He got in touch but why?

So I’ve posted on here previously after my ex treated me pretty badly

Last time we spoke months ago he had said he didn’t think we should be in contact as he was with someone else now (person he’d got with a week after we split up) - I told him I was happy for him and was cool about it and he replied “thank you”

I received a message from him this week:

- saying sorry if his last message just saying “thank you” was abrupt and saying it’s been on his mind ever since

- saying he meant it to mean he was thanking me for understanding his situation (being with someone else) and that it wasn’t that he wanted me to “go away”

He then randomly signed off by asking me if il be watching my favourite t v show which is back soon

I’ve not replied as I don’t understand why he’s contacted me again, why now and what the hell his reasoning is

Any thoughts?

Your ex treated you badly, and toxic relationships have an addictive push-pull dynamic to them. He's probably the type that wants you when he doesn't have you and takes you for granted when he does. Regardless of your feelings, you should definitely not respond to the message. I do not think strict "no contact" for all of time after a breakup is necessary in all cases, but when the relationship was poor, it is the best way to ensure that your head is no longer getting f*cked with while you heal.

Just look at the facts. You broke up. He's in a new relationship. The contact will lead nowhere good. Make the difficult decision and block him so he can't keep throwing you breadcrumbs and keeping you invested while he moves on with his merry life. Oh, and friendship with exes is overrated. Especially when they broke your heart.

*treated me badly during the break up & afterwards not during the relationship

I tend to agree with you which is why I’ve not replied I just feel a bit conflicted

Block him.

Terrible that he dumped you right after your mom had passed.

Probably his new relationship didn't work out, that's why.

Probably his new relationship didn't work out, that's why.

+1

That was my gut feeling as well.

The new flavor of the month is slowing down and he's fishing for easy backup sex. Instead of praising him for dumping you and finding a new rebound, you should have blocked and deleted him. Do it now.

He then randomly signed off by asking me if il be watching my favourite t v show which is back soon.I’ve not replied as I don’t understand why he’s contacted me again, why now and what the hell his reasoning is.

Ugh. He's definitely fishing. For what, you ask? The answer is: nothing good. I would not contact him. He cruely dumped you during a hard time in your life, went for someone else right away (likely was cheating, if not physically at least emotionally - it was coincidentally lined up for him), and told you not to contact him all due to his new fling.

Now, months later, he takes back and downplays what he said before: he comes up with a reason (didn't mean to come across as wanting to make you go away) to establish contact in order to get in your good graces again. He asked exactly for you to leave him alone quite bluntly, aka to go away, while trying to go after another girl and thanked you for not calling him out on his crap (most people would be mad to be duped so harshly and he knows this, which is crystal clear in his latest response to you "understanding his situation"). It is obvious this new girl hasn't worked out or is going south, so he is lining up another girl: you! Wow. Yuck. His asking a question requiring a response back from you, about your show, is a huge slap in the face. It emphasizes he is just trying to worm his way back into your life, after he told you not to contact him for this fling that didn't work out.

This is a hard pass, girl. Please block him. Don't even give him the satisfaction of even getting a response from you.

Don't bother. He will only disappear again when he finds someone else.

So I wish I’d have taken your advice but sadly I was weak and didn’t - I replied to him telling him he should be focussing on his relationship rather than contacting me etc - I told him I’m with someone else (hoping hel not contact me again) and therefore don’t want to be in contact with him

He replied saying he only contacted me as he felt he’d been abrupt and for no other reason. He said he’s glad I’ve met someone and he hopes he makes me as happy as I deserve. He then proceed to tell me he is very happy.

Sorry I bothered as I just feel sad again now that he’s so happy and I’m bloody not! If he’s so happy why contact me at all?! We’ve previously discussed that friends isn’t an option so it makes no sense

It's time to block and delete him from all messaging platforms and all social media.

I'm with Wiseman.. no good can come with continued contact :)

So I’ve posted on here previously after my ex treated me pretty badly

 

Last time we spoke months ago he had said he didn’t think we should be in contact as he was with someone else now (person he’d got with a week after we split up) - I told him I was happy for him and was cool about it and he replied “thank you”

 

I received a message from him this week:

 

- saying sorry if his last message just saying “thank you” was abrupt and saying it’s been on his mind ever since

 

- saying he meant it to mean he was thanking me for understanding his situation (being with someone else) and that it wasn’t that he wanted me to “go away”

 

He then randomly signed off by asking me if il be watching my favourite t v show which is back soon

 

I’ve not replied as I don’t understand why he’s contacted me again, why now and what the hell his reasoning is

 

Any thoughts?

