Hello and thank you for your attention.
I'm a 38yo guy and I started a Friend-with-benefits kind of relationship with another guy I met at work (though we don't share a space or see each other everyday). I'm openly and happily gay, he is straight and was having his first male experience with me. It went perfect for two years, with casual hook ups, normal friendship level of messaging and contacting, and well, just great, nobody getting hurt or developing any complicated feelings. I really didn't like him that much, in the sense of liking him as a boyfriend or anything. The sex was nice, He just isn't what I would look for in a real couple. There wasn't any powerful connection or chemistry between us beyond the sex.
The thing is that, suddenly, upon discovering that he was interested in hooking up with another guy from work -so I wasn't anymore the 'first and only man' he liked-, I started obsessing about that thought in bursts of jealousy that I couldn't control. I didn't act badly on them or anything because I could see they were wrong and unfair feelings, though I shared my thoughts with him. At the same time I also sensed a diminished interest in me from him, texting much less and not talking about meeting or hooking up anymore. But when I asked him if anything had changed or if he wanted to change it, He just couldn't seem to give me an explanation about it, almost denying that anything was wrong, though his loss of interest in having sex with me was obvious. So basically my FWB showed interest in someone else and reduced his interest in me. The oldest story in the book, I know, but the real problem is the exaggerated feelings this has ignited in me.
I feel sick at the idea of him having sex with another guy, and can't stand that he doesn't text or treat me as he did before. I don't even know if they are actually having sex, nor should I care or ask, but just the idea makes me suffer in a way that I myself know is absurd. I ended up asking for some space and we haven't contacted each other in two months. Still, after all this time, I obsess and ruminate at those feelings. Knowing they are irrational, selfish and absurd makes it worse, because I don't feel entitled to feel them and yet, there they are. It's not that I want him back, or want to be his boyfriend or anything, I really don't. So I'm really puzzled of giving this much thought, energy and pain to a situation I know doesn't deserve it. And all for a guy I didn't liked that much in the first place! Don't get me wrong, he is a nice guy, just not someone I liked in any deeper level. Can casual rejection really affect someone this much?
I can't talk with anyone about this to protect his privacy, we have friends in common and he doesn't want anybody to know about a gay affair of his, so I'd be grateful to hear any opinion about what can I do to get over this absurd and illogical situation and feelings. Thanks.