Adult Friend Finder cheating

Hi, I'm new to the chat rooms. Recently found my fiance on AFF. I'm devastated and my heart is in my throat :( I'm doing some things now to untangle me financially from him on the DL. I did start my own account, so I can see when he hops online. I actually was able to get into his account and see what he's doing. Hhe recently put his pic up, but he's still a free user. I sent him a sexy message, and I want to see how he responds.

My plan is to end things after I take care of myself and figure out what to do next, but I still feel sick to my stomach and totally lied to...it sucks. Can anyone relate? I have barely eaten in a week and crying a lot..and praying. I think part of me wonders if I could have done something differently, then I tell that part of me to shut up. When times were tough I never cheated and never thought about it, we always had such a nice time.

Any advice or comforting stories from you all would be great. Thanks

How long have you been dating? Do you live together? What are you doing to sever your finances? Do you work? Do you have friends or family you can move to?

How did you happen to find him on this site? Do not play cat and mouse games, catfish, etc. You already know he's on there looking for sexual encounters, so what's the point of you being on the site? It will backfire and he may be throwing you out and wonder why you are the one on all the adult sexual encounter sites.

What you discovered is the tip of the iceberg. You need to get to a doctor for std testing and need to end things.

Recently found my fiance on AFF. I did start my own account, so I can see when he hops online. I actually was able to get into his account and see what he's doing. Hhe recently put his pic up, but he's still a free user. I sent him a sexy message, and I want to see how he responds.

Yes, how does one "accidently find their fiance on AFF?" Did you have some premonition due to his suspect behaviour which compelled you to snoop on him?

Was he on that site before you met him? I would need more details. Could someone be using his photo but it's not him? I am sorry you are feeling so stressed.

Was he on that site before you met him? I would need more details. Could someone be using his photo but it's not him? I am sorry you are feeling so stressed.

Some people do this to get back at someone or just find a photo on FB that's more attractive than they are. Also, how do you know its a new photo? is it a site connected to FB where if he hadn't been on in years, his picture changed when it changed on Facebook?

you are smart to untangle yourself behind the scenes in the meantime.

Well, what has he been doing on Adult Friend Finder? He just updated his picture? Is he chatting with other women? As a free member, you're restricted by what you can actually do on the site. I think you're only allowed to chat and wink at someone. I don't even know if you can email someone. So I just wonder if he's really doing anything on there.

How did you discover he was on there?

Oof.

Curious to hear you fill in some of the gaps: how long you've been together, how you've made this discovery.

That said, I'd abort on the cat-fishing right away. No good comes of that, only noise. You don't fight fire with fire, as the saying goes.

Look, we live in strange times, and the internet makes them stranger. I remember in the late-90s/early 2000s when everyone was talking about pornography, because suddenly everyone (men especially) was looking at loads of porn and no one quite knew what to make of it. Was it cheating? And now, at least in my world, it's just an assumption, a joke, not seen as cheating.

Something like AFF gets murkier, of course, and likely a murky pool that someone is introduced to while looking at porn. You could be in there to find random people to have sex with, sure, or you could be on there to kind of brush up against that edge of subversion. A little escape hatch from reality. It's a thin line, a boundary that hopefully gets set early, or at least there's a level of communication early where this sort of thing doesn't have to be done in secret.

I'm just trying to give a kind of wider spectrum here, not to make excuses for him or invalidate how this is making you feel. But, like, if I'm dating someone long-term, I assume there's going to be moments where she's out on the town, meets someone, flirts a bit, feels a little sparkly and maybe gets a rush from pushing up against that edge. I think those moments, while risky, can be healthy for a relationship. And I think, for some, the internet does allow for that.

Bottom line is: good for you to get your ducks in a row if this is the end. But if you don't want this to be the end, you need to confront him and be direct, not play games that just extend this unfortunate chapter and fuel the most catastrophic stories that are already (and justly) spinning in your head.