I used to ask the “why” questions too but the thing is that it does nothing but keep you focusing on your ex. It doesn’t matter why. It has nothing to do with you and I don’t mean that to be rude. I completely agree with the above poster that said it’s a toxic push pull thing. The only question you have to ask yourself is, for how long and how much energy do you want to spend playing this game?

Today I’m having a wobble again - missing him, know he doesn’t deserve it, know he’s happy with her (as that’s what he said) but I think about him all the time and still wish things weren’t working out for him. It hurts that I’m still alone, lonely and feeling unloved whilst he’s all loved up and blissfully happy acting like he never gave two hoots about me.

I wish he’d never contacted me again, I was doing so well. I see no reason why he did that seeing as he’s with someone else.

We’ve been broken up for five months (same length of time he’s been with her) so there’s clearly no hope hel ever see he’s made a mistake, come back and want to make amends (although granted he’d have one he’ll of a job to get my forgiveness). I just feel like I’d be able to move on better if I knew things with them didn’t work- least then I wouldn’t be lonely whilst he’s with the one he more or less left me for :(

Block block block block block block block block block.

The only thing that will help you move on is deleting and blocking him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. And getting yourself in shape, updating your look and getting a great profile and pics up on dating apps and starting to message and meet men.

Being spiteful and bitter and angry won't help you move on. After this long, if you can't get rid of the hate and pity party, consider therapy.

I just feel like I’d be able to move on better if I knew things with them didn’t work- least then I wouldn’t be lonely whilst he’s with the one he more or less left me for

So I’ve done well (I feel) as I’ve left things as they are - after telling him we shouldn’t be in touch as I’m with someone now and I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again (a month ish ago now)

Couple of questions:

- likely his relationship is still going South when he said he was “very happy”?

- or likely he’s just said that 1- to save face and/or 2- to hurt me?

They’re still together though so looks like it’s working out

I’m not bitter honestly I’m a good person I’m just very hurt. But I am staying away from him and I’m determined not to talk to him again

Thanks for all ur advice guys x

So I’ve done well (I feel) as I’ve left things as they are - after telling him we shouldn’t be in touch as I’m with someone now and I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again (a month ish ago now)

 

Couple of questions:

 

- likely his relationship is still going South when he said he was “very happy”?

 

- or likely he’s just said that 1- to save face and/or 2- to hurt me?

 

They’re still together though so looks like it’s working out

 

I’m not bitter honestly I’m a good person I’m just very hurt. But I am staying away from him and I’m determined not to talk to him again

 

Thanks for all ur advice guys x

My advice would be to find some techniques to stop thinking about him.

Search on youtube for "dating guy - Don't Wait! The Process Of Letting Go Of Your Ex" for some helpful analysis.

He is no longer part of your life, so what do you care about his relationship?

Easier said than done, I know, but the more you push yourself to do it, the easier it becomes.

Are you still hoping his relationship fails?

As long as your life keeps revolving around him, hoping he's not happy, you will be stalled out and miserable.

- likely his relationship is still going South when he said he was “very happy”?

- or likely he’s just said that 1- to save face and/or 2- to hurt me?

I suppose despite what he’s put me through I still love this guy as I can’t seem to get over him - I don’t know if it’s because I’m grieving for my mum too that I’m more vulnerable but I’m really struggling :(

Had he just left me alone maybe I’d have been ok

But the don’t contact me and then him contacting me has just thrown me off again - if he’s so happy elsewhere then surely he wouldn’t contact his ex

I just wish I could feel better and get over this but I feel like I’m grieving for two people I loved and it’s really hard

I told him not to contact me again which is probably best but I miss him :(

This is excellent insight. You were hit with a sort of one-two punch, and there will be sadness. Try to reach out to good friends and family a bit more. Seek support from trusted and long time people.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m grieving for my mum too that I’m more vulnerable

What was said here I’m confused? Lots of posts missing?