compatible. I expressed how I felt, I told him I only wanted something serious from him. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship and regretted it the second he said it so we never talked about it again.

We kept spending more and more time together ( to the point where I would spend 5 nights a week at his place).

Everything seemed too good to be true after that. I spent the Christmas with his family we were together all the time, it just felt that it was the perfect relationship. We talked about having a family, our future together, how we are gonna raise our kids( mind I am in my late 20s and he is 31).

A few months go by and one day I just have the urge to go through his phone, I just felt the need. I guess the password and go through his messages when I see it.

Kyle had another ‘relationship’ with a girl he met while traveling years ago. He was planning to see her ( he told me he was going there with his friend and then suddenly cancelled it).

To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. I.felt.sick

He persuades me in the end by saying that it was nothing serious and that once he realised he was in love with me he cancelled the trip and finished the relationship.

I asked him so many times if it was more serious than what he made it seem like but every time the answer would be the same-no. He was even saying that he never felt that they were in relationship in the first place.

A year goes by and I can’t stop thinking about it. I just can’t get over it.

A week ago I woke up to a nice message from the girl he was planning to visit. She sent me a nice long love letter he wrote to her months ago. The letter was sent while we were together.

To make you understand how serious it was for them, they were even planning to get married so she could move here.

Every single thing that was in that letter he tells me everyday. It was a letter we see in movies, an act of love and admiration.

The letter was just too much, how could I stay in relationship where it all started as a lie?

How could I be with someone who in the first 5 months of our relationship wanted and loved someone else?

How could I ever get over something like that?

He cried for hours, he kept insisting that when he was writing that letter he deep down knew he didn’t mean it. He kept saying that he cancelled the trip 2 weeks after he wrote that letter as he realised he loved me.

A week later I’m in this situation where I don’t know what to do with myself. Is it possible to forgive someone who has done something like that?

Is it possible to trust someone who felt all those things for someone and spend every day with someone else?

Is it possible to ever forget about it?

If it was just some meaningless sex (which from what I’ve seen on his phone he did or was planning to do) I wouldn’t mind as much. But this was something much more painful.

I love him with all my heart but I feel betrayed.

It sounds like he was cheating. How did this woman happen to forward you the letter he sent her? You'll have to decide if you want to go forward with him considering the level of deception he is able to sustain.

A week ago I woke up to a nice message from the girl he was planning to visit. She sent me a nice long love letter he wrote to her months ago. The letter was sent while we were together. To make you understand how serious it was for them, they were even planning to get married so she could move here.

I expressed how I felt, I told him I only wanted something serious from him. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship and regretted it the second he said it so we never talked about it again.

 

We kept spending more and more time together ( to the point where I would spend 5 nights a week at his place).

Please clarify. You told him you wanted a monogamous relationship and he told you no, but you two continued to see each other?

Hi, I’m sorry.

He told me he wasn’t looking for one the first day I met him but he later that day said he didn’t mean it and literally was almost begging me to forget about it. Which I did and we never talked about it. We were together, we weren’t just seeing each other. That’s why I can’t justify his actions

I just mentioned it in the thread because somehow I feel it was connected to her

It sounds like he was cheating. How did this woman happen to forward you the letter he sent her? You'll have to decide if you want to go forward with him considering the level of deception he is able to sustain.

Hello,

She knew who I was from social media( just took a picture of that letter and sent it to me with all the nice(not) details about them)

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. No doubt it's a shock to find out that the person you love is just a low life cheater and a liar. Unfortunately, you must face the fact that he has been playing both of you and yes, even in the same words and same promises. You don't forgive that, you walk away with extreme prejudice and without looking back.

Your one is not a lying cheater. Your one is still out there somewhere and he is actually a good and trustworthy man. You deserve better and I sincerely hope that you find the strength to drop this loser cold.

Walk away.

Terrible. He cannot be trusted. Pretty damn deceptive.

I love him with all my heart but I feel betrayed.

You might reword this as "I feel love for him and I was betrayed." Is that also true, yet have a different impact?

... he later that day said he didn’t mean it ...

Apparently he didn't mean a lot of the things he said.

Wake up. The guy wants to marry this other girl AND he's been cheating on you. And you want to ... what? Forgive him? Come on. You should feel nothing but contempt for him. Find yourself a nice guy and get away from this cheating, lying loser!

I am so sorry you are going through this pain. It's something I wish no one had to experience. Here is my advice, from my personal experience...

He has broken your heart, your trust and relationship. That takes time to heal from. Do you believe him when he says he is finished with her? Would you be willing to go to a counselor? It is going to take alot of work to get through this and you both habe to want to make it work or it will be a waste of time. You can forgive someone for doing this to you, but honestly you will never forget. I don't mean that in a negative way either. It's just that you are in a great deal of pain and in time that pain will diminish, but you will always remember how it was caused and whom caused it. Only you can decide if you will be able to forgive him and continue a relationship.

IT doesn't sound like he meant to hurt you. He didn't intend on falling for you but he did. So that left him not knowing who to be with. He was afraid of making the wrong choice and he couldn't tell you about it. After all he had kept it a secret and he knew it would hurt you and hurt the relationship by telling you now. I am in no way trying to defend him either. In my opinion having an emotional affair is sometimes worse than just having sex with someone. Sex is just sex but sharing your feelings and thoughts with someone else hurts so much more.

I hope that you never habe to go through anything like this again. My heart hurts for you. I have been in your shoes and I can still feel the pain and fill spectrum of emotions I felt like it happened yesterday. I had to see a counselor because I couldn't work through my emotions on my own. I would highly recommend it. See one by yourself, find answers for you. A couples counselor would be a great idea as well if you would like to have a relationship still. Some things are just too hard and complicated to work out on our own.

I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later. Keep us informed would you and I'm here if you would like to talk.

When I met my SO I knew he was the one for me as well, not at first sight, but eventually. But let me tell you that even though I know he's the right guy for me, if he ever cheated on me I would leave him in a hot second! There's plenty of other guys out there who can offer yoy more trust and loyalty, which this guy is offering you none.

He probably just knows what to say to get you to stay with him, he's probably emotionally manipulating you, but you can't see it, yet. He now has a track record of lying and cheating and if you stay with him you'll always be suspicious that he's still involved with her, or with someone else. Leave him if you want to be happy

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

He's been lying to you from day one. He was honest when he said he didn't want something serious. He went along with what you wanted but he knew he had another gf elsewhere and didn't want to give her up.

He continues to lie to you.

The one thing you need to remember is, if something seems to good to be true, it more than likely is.

This relationship went way too fast and was more a fantasy than realistic.

You need to do whatever you can now to get away from him, to heal yourself and to stop believing his lies.

He won't let this other girl go, he will just find sneakier ways to contact her or contact other women eventually.

The trust is gone, you need to make sure he doesn't get anymore chances to hurt you.

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.