Arguments and homesickness

Ive just brought my first house and ive been here two days. Not long i know but im struggling if im honest. Really struggling. Im feeling really homesick and its an hour and a halfs drive from my old home. I know thats not far but i suffer with anxiety and depression so im finding it hard. Last night i had a bad panic attack.

I cant afford the morgage on my own so i brought my boyfriend in to pay rent

The house is soley mine. Ive never lived with a partner and im finding this hardest of all.

The first night he went out and didnt come back until 6 in the morning. He had cuts all over him from falling in a bush, he also lost his push bike. Then later on he tried to disapline my dog. My dog always sits on the sofa and he told him to get off . This wasnt his place to do so. Im finding myself wishing that i never made this move and especially with him.

Im not sure if its teething problems or this is it? I know its only been 2 days but already im getting annoyed by his bad mood and hes even started smoking again. Which he gave up a year ago. Also he was supposed to have the rent before we moved in and hes £400 short and has only given me £100 . He says hell give it to me in a few days

Hey Kathy,

Sorry you are not feeling so good at the moment. A move is a hugely stressful event in your life, up there with divorce and losing your job, so it is understandable that you are feeling stressed out. It will likely take you some time to settle in. I would suggest that you will need a good three months to really feel comfortable in your new space.

Adding your boyfriend to the mix is obviously going to make things more stressful, especially as you haven't lived with him before. Going out until six in the morning and not coming up with the rent money sounds pretty unreliable. If this continues, you might want to consider other ways of making ends meet for your mortgage. I don't believe that money is a good enough reason to put up with dodgy behaviour.

You'll need to give him at least 30 days notice and time to find yourself a new roommate. There is no reason you have to live with him, if he's just a tenant/roommate for the purposes of expenses.

Smoking and defaulting on rent give you the upper hand legally, to get rid of him, since that clearly was not part of the tenancy stipulations. If he balks when you give him 30 days notice, get an attorney.

It's already not working out but you're not stuck with him. Find a decent reliable roommate/tenant who pays rent on time and does not smoke, mess with your pets, etc.

Find someone more compatible to move in and set the ground rules from the start, including boundaries, expenses, what it shared what is on your own, what is off limits, etc. In fact you can get a standard lease agreement from the internet and modify it to your specifications. Always do this when someone is in a house you are financially and legally responsible for.

I cant afford the morgage on my own so i brought my boyfriend in to pay rent. Ive never lived with a partner. Im finding myself wishing that i never made this move and especially with him. im getting annoyed by his bad mood and hes even started smoking again. hes £400 short and has only given me £100.

Thanks guys. I did tell that i needed the money up front. He doesnt smoke in the house but he says its the stress of the move that has caused him to start again.

I dont no but maybe im being too impatient. Its been 2 stressful days and we may get on better when it calms down?

I had a panic attack last night,i was exhauseted as well. but hes at work today and i feel much better.

Hes told me hes feeling anxious as well.

Do you think things will die down in time? Maybe ill give it a few months and see if he pays the rent and his actions improve. If not hes got to go. What do you think?

Unfortunately there's already a bad precedence and situation. It will get worse, not better because already there is too much sliding and too many excuses.

He is already blowing you off as far as rent smoking pets, so he's taking liberties and ignoring your house rules and disrespecting your agreement. Give him 30 days notice. Put an ad in for a roommate/tenant, start interviewing on the phone when he's not around or consider who else you could live with..

I did tell that i needed the money up front. He doesnt smoke in the house but he says its the stress of the move that has caused him to start again. Its been 2 stressful days. hes at work today and i feel much better.

Did you have him sign a formal rental agreement in writing?

Personally I would be looking at alternatives as to how to cover your mortgage without him. First month and he's playing around, I would not be relying on him to improve but rather for it to escalate. Better to nip it in the bud.

The key is to give yourself plenty of options. Do you have a back up plan for if he falls through on this rent?

Well ive just spoke to him and he saud i will have it wednesday evening. Hes on his way home from work and hes just been shopping to get the list of things i said i needed. So ill see how things go over the next few days. But i have laid down the ground rules and if he doesnt obey then its 30 days notice. I have found a website where i can advertise the room. So if i have to i will advertise on there. I dont no anybody looking to rent a room so i cant ask friends.

Yes he has signed a formal rental agreement so ive covered myself there.

Has anybody got any tips on how to settle in to a new home quickly? It is nice in this house but i am feeling a bit homesick at the moment

Get online and explore your new town. See what events, classes, courses, groups and clubs and volunteering opportunities are there. Also scope out your new town in terms of places to shop, eat, go out, things to do etc. Make this place your new home.

Also advertise as "roommate"/"house share" instead of "room to rent" or you'll get weirdos. Good you have a written lease agreement. Is it month-to-month?

he saud i will have it wednesday evening. i have laid down the ground rules and if he doesnt obey then its 30 days notice. he has signed a formal rental agreement so ive covered myself there.

