Jump to content

Cant have a relashionship


successthis

Recommended Posts

Hello,

 

I am on a process of getting to know myself better but I still would appreciate some advice.I think I am such a beutifully weird person. I am a person who is totally driven by motivation. When I have motivation and feel confident I can do anything. I am a great woman at around 25 who has a great career, has some friends, I had many more but this period of time is a bit delicate, and also I have been moving so much, so I have more temporary friends. I am great at career, at school, I ma doing more than any woman my age and my conditions. But when it comes to relashionships I suck. I have never had a proper relashionship. And this is not because people are not asking me to go out. It is because I have such high standards. There are guys with these standards but here it comes the problem I am writing here for. When I am in front of any great guy who really means something to me I really suck. I feel so emotional that sometimes I prefer to not talk at them at all. Sometimes when I feel confident I can radiate good energy and I know that anyone surrounding me would be grateful to have me around them. I dont know what happens to me when I am around people that really mean to me. I am on a condition I could not explain. It is like I am a different person when I am around this great guy and a totally other person when I go home. I wish he could see the person who goes home and is releived from emotions instead of myself when around him. I am so afraid he will never see my true self. And I really have found this great guy who makes me feel like this. I am afraid he thinks I do not like him from my behaviour. I do not know what to do. I feel so afraid sometimes I will never have a boyfriend, I mean someone that I would really feel for him. Has somebody felt like this? Sometimes I feel like the only way to improve this is to build confidence, but on the other side I am so tires of building confidence techniques and books and communication books etc, I think that the only way to really connect in a conversation is the way haw you feel AND i FEEL EMOTIONALLY RESTRICTED. Sometimes I am so afarid will I ever have a husband, will I ever have a family?? Cause a family can be created with only somebody you really feel for which in my case is the person who causes me this. Yes I am shy sometimes, but sometimes as I told you I feel like I dont care about anything and I could do anything. I am afarid that I am losing some key points of life without enjoying them. Please I want to know how canb I be fulfilled, how can I pass this? Maybe I am a bit overthinker and everything is ok? Sometimes I have afeeling that the only thging missing in my life is agood relashionship and like this is the biggest fountain of motivation for me, but since I suck at this I am thinking what is wrong woth me? Realyy I dont know! It seem like there is no solution for me sometimes, but I never agree to see sdome therapist or to look vulnerable in front of other people by showing them these tghings I am telliung here. I pretend to be so strong on outside, but maybe i am the weakest inside. Somedays I feel like I can conqueer the world and some days like I am drowning on it. Please help! How can I be releived in front of this guy?? I feel I am losing him. I am pretty ironic, I dont know why I do it when I talk to him, or I talk things that do not show my best with him. I was kind of hoping for him to ask me out, cause it seems he likes me too, but he is too shy also. I am so afraid of losing him. I feel without hope. He is different from others. TRhis is not something somebody feels averyday. This is special. I wish I knew what was wrong woth me? I wish I knew why he never asked me out? We connect so much but I really have to be only with him, cause other people seem to biuld tension on me. I am a great conversionalist when I am not on this tension, I promise and I know he really loves that person who is without tension. How can I make him like the pother side of me. I feel restricted in fron of social groups, I barely talk to him. So he maybe thinks I have these high-low pitches and maybe thinks I ma not interested in him. I feel really scared of losing this in my life for such a stupid reason. I dont know what is wrong with me. I dont know how to fix this. I only know that I am beautifull when not in tension. I feel like I ma only existing not living, like I am gonna lose him and I am gonna hate myself for this. I feel like I have fallen in aconfort zone where I do accept only what it comes but not doing anything to change this situation. I know that a response cpould be to ask him out but I cannot. We really are in a school relashionship, so I cannot risk this to make myself vulnerable in fron of him or to be rejected cause maybe he doesnt likes this other side of me where I do not interact to much because of my fears and lack of emotional comodity.

Link to comment

Look, you are overthinking all of this. Perhaps you need to talk with a therapist or a counselor. But you are talking yourself into a total mind freeze. You need to ask this guy out just to get out of this rut so you can move on one way or another. And if you can't ask him out in person, how about in a text? You have to find out if he likes you or not. Or if you can't get up the courage to ask him out, how about strongly hinting he should ask you out?

 

As for ruining your school relationship, it won't. I took a fellow employee out for a movie one time. I wasn't her type and she didn't want a second date. We had no problem working together. The only difference is she just knew I liked her and it might have made her a little warmer towards me. So don't worry about it.

 

But it's better that he knows how you feel about him then not knowing. Just keep in mind that two people have to agree to go out on a date, so if he doesn't feel the same way, don't take it personally.

Link to comment
Look, you are overthinking all of this. Perhaps you need to talk with a therapist or a counselor. But you are talking yourself into a total mind freeze. You need to ask this guy out just to get out of this rut so you can move on one way or another. And if you can't ask him out in person, how about in a text? You have to find out if he likes you or not. Or if you can't get up the courage to ask him out, how about strongly hinting he should ask you out?

 

As for ruining your school relationship, it won't. I took a fellow employee out for a movie one time. I wasn't her type and she didn't want a second date. We had no problem working together. The only difference is she just knew I liked her and it might have made her a little warmer towards me. So don't worry about it.

 

But it's better that he knows how you feel about him then not knowing. Just keep in mind that two people have to agree to go out on a date, so if he doesn't feel the same way, don't take it personally.

