Communication issues

Hi. My boyfriend and I are in a fresh relationship with a child on the way. We have been friends for years but in a commited relationship for only a few months...we aren't the best communicators. The first few weeks we moved in together I lost a lot of sleep because I wasn't used to living with anyone...instead of communicating that with him I was just grouchy for a few weeks. My boyfriend stayed out a couple nights which unnerved me and I eventually went off on him. He got caught off guard and told me he didnt understand why I was upset. His argument was that we can't be together 24/7 and that we should take things slow.

I hate conflict. I'm trying to be understanding of our different lifestyles and taking things slow in the relationship...but I need tips on how to communicate better.

How do you take things slow if you are living together? You are in a new relationship and already pregnant? Why would you get pregnant if you can't communicate?

You open up. Tell each other how you feel. You also need to address boundaries in your relationship.

I agree. it is not healthy to be together 24/7. You should both have your own friends and outside interests. this does not include him staying out till the wee hours of the night, though.

Yeah, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't understand you being grumpy because you weren't use to living with someone either. I think there's something else going on. Are you two actually compatible? Are you fighting over other things? Him leaving the seat up on the toilet isn't a reason for being upset and losing sleep. Is he snoring? Or are you afraid of commitment? What really is causing you to lose sleep?

Hi. My boyfriend and I are in a fresh relationship with a child on the way.

I'm trying to be understanding of our different lifestyles and taking things slow in the relationship...

Look, make whatever mistakes you want when your life is the only consequence. You decide to bring a new life into the mix, you woman the **** up and read books, sit down with your partner and work it out in depth, book some counseling, anything that's not a short cut like some strangers on here are gonna give you some all encompassing crash course on how to communicate with your guy.

If that's out of reach, do your best to prepare your child for single parenthood. Sincerely.

You're taking things slow, yet you're pregnant and living together? Surely you see how that makes absolutely no sense, OP. No wonder he doesn't get what the attitude is about. The ship of Taking It Slow has sailed and sunk in the harbour, OP.

How long have you been together? And how did you wind up pregnant if you two wanted to take it slowly? When you say he stayed out at night, what time did he finally come home?

You definitely need to learn to communicate properly rather than just grouching around, because he is going to tire of that real quick. However, we could use more context about your relationship in order to understand the dynamic here.

So - I think we can all agree that the notion of “taking things slow” is pretty laughable when you guys are living together and expecting a child. There is really nothing slow about all that.

To me, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s kinda freaked out (understandably so) and scared about the future. He maybe even feels a little trapped.

That doesn’t mean he can disappear for a few days...

I think that you should sit together and you should tell him how you feel. I would be telling him that you are also scared (if you are) and that you are struggling to adapt to all the changes but that you really want things to work. And then I would ask to see a councilor.

All of these changes - and particularly the stresses of having a baby - are extremely hard on even the most solid of relationships. There are changes in lifestyle, new responsibilities, lack of sleep, short tempers, frustrations, different expectations, etc. I think that if you want it to last, having a little outside help to navigate the waters would be beneficial.

PS - for everyone else: while I understand the sentiment of “why did you get pregnant?” from the group, I’m not sure that’s helpful at this point? She is pregnant. Not all pregnancies are planned. It sounds like this is clearly the case here as they haven’t been together as a couple long and the guy is freaking out...

When you've chosen a much more difficult route in life, I think you'lll need the professional help of couples counseling for any chance at success in this relationship. Even though you were friends for years, you've only dated two months. It's never a good idea to make major decisions like moving in with someone for a solid year, so that you get to see if the relationship has long term potential. And you should've been a solid couple, beyond a year, before taking on the role as parents, because although children are a joy, they also add a lot of stress into one's life. What's done is done so all you can do is be proactive and do the counseling and read books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Take care.

I would get couples counseling and a communication course . My husband and I attended one and it makes a difference.

It's inane that your bf suggested 'going slow' when you got pregnant, got in a relationship and moved in together at lightening speed. All things you can't backpedal on or undo.

You'll have to get used to living together and being lovers rather than friends. What is meant by "different lifestyles"? How did it come about that you switched from being friends to immediately getting pregnant and moving in together? Why is he out all night? Him staying out all night is not "poor communication".

fresh relationship with a child on the way. a commited relationship for only a few months. My boyfriend stayed out a couple nights our different lifestyles

The decision you have now is if the two of you are all-in, or not. If so, then both of you behave accordingly. If both of you cannot? Then you have to part ways -- ah, then there is the baby on the way.

At MINIMUM, you two discuss what the financial arrangements and living arrangements are for the child. And beyond that? What are your intentions towards each other. Expected behaviors of people in a committed relationship.

If you are living together, then you are NOT taking it slow. Either of you stating that you are? Well, then is justification for living apart.