Miss having a bf + tired of meeting new people

Hey! I recently posted about my break up with the guy I was going on dates for the last 3 months. He wasn’t my bf, and I think I’ll be over it soon... But I’m so upset and tired to start the ‘meeting new people’ process again.

I’m 23, and I’ve been single for almost 5 years. I’m always meeting new guys and going on dates, and I’m so tired of it. I miss having a serious relationship (I don’t miss my exes, though), I had 2 boyfriends in the past.

Year 1 - I wanted to enjoy my college life with no boyfriend at all! Parties, drinking (in my country it’s allowed at age 18), yay!

Years 2/3 - I fell for a guy who didn’t wanted anything serious. But he was jealous, gave me mixed feelings, and he were always coming back... It took me all this time to finally move on. It was harder than it was with my actual exes.

Years 4/5 - I’ve been on a LOT of dates. I dated (and had feelings for) 2 different guys for 3 months each. One ‘didn’t want anything serious’ (lesson learned... byeee!) and the last one was the cad/cheater/liar you all guys warned me about. I also went to dates with a loooot of guys (like... 10) who I didn’t like enough to go to a second, third date...

I’m focusing in other things and “trying to not think about it”. I’m going on a trip with my friends in November, college is doing great - I’ll graduate med school next year, I go to the gym 3 times a week.

But I just don’t want to sit and wait for my someone to show up. I’m not a passive person. I’m super single, I’m not in love w/ anyone, I want a relationship.. So why can’t I find a boyfriend soon?

But at the same time, I’m so tired of the ‘what’s your name?’ ‘what do you like to do?’ and that blah blah blah stuff...

It sounds like you need to change the type of guys you go for.

It also sounds like you're a great catch! Raise your standards. You need to tune into these guys and listen to what they are saying. If you want something more, don't give chances to those who want to be casual. And you're so young! You have so much to look forward to, and to have great opportunities. Find a man, not a boy, who's on your level. It does get old to keep meeting new people just to have it fizzle out, but each will lead you to something better. Try not to stress over it, have fun with it, and let it happen.

Well, are you just waiting until guys ask you out, or are you seeking out people who meet your standards? You have to be active in the process if you want to get what you want.

Also dating is a numbers game. It helps to meet as many people as possible.

But one word of advice, I've always dated people I had been friends with for a year or more. I never connected with a stranger on a blind date. Are there any nice guys you're friends with that might turn into someone more than friends? That might be your best bet.

But don't despair. You will find someone. You're still pretty young in the scheme of things.

Get on some dating apps, at least one paid/upscale one and a free one. Get a good profile and recent good pics, including at least one full length and one facial close-up. Start browsing and respond to those who interest you and set up a brief coffee meet asap. Also join some clubs, groups, take adult social classes (cooking, dancing, language, etc.) and volunteer for something you feel passionately about. Do not go to bars, clubs or singles places where you'll hear pick-up lines like these..

just don’t want to sit and wait for my someone to show up. I’m not a passive person. I want a relationship.. So why can’t I find a boyfriend soon? I’m so tired of the ‘what’s your name?’ ‘what do you like to do?’ and that blah blah blah stuff...

I know how you feel. My advice is this: Keep focusing on other things and trying not to think about it. I know you want to be in a serious relationship but there's no real solid fast-track for that. It has to start small and gradual. No, you don't have to sit and wait, so just be friendly and open to other people, give them a chance. That's all the action you need to take. Meeting people is tedious so just keep living your life, pursuing your interests and goals. Be open to letting other people in but don't go looking for "the one" because then every one who isn't that one (i.e. most people) will feel like a disappointment. Also, you could meet someone today who isn't ready now, but as you build a friendship, it could grow into love in a few years when you're both in the right place. Not that you said you're doing this, but don't drop people if they're not boyfriend material right now. I know you "know" this but I just want to reinforce it and I want you to remind yourself. Try to appreciate the single life benefits - not having to be held accountable to another person, not having to share or compromise what you want, flirting! When you meet someone you hit it off with, that getting-to-know-you small talk won't feel like tedious small talk because you'll genuinely be interested.