Yes its a month to month i wanted to test the water to see if we got on so that would give me a chance. Ive already started looking at clubs and evening classes theres a college down the road so im going to do stuff there

Excellent. You're doing and did everything right so far. The homesickness will dissipate and you will feel settled in with time.

Yes its a month to month i wanted to test the water to see if we got on so that would give me a chance. Ive already started looking at clubs and evening classes theres a college down the road so im going to do stuff there

The problem isn't housing, it's having a jerk for a boyfriend. I'd kick him out and find a better roommate. Otherwise, I'd take the financial hit on breaking my lease to find a place that I can afford solo.

The problem isn't housing, it's having a jerk for a boyfriend. I'd kick him out and find a better roommate. Otherwise, I'd take the financial hit on breaking my lease to find a place that I can afford solo.

Catfeeder its a motgage so im commited now. Its partly moving away from everyone and partly him. Its also partly having anxiety and depression on top. Today i contacted a mental health service as last night i had a panic attack. . .i dont want to feel overwhelmed by it all and ill do everything i can to help myself. I hate having panic attacks i just cant help it i get all worked up and over whelmed by this big step im taking

Catfeeder its a motgage so im commited now. Its partly moving away from everyone and partly him. Its also partly having anxiety and depression on top. Today i contacted a mental health service as last night i had a panic attack. . .i dont want to feel overwhelmed by it all and ill do everything i can to help myself. I hate having panic attacks i just cant help it i get all worked up and over whelmed by this big step im taking

CongrAts on buying your new home. BF is not a friend, much less someone you can count on to pay rent. I'd skip him, take in as many reliable roommates as you can offer space, and give BF the boot. Check with legal aid in your area, as the 30 day notice thing that's been suggested may not apply to owner occupied dwellings. You don't need to put up with a freeloader in your own home.

Ive just brought my first house

 

I cant afford the morgage on my own

I'm really really struggling to understand WHY you would buy a house when you can't afford it?? That alone would cause a massive amount of stress and anxiety. This means you'll be forever bound to trying to find a house mate to help pay your mortgage. Why do that to yourself? I just don't understand :confused:

Was it planned that way? That you buy a house with the intention of renting out rooms to help pay the mortgage? (Trying to understand).

I'm really really struggling to understand WHY you would buy a house when you can't afford it?? That alone would cause a massive amount of stress and anxiety. This means you'll be forever bound to trying to find a house mate to help pay your mortgage. Why do that to yourself? I just don't understand :confused:

Was it planned that way? That you buy a house with the intention of renting out rooms to help pay the mortgage? (Trying to understand).

I am trying to get a full time job as i work 22 hours a week currently. So it was planned to rent out the room until i can get another job. Ive had a few interviews but no luck yet. But im sure i will get one if i dont give up

Can I ask what program you used to get approved for a mortgage when your income doesn't cover the payments? I ask because I'm looking into buying a home in the next couple of years and I'm curious what programs are out there (I'm in the US, BTW).

And yeah, a monthly payment you can't afford on your own will cause extreme stress, especially when you have to keep someone living there because you need the rent money but he's not paying.

Can I ask what program you used to get approved for a mortgage when your income doesn't cover the payments?

That's the part which confuses me no end. I don't understand.

Can I ask what program you used to get approved for a mortgage when your income doesn't cover the payments? I ask because I'm looking into buying a home in the next couple of years and I'm curious what programs are out there (I'm in the US, BTW).

 

And yeah, a monthly payment you can't afford on your own will cause extreme stress, especially when you have to keep someone living there because you need the rent money but he's not paying.

Im in the uk. My credit rating is 100% and i could afford the morgage on my ien if it wasnt for all the distance i have to travel to work.

Can I ask what program you used to get approved for a mortgage when your income doesn't cover the payments? I ask because I'm looking into buying a home in the next couple of years and I'm curious what programs are out there (I'm in the US, BTW).

 

And yeah, a monthly payment you can't afford on your own will cause extreme stress, especially when you have to keep someone living there because you need the rent money but he's not paying.

I'm really really struggling to understand WHY you would buwith y a house when you can't afford it?? That alone would cause a massive amount of stress and anxiety. This means you'll be forever bound to trying to find a house mate to help pay your mortgage. Why do that to yourself? I just don't understand :confused:

Was it planned that way? That you buy a house with the intention of renting out rooms to help pay the mortgage? (Trying to understand).

What was the alternative, carry on living with my mother? If youve read previous threads we wasnt getting on very well.

Im lucky to have a morgage because rent is at least double what my morgage payments are.

You say you dont understand, so now ive explained a bit more do you see? Because yes the bf needs to go but i only need another 8 to 16 hours to be able to afford this on my own. Plus i had to move far away from my job because house prices are cheaper further away. So its the petrol costs that are making it unaffordable. Im currently working on getting more work, applying for jobs. And yes the bf needs to go too im working on that as hes doing my head in and taking liberties