Controlling parents

I am married with a little one!

Recently we've had to move out of our property (various reasons) and while looking for another home/saving up for a deposit for a new property - my parents have kindly let us stay with them for which i am really grateful for as it means we'll be able to save ALOT more than if we were to rent. Anyways the HUGE problem I have is they like to comment/nag/control every little thing esp on how I raise my child.

I had bad post natal depression when my son was born so i did rely on my mum quite alot during his first few months but now i am in a better mindset and more confident as a parent

I just wish my family would see that and support me but instead they have a go at me over silly things eg - he should go to bed around 9pm not 7pm, i shouldn't give him a bottle at this time, i should feed him this not that! (Makes me feel like a parent!)

I can't even chose the activities i enroll my son into without them telling me Im choosing the wrong thing.

Or even when it comes to little things i do - why are you doing this now etc.. You cant manage a household, you dont know what you are doing. Even my sister will side with my mum and constantly remind me how i couldn't cope on my own when little one was born (makes me feel like a waste of space & i feel so guilty of not being able to but i had PND)

I try block it out but so hard when someone is in your ear 24/7!!!!!

What do I do? - how to cope living like this for another 2 years?!!

Say "Than you for the advice". They are just concerned about your baby and you and this is the way you show it. You can say "mom, maybe you could help me with this -- i want baby to sleep through the night until when i get up at 7 and putting him down at 7 means he gets up at 4-- i have been putting him down at 9 so he sleeps until 7. if you feel that i should put him down at 7, what did you do to get a baby to sleep through the night that's different?"

How fast can you move?

Also, now that you are feeling better, what about taking advantage of their wanting to help and have them babysit while you do things for yourself -- go to a support group, grocery shopping, get your hair cut or whatever makes you feel like a grownup

Either learn how to nod and say "yes, ma'am" or move. There's no such thing as a free lunch, and they seem plenty happy to treat you as a dependent while they provide you with a roof. Only you can decide whether it's worth it. But this is precisely why many people would choose never to move and stay back home, myself included. A whole lot of parents naturally revert to being critical and especially parental in these situations.

Yeah, I'm afraid it comes with the territory. You moved back in with your parents, you're going to get a lot of parental advice. You're just going to have to grin and bear it.

If you want, you can ask them for their reasons for telling you this or that. Like ask them why they think 9 pm is better than 7 pm (I have a feeling they don't want the baby waking up so early). Or why you should feed the baby this and not that (keep in mind that they raised you and your sister, so they must know something).

Just try to get along with them until you can move out.

Don't. Stop accepting their hospitality and generosity and both you and your partner need to get as many jobs as possible and find better ways to budget and save. Otherwise you'll be in the same boat again. Rent a small affordable place for now. Cut down on phones, all non essentials, etc. Perhaps your folks could babysit or contribute in other ways. Where are your partner's parents?

The situation is untenable all around. Too cramped, an imposition on them and too much intrusion from them. Unfortunately you can't bite the hand that feeds you. This situation may save you a few bucks but it may also destroy your relationship with your family or your partner or both due to all the stress created by living there. This will escalate and implode at some point.

how to cope living like this for another 2 years?!!

I am also paying rent here too -obv alot less than i would if living on my own

Thanks for your advice!! Very true

Then it's not rent. That's covering for the footprint of an entire family now in their home. If you're able to save "ALOT" compared to paying market rate rent elsewhere, you're being provided for by your parents. I certainly hope you'd be providing some sort of financial contribution regardless.

Then it's not rent. That's covering for the footprint of an entire family now in their home. If you're able to save "ALOT" compared to paying market rate rent elsewhere, you're being provided for by your parents. I certainly hope you'd be providing some sort of financial contribution regardless.

I can't imagine taking in a sibling, their spouse and their babies. i can imagine it would feel that they are the guests in their own house - because its taken over by you. Where is your husband's pride, also? You can live in a one bedroom apartment or studio with an infant until you had the money for what you really wanted (the crib can be in the living/dining room or bassinet next to your bed. It would be harder if you had older kids - a baby takes up so little space -- unless you feel you might not be out of the woods for depression and need someone around always.

I say move out of there asap. Rent a small apt. and drop all unnecessary expenses and frills and save every cent you can. Look to buy a smaller house that costs less than what you would prefer. Work a job opposite hours to your husband so you dont have to pay for child care, even if it's part time work. Your parents likely do mean well, but this will only get worse the longer you are in their house.

Two years?!

It was good of your mom to care for you and the baby while you were struggling with post natal depression. You shouldn't feel guilty about accepting that - it was in the best interests of you being able to get well and so care for your baby.

Being in their home now that you are well and able though is a bit much. To a certain degree , they are a big part in financially and otherwise providing for your family and the baby. That is actually yours and your hubby's responsibility.

You can't have it both ways - if you want your autonomy as a family to be respected, you have to take on the whole package of being parents. That includes covering your full housing and other costs as a family.

Move out. Your sanity is not worth the money you would save.

You're learning that this particular savings opportunity comes with another pricetag. Decide whether or not it's worth it to you. If so, then learn how to just day, "Thanks, I'll consider that..." then do whatever YOU want to do. If that comes with complaints, just overlook those with another, "Thanks, I'll consider that."

When this gets old enough, it's your signal to move our on your own in order to preserve the relationship with your parents. You have options, and this is the one you're choosing at this time. You don't need to escalate the situation into a fight that burns bridges when you can always choose another living option instead.

Head high, and avoid victimizing yourself by how you frame this. It won't buy you happiness to harm your relationship when you can change the geography instead.

Welcome to being a parent! And expect people to get in your biz on your parenting skills whether or not they are parents or have any experience with kids. If I had a dollar for each time "someone" told me how to parent, I'd have enough to for a flight, and your parents are no different. You need to relax. They are saying it because it helped them with you. It has nothing to do with living there or not. It's because they have nothing else to talk about. So just smile, say thanks, and then do whatever the F--k you want! They are your kids!

Post natal depression is no joke, and if you are able to see that they are only saying this out of love, then you might feel better about them as giving advice, not making demands.

I remember when my dad told me I was too fat after having Liam...he just so happened to be cleaning the gutters on his roof. I told him unless he was the one that just birthed a 9 lb baby that he can mind his own business and that I looked awesome.

You will get strangers out of the woodwork telling you how to parent...just smile, say "thank you," "or say, "f--k off" or just ignore!