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Thread: Ex at the high school reunion

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by yatsue
    Yes, keep repeating this to yourself. Is everything okay in your marriage?

    Insecurities stem from somewhere, either within yourself, your past, or in your marriage. I wonder if you had come across anything in your life that would lead to such an insecurity (influence from a past ex, family/friends), or have not achieved/satisfied something in your marriage (kids, goals, emotions, stability, etc). Only you know where this stems from.
    Our marriage is good. We enjoy each other and have a lot of fun together. We both have good careers and are stable. Sadly I have always been an insecure person. I think some of it stems from my childhood. My mother definitely instilled the concept to not trust anyone and that even when you think someone is OK, they're probably not.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    If the network is as cozy as you're implying, I'm certain he wouldn't need a high school reunion to boink her if he and she really wanted to. It's not a good look, and I'd say it goes well beyond mild insecurity if you're leveraging his now married and mothering childhood sweetheart against your nearly 20 years of loyal partnership.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    If the network is as cozy as you're implying, I'm certain he wouldn't need a high school reunion to boink her if he and she really wanted to. It's not a good look, and I'd say it goes well beyond mild insecurity if you're leveraging his now married and mothering childhood sweetheart against your nearly 20 years of loyal partnership.
    I agree with you that it probably does go beyond mild insecurity. When something is on my mind I like to get it out into the open, but I know I sound crazy with this issue so I don't feel like I can talk about it with my husband.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, so long as you're absolutely positive these insecurities are 100% isolated and not spilling into any dynamic of your marriage, I suppose it's relatively harmless for you to post the concern for reassurance. Still, I don't know if you've pursued therapy in the past or are currently doing so, but it may be worth finding some professional help to reconcile such events as basic as this one. While I can't personally relate as I've yet to question my trust for my wife, I'd imagine it'd be miserable to not trust the person who's meant to be your life partner in this situation.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by MsBrightside
    Sadly I have always been an insecure person. I think some of it stems from my childhood. My mother definitely instilled the concept to not trust anyone and that even when you think someone is OK, they're probably not.
    There it is. There is nothing to worry about, concerning your partner. Know he is faithful for a couple decades now, and you can trust him for many more years to come. That is a lot of time together. Everyone has tinges of worry, it just becomes a problem when we can't keep them in check and let them fester. If you feel the need to unpack this from your childhood, please do so.

  7. #16
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    I really appreciate all the thoughtful feedback. I am going to do my best to let this go and I'm not going to mention it to my husband. I am going to look into therapy though, which is something I think about from time to time. I tried it a few years ago and had some success. Jealously and insecurity are not good feelings to carry around.

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