 

How can I hint he should ask me out? I dont wanna ask him out.

Link to comment

It sounds like you have a crush on him, but he's not interested. Do you carpool to school/work or do you mean you were on the same bus or train? If a guy is interested he will ask you out. This has nothing to do with "I have never had a proper relashionship. And this is not because people are not asking me to go out. It is because I have such high standards." What do you mean by "such high standards"?

I ma afraid to ask out, and he doesnt asks me out too, but we used to do like 15 min road together home, sometimes. I wish he could ask out.
Link to comment
It sounds like you have a crush on him, but he's not interested. Do you carpool to school/work or do you mean you were on the same bus or train? If a guy is interested he will ask you out. This has nothing to do with "I have never had a proper relashionship. And this is not because people are not asking me to go out. It is because I have such high standards." What do you mean by "such high standards"?

 

I know he is interested, but everybody gotta be so independent in our master, he doesnt wanna feel like he is coming theer to approach girls. He has another mission there: school. I have had guys asking me out from master since the first day but that was totally unacceptable form since the first day without even knowing each other a bit. Meanwhile he is different, he keeps a balance on things. I think he is based on what I do and since I am a bit emotianakl like I exolained, I have difficulties on making him approach and maybe sometimes I may look rude I am afraid.

 

But yes when we have a connection and good conversations come he asks to go together home, otherwise when there are difficulties in communication he comes by car. I think that he responds to me.

 

 

 

This is compilcated tho,

 

Regards,

Link to comment
How can I hint he should ask me out? I dont wanna ask him out.

 

Well, why don't you want to ask him out? How is he suppose to know you have feelings for him? This isn't the 1930's, you know. Or maybe it is again. Anyways, you can strongly hint it to him by summoning your inner Katherine Hepburn and say, "If I were you, I'd ask me out." Or "A great catch like me only comes by once a lifetime." Or "What does a girl have to do to have a fellow buy her a cup of coffee? Or "Are you feeling hungry? How about grabbing some lunch together?" Or "What would you say if I told you I like you?" Or "Do you see the two of us going out to a movie together??

 

Hey, I know asking someone out is difficult, but you asked for a job, didn't you? And you were motivated to go to school and get a career. You can be motivated to ask a guy out (or strongly hint at it) if he's someone you want.

Link to comment

Is he your teacher or a fellow student? You do not know what he thinks or feels. You are assuming and projecting that based on your crush on and obsession with him..All you know for a fact is he is not asking you out on a date, despite talking to you.

 

What does this mean? "when there are difficulties in communication he comes by car". Do you mean you take the same bus or train sometimes and other times he drives?

he doesnt wanna feel like he is coming theer to approach girls. He has another mission there: school. I have difficulties on making him approach.
Link to comment
Well, why don't you want to ask him out? How is he suppose to know you have feelings for him? This isn't the 1930's, you know. Or maybe it is again. Anyways, you can strongly hint it to him by summoning your inner Katherine Hepburn and say, "If I were you, I'd ask me out." Or "A great catch like me only comes by once a lifetime." Or "What does a girl have to do to have a fellow buy her a cup of coffee? Or "Are you feeling hungry? How about grabbing some lunch together?" Or "What would you say if I told you I like you?" Or "Do you see the two of us going out to a movie together??

 

Hey, I know asking someone out is difficult, but you asked for a job, didn't you? And you were motivated to go to school and get a career. You can be motivated to ask a guy out (or strongly hint at it) if he's someone you want.

 

I dont see lack of motivation on asking someone out here. I have the guts to ask someone out, but not someone who is important to me. It would not seem as a victory for me at the end if I ask him out, I wouldnt feel the emotions of somebody that means something to me asking me out.

Link to comment
I dont see lack of motivation on asking someone out here. I have the guts to ask someone out, but not someone who is important to me. It would not seem as a victory for me at the end if I ask him out, I wouldnt feel the emotions of somebody that means something to me asking me out.

This makes no sense at all. What difference does it make? That said, the fact he has not asked you out would imply he is just not interested in you in a romantic/relationship kind of way. Maybe he likes you as a friend, but nothing more.

Link to comment
This makes no sense at all. What difference does it make? That said, the fact he has not asked you out would imply he is just not interested in you in a romantic/relationship kind of way. Maybe he likes you as a friend, but nothing more.

 

I also havent asked him out. BUt I am interested on that, right? So that is not an implication. He may be interested.

Link to comment

Are there other boys from your school you could date? He is either not interested or may have a girlfriend. Is he your teacher or another student? If he is your teacher he can not ask you out. Do drive to school together? Or do you take the same bus or train together?

I also havent asked him out. He may be interested.
Link to comment

Yes there are but i want him. I ma not sure if he has a gfr. I think th eproblem here is me, and not he having a grf. I havent been receptive. Yes sometimes he says me to wait for him so we can walk together home, but I never ask him the same thing, I just want to be approached cause I am AFRAID of entering personal space of others. Once he asked me to pause talking for a moment cause his phone was ringing, and at the end he told me: "My mum...". So, you dont give explanations who called you,unless you want smb to know that it wasnt the grf calling, so listen I dont have one. Anyway... I am trying to work on my emotions, and emotional intelligence, and selfesteem, so that if I get to meet him again I would be more recpetive and more easygoing and not afraid to be a little more closed to him. And if not meeting him again, I wish I could be a better person so I could attract again somebody just like him.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...