 

As a free member, you're restricted by what you can actually do on the site. I think you're only allowed to chat and wink at someone. I don't even know if you can email someone.

And how, pray tell, would you know all this DZ? lol

Just teasing but am curious how you came to know all this.

I dated someone a few years ago and I noticed some strange things.

Once while standing in line to see a concert, he got a text, pulled out his phone in full view and on it was a torso of a woman, scantily clad in S&M clothing. He blew it off as spam.

After going in his condo swimming pool, I was changing in the guest bathroom. It was in the early phase of dating. I realized I didnt have a brush and innocently pulled open a drawer praying for a comb. What I found instead was a rainbow assortment of condoms and dental dams. I've heard of dental dams, mind you, but never saw one in person.

I loosely knew there were dating websites for every hobby, religion, fetish, etc. It took me 30 seconds to find him on Adult Friend Finders. (First hit you get Googling adult websites)

I'm only sharing this because w/o knowing her story, I can relate to how someone connects the dots

I was so rattled by this finding (I haven't checked in sometime but he was on there daily for years, subsequently) that I'd check prospective dates to see if they were there too.

A guy I dated off and on before I met my guy went on there for a short time. Luckily I wasn't intimate w him and I held back for reasons I didnt understand. I just felt blocked.

On his profile he checked the box 'bi curious'

I thought to check this site after years of not having looked and after an evening of him doing a full court press and wanting a relationship w me.

Being the brat I can be, I text him "Bi Curious?' and immediately blocked him after that. I haven't spoken to him since.

Ok. . 'Nuf about me.

I dated someone a few years ago and I noticed some strange things.

 

Once while standing in line to see a concert, he got a text, pulled out his phone in full view and on it was a torso of a woman, scantily clad in S&M clothing. He blew it off as spam.

After going in his condo swimming pool, I was changing in the guest bathroom. It was in the early phase of dating. I realized I didnt have a brush and innocently pulled open a drawer praying for a comb. What I found instead was a rainbow assortment of condoms and dental dams. I've heard of dental dams, mind you, but never saw one in person.

 

I loosely knew there were dating websites for every hobby, religion, fetish, etc. It took me 30 seconds to find him on Adult Friend Finders. (First hit you get Googling adult websites)

I'm only sharing this because w/o knowing her story, I can relate to how someone connects the dots

 

I was so rattled by this finding (I haven't checked in sometime but he was on there daily for years, subsequently) that I'd check prospective dates to see if they were there too.

 

A guy I dated off and on before I met my guy went on there for a short time. Luckily I wasn't intimate w him and I held back for reasons I didnt understand. I just felt blocked.

 

On his profile he checked the box 'bi curious'

 

I thought to check this site after years of not having looked and after an evening of him doing a full court press and wanting a relationship w me.

 

Being the brat I can be, I text him "Bi Curious?' and immediately blocked him after that. I haven't spoken to him since.

 

Ok. . 'Nuf about me.

Yikes.........

I had to look up the "dental jams."

If you have finances to untangle, I'd seek legal advice to get myself free and clear as quickly as possible. You'll have time to deal with the emotional stuff later, after handling the practical.

One of my friends did the same thing to her now ex (chat to him online pretending to be someone else).

She flirted for a while and then eventually wanted to meet up with him. He told her to meet at his place, thinking his gf was at work. She tells him she's on her way. The gf then rings him and says "I didn't go to work and I'm coming over". He tells her not to, but she says too late I'm on my way.

When she gets there, he kept telling her to leave, saying he's busy. Then she confesses, tells him that the girl hes been chatting to and is meant to be meeting is her. She then had no doubt that he would cheat on her and dumped him. She moved on and was happy, he was miserable and regretted it. But that's his fault for being an idiot.

I personally wouldn't do this, I'd feel like I'm being deceitful as well, but it sure was fun to hear about it with girls and p*ss ourselves laughing over this when